At what age, and how, do I teach my toddler to share?

allthingsblue

Wed, Mar 02 2016, 10:39 pm

I have one toddler, 21 months. He does not like to share at all, and he grabs toys from other kids. He goes to a playgroup and I take him in play dates once in a while, but he doesn't have too much interaction with other kids while I'm around. Is it too young to teach him how to share, and how can I teach him when he doesn't have any siblings?

imasinger

Thu, Mar 03 2016, 3:51 am

It's not too young to work on teaching him to share.

But don't expect him to catch on for quite some time. It's not an easy thing to learn.

This piece has been around for decades, and still resonates:

Quote:

Toddler Propert Rules

1. If I like it, it’s mine.

2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.

5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it’s broken, it’s yours!

You can model sharing by offering him a bite of your snack, or a turn with your pencil and paper. Be sure to label the action as "sharing", so he learns the term.

You can create situations where it is easier to practice. Make much of him for giving you the broken toy, or undesirable food. This is the beginning of sharing. He's not going to start by giving away the good stuff!

Gradually up the ante. If you ask for a bite of a food that is not awful to him, but not a special treat, and let him put a clean spoonful in your mouth, he will probably love the game, and you are building a concept. You can include a stuffed animal in block play, and each of you "share" one block with the animal. Don't worry if he grabs it back, just calmly remind him to choose a different block to share.

Be sure to offer enthusiastic praise on anything that looks remotely like sharing.

Then, try all these strategies on playdates. Keep an eagle eye, so that you can both offer praise for generosity, and swoop in to distract at th moments when things go wrong. Hide the favorite items that are not going to be on the "let's share this" list.

He'll get there. Eventually.

yo'ma

Thu, Mar 03 2016, 9:33 am

Quote:

allthingsblue

Thu, Mar 03 2016, 9:59 am

Thanks everyone.
So the consesus seems to be that it's never too early for me to start teachIng him, but I probably won't see results right away, correct?
How should I respond when he grabs a toy away from another child? Does it matter if said child is upset about it or not? Meaning, if he grabs a toy away from a child who doesn't care about it, does that make a difference?