Inspiring my 10 year old son to love Shabbat

RachelT613

Tue, Feb 16 2016, 1:47 am

Hello, my son says he hates Shabbat, even though I really try to make it enjoyable for him. We live in a city where there isn't a large frum community. Our community is small, maybe 10 frum families...My son is very fun loving. He wants to have fun all day long. He only has one friend in this community because the other boys are not his age, this makes it hard for him. For various reasons, we cannot always have this friend over or take him to his friend's house, but we try as often as we can. We have also invited a friend of his from school once in a while. For fun at the Shabbat dinner table, we read about 2 stories from the Shabbat "What If" book that offers different dilemas and we have to come up wth the halachakly right thing to do. When the kids are involved, I pass out pareve chocolate covered almonds. I make their favorite dessert and food. Sometimes he braids challah with me. He typically likes to make the salad. I have board games and cards out for him to play with his older brother and his aba. But I really need other ideas to make things more enjoyable for him since he loves to play and be active and he's been complaining of feeling bored and hating Shabbat... the other week I caught him playing a game on his brother's ipad on Shabbat! I was very sad but did not over react. I simply gave him a bag of games he can play. Any other ideas???

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Feb 16 2016, 2:22 am

Do you have really good board games? My kids that age can't stand monopoly, life, ticket to ride etc. but they love these new "euro" games like settlers of catan, coup, and others. We play Friday night after dinner and also shabbos afternoon. They seemed to grow out of our games and now like newer strategy games and some old classics like rummikub.

Also my DH does some special learning with each kid most shabossim which my kids all look forward to. What is his personality like? One of my kids around that age loves going for an afternoon walk. It would bore the other kids to death but he loves walking and observing the neighborhood, etc.

chani8

Tue, Feb 16 2016, 2:23 am

Get out of the house with him. Take shobbos walks. Dont let the weather deter you, learn how to dress properly, and go!

Since your son was willing to go play with an I-pad, I suggest that you push the shobbos limits by doing things that are not 'in the spirit' but not a malacha. Teach him that I-pad is Kotev. Instead, I let my 16 leave an mp4 going so when he's really bored, he can put headphones on and listen to music. It's helps him a lot.

He likes to 'workout' on the exercise equipment at the park. I justify it because the exercise equipment is for teens the same way the playground equipment is for children.

We also play ball and do other games that involve the body. One daughter goes roller blading. There has to be physical outlets for the kids. Thank G-d that Spring is on the way.

imasinger

Tue, Feb 16 2016, 6:14 am

Some great suggestions here. DS seems to be saying that on Shabbat, he is a) lonely, and b) bored.

OP, you are trying to address those issues, bu have limited resources in a small community. It's not easy! Here are a few other ideas:

- Make sure that you and DH talk to DS abou why and how Shabbat is important to you. Talk often and enthusiastically about it all week long. Cross off the days on a calendar. It all sounds hokey, but it does send a message.

- Although it might contradict with the above, you and DH (and maybe even big brother) plan on sacrificing some of your own Shabbos menucha to help him. Maybe each of you could give him a few hours of individual attention before and after shul, to play ball or indoor games. (Our 9 year old has a few soft balls of different sizes so that we can play beach volleyball, nerf basketball, or gaga indoors, too.)

- This is a bit "out there", but AFAIK, there is no issur about Shabbat like there is with YT. Maybe once in a while, he can invite a non Jewish friend for a playdate in the afternoon.

- Set up a system where he can accomplish a goal that he will have time for on Shabbat, like extra learning. Offer prizes and praise and undivided attention during learning time. Start small, and gradually increase the challenge tim and material. Older brother can do this, too.

- Contact Oorah and get him a Partner n Learning, who can reinforce all this. Consider sending him to their camp, wher Shabbat is extra special.

- If he is bored of the What If book, look for other resources for the Shabbat table. In addition to things focused on proper behavior/choices, maybe consider having everyone share about good (or challenging) things that happened to them during the week. Let him go first. Or ask you own parsha questions, on a level that will promote real discussions. There are lots of books and online resources for this. You can even rotate among the 4 of you whose job it is to come up with questions, and let the boys be the teachers sometimes.

How did I work for your older DS when he was 10?

mummiedearest

Tue, Feb 16 2016, 8:13 am

he doesn't only have to play with kids his age. consider making a once a month large shabbos party and inviting kids from other families regardless of age. he may find other playmates. try a toy swap with another family once a week. borrow shabbas-friendly games and play with him. go to the library and get him new books for shabbos. if he doesn't like reading on his own, read to him.

I suggest you unplug the whole family during this child's waking hours for a few weeks. your son doesn't know how to occupy himself, and that is something he needs to learn. learning how to do this during the week will help him cope with shabbos better. he may even start enjoying it.