DD Kicked Out For Something She Had Nothing To Do With

brooklyn

Thu, Jul 12 2007, 12:05 pm

Of course it is not easy. But in the long run it might be for the better. If this school's hashkafa (am I using the right word) does not match your own then both parent and child will be unhappy. Maybe the school is changing becoming more right wing and this is the start. I mean being kicked out is extreme. No warning, no new list of rules, I would not go back.

Rivka

Thu, Jul 12 2007, 12:48 pm

I would threaten them with beis din or court if they don't cough up the money they took from you. Mainly because they treated you unfairly and it wasn't as if they had a set of rules saying no broadway shows.
That and the fact they sound like they deserve a thrashing due to their childish behaviour of not even talking to you.
Oh and I wouldn't send your daughter to that school or one like it either.

amother

Thu, Jul 12 2007, 2:50 pm

OP here:

Thank you everyone for your suggestions.

I'm still undecided about the whole thing. I can't really tell DH yet, since I *know* he's going to get mad. He might even get mad at me, since going to a show was my idea.

I don't want to say what school it was because a) I don't want to out myself (how many kids at the school in the fifth grade get kicked out??) and b) I don't want to ruin any chances at a reconciliation.

I can't really say that theyve been trying to get rid of us. There's been no warnings... DD is a good kid, gets good grades, has good middos, no major trouble. We're not the only family in the school that has a TV or goes to movies or Broadway -- far from it. Likewise, my DH isn't the only one who openly wears a leather yarmulke -- even to the school itself.

I don't *know* that they're going to keep the registration fee... it was just a pessamistic guess on my part. The issue hasn't come up yet. Sorry if I misled people into thinking that they were definitely keeping it.

To be honest, at this point, I'd be ready to pull her out and not even bother trying to stay... but there are two things that stand in the way:

1. I'm afraid she'll have this stigma with her. No doubt her new school will want to call the old school to find out why she's leaving.
2. All of her friends are there. I can't see separating her from the friends she's had for seven years.

I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do. But thank you everyone for your advice; I appreciate it and will continue to monitor and comment on this thread.

Lechatchila Ariber

Thu, Jul 12 2007, 3:08 pm

while I think its a school's perogative to only allow students who don't have certain elements at home, I think its very WRONG to do what they did, if there are NO set down rules and you are not the only one.

I'd like to hear what their explanation is, so yes please do keep us posted.

cindy324

Thu, Jul 12 2007, 3:20 pm

I def. don't think you should give up without a fight. You need to get down there and demand an explanation. Giving in and just switching her to another school without standing up for yourself is the same as admitting guilt, and I think that'll look a lot worse to the other schools if you do have to switch. These things have a way of getting around town, so if you put up a fair fight, someone is bound to know about it, and the school's unfairness is also bound to come out.

faigie

Mon, Jul 16 2007, 7:49 am

"I'm still undecided about the whole thing. I can't really tell DH yet, since I *know* he's going to get mad. He might even get mad at me, since going to a show was my ide"

first things first.......I see that youre changing your lifestyle in order to watch your back in this school.
why do you subject yourself to that????? think about it. the kid is young, shell make new friends, most likely she already does know other kids in other schools her age.
2ndly, changing your lifestyle is affecting your shalom bayit, in as much as youre afriad to tell your hubby about this mess.
there is a time to stand up and fight,, and then there is a time to decide that youre dealing with a sicko, and its best to go to a better environment.
do not allow anyone to ruin your shalom bayit with their better then thou tantrum. get mad, get REALLY mad, lose the fear, and move to a better place.
when you change schools, they will ask why you are changing schools. and you wil answer honestly. a school that is in line with your hashkafa has heard it all aready. they wont be surprised. bring in the kids transcript, and all they will see are good grades, and good comments from her past teachers.
have a teacher call the new principal on your behalf, for a good report.
have a talk with hubby........u cant put it off anyway........something has to get into the works........be strong!!