Covering Hair Sometimes??

amother

Black

Sun, Jul 17 2016, 2:19 pm

heidi wrote:

Some women hold that you don't have to cover your hair anywhere that it's obvious you're married-- ie: in your home.

I don't cover in my home.

greenfire

Sun, Jul 17 2016, 2:37 pm

I know people who cover at shul, at simchas & when around a group of people who majority keep their hair covered, however - when in other places they simply do not because they would rather not from the getgo and they feel more in their own element when outside of those circles [people pleasers perhaps] [once I uncovered my hair after getting divorced, I don't cover it for anybody since I don't cover it for god anybody else won't match up]

WhatFor

Sun, Jul 17 2016, 2:42 pm

Maybe your assumption that when she covers it's for religious reasons is wrong. Maybe she covers her hair when she doesn't want to shampoo it that day, or overwash it.
Maybe she has hats that she uses to cover for shul and so she just wears them on bad hair days.

amother

Copper

Sun, Jul 17 2016, 3:09 pm

amother wrote:

Hi,
I am wondering if anyone could help explain this to me.
There is someone I meet very often and while most of the time she covers her hair partly with a fedora or cap, sometimes she doesn't cover at all.
I can't ask this person direct for various reasons, but I would really like to understand this supposed paradox. Either you believe you cover your hair or you don't, no?

Please note that I'm not being judgmental in my query, I'm just trying to genuinely understand the hashkafa or reasoning behind such a seemingly contrary belief.

Respectful responses only please.
Thank you

I only cover my hair at shul and at my kids' day school. For me it's a matter of respect for others. I used to cover all the time but stopped.

amother

Copper

Sun, Jul 17 2016, 3:13 pm

amother wrote:

Thank you for your replies.

The only place I meet this woman is at her workplace - in her office - so the home covering reasoning doesn't apply.

I've never met her outside of her office. I'm just flummoxed why it's sometimes ok and sometimes not. This is a person I have to trust deeply and besides for the non-consistent head covering she is so straight and predictable, so it's extra confusing to me. In the long run this doesn't significantly effect my relationship with her, I respect her deeply but it still is a bit of a stumbling block in how I see her. I know if I were to understand the reasoning behind it I would stop wondering about it and move on.

Again it's always in the office that I see her so I would assume the same hashkafa rules you follow should always apply? No?

Clarity appreciated!

Thank you

You're being judgy and should probably stop worrying about what other people do. It's not really your business.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Jul 17 2016, 3:15 pm

Here's another possibility: I am very sensory and sometimes I can have anything- ANYTHING!- on my head, or I'll get a headache.
Maybe she sometimes covers but sometimes can't handle having anything on her head, just like me.

Bruria

Sun, Jul 17 2016, 11:18 pm

I know someone that doesn't cover at work because the person doesn't want to be seen as religious, because people are judgmental. She covers everywhere else outside of work.

Mrs Bissli

Mon, Jul 18 2016, 1:57 pm

OP, your description of your friend pretty much fit what I do and I'm more than happy to explain logics behind it. Just as a background, I'm MO hashkafically and a Sephardi so we don't really hold by sheitel (it's accepted but only as a last resort/less desirable vs scarves/tichels).

I cover in my community, where kisui rosh is not the norm but a sizeable enough married women cover hair. I take of my tichel/scarves once I get to the office, as well as for meetings, conferences etc. I don't cover at home, unless there are 3 or more men.

My understanding is kisui rosh falls under 'dat Yehudit' which are subjective halachot where communal norms (including whether to cover or not, with what to cover) dictate what exactly need to be observed.

A rather lengthy, but very good explanation is here.
https://jofa.org/sites/default.....5.pdf

If I cannot find halachic interpretation, I won't have much choice but to wear tichels even if I feel uncomfortable in my rather secular workplace.

HonesttoGod

Mon, Jul 18 2016, 4:02 pm

I personally don't cover my hair at home.
When I go out I usually wear a wig sometimes a hat.
I have different "levels" of hair covering depending on where I am going. If I go to my in laws, or a more religious neighborhood I will wear one wig and when I go to work or out with my friends I will wear my fall wig and show more hair.

I know many people who only cover in shul or at a simcha etc.

Miri7

Mon, Jul 18 2016, 4:37 pm

Many women hold that you don't have to cover but do cover for shul or a simcha, as others have said. Or if they're going by someone's house where uncovered hair would not be appreciated.

Maybe she doesn't usually cover, but went to a bris that morning, or went to a shiur at shul at lunch and just kept the covering on or had a bad hair day.

If I am going to shul for something on a work day I will often cover all day because my hair would be crazy otherwise, or I might forget my covering.

So there are plenty of women who don't hold that you do not have to cover but do cover sometimes for a number of reasons.

amother

Black

Mon, Jul 18 2016, 7:26 pm

penguin wrote:

Maybe she covers on days she will be meeting with frum men. Or maybe as mentioned she wears a fall that looks like real hair...

I bet it's a fall. If so, it means OP started this thread (which IMHO is LH) for no reason. I used to wear a fall that got quite messy (and natural looking vs neatly coiffered like many sheitels) and lots of people didn't realize it was a wig. In fact, many people thought I didn't cover my hair as a result. Don't be so quick to make assumptions. Also, if she doesn't cover all the time that is between her and hashem. If you are really curious OP, you could ask her straight out "do you cover your hair all the time?" and see where it goes from there. But really you should MYOB and perhaps that will be her response.

Water Stones

Mon, Jul 18 2016, 10:06 pm

amother wrote:

I don't believe that hair needs to be covered, but I usually keep it covered partially for social reasons, when I'm in town or around people whom I know.

I cover my hair. I believe in it to cover. But I dont wanting to wear a sheital any more. I want to wear a covering like Israeli ladies. I dont like the social reason any more for my sheital. The social is being a problem for me now. I have to be social but the sheital wont be moré tzunius than Israeli covering that is more true real to the lady. But I will be social Sad