I yelled at my 3 year old :'(

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amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 4:17 pm

I feel terrible. I grabbed him by his arm, and raised my voice. He kept on misbehaving, when I put him in time out, I yelled at him. Loud!

I feel terrible. I need other ideas. He can behave beautifully when he is motivated. Today, when we went out, I said that if he misbehaves, yells, or kvetchs, we will stop what we are doing and go home. He was so well behaved. It was amazing. The second we came home, he morphed back into his kvetchy distructive self.

That's when I yelled at him. I guess I couldn't let go of the good behavior. I just expected him to behave well. I don't want my children to grow up in a home with yelling.

Please, please post ideas.

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 4:50 pm

I used to be a yeller.
Then I became a teacher and realized that yelling is not an option. You threatened to punish your child if they misbehaved and yelled (because it's not ok to yell?) and then you did the yelling. What a mixed message. Your intent may be for the yelling to be saying I'm annoyed or angry or frustrated but it is also saying "I have lost control." It is a form of bullying. It is meant to frighten. If your child is not scared then all they do is watch your contorted, distorted face and process that you are not always their safe place. You get angry and explode. You need to model the behavior you want them to emulate. If you can be angry and yell, why can't they? They are learning from you.
How I wish I could turn the clock back and make it up to my children Sad

I am older and wiser now. A teacher and a bubby. Please learn from my mistakes.

dancingqueen

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 5:19 pm

I think most parents slip up and yell sometimes but learning better methods is important. However, it sounds like you have very high expectations for a 3 year old like you would go home from your outing if he even kvetches or complains once. I also have a 3 year old btw.

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 5:40 pm

This is op. If you saw my response under my username, before it was deleted, and would like to quote it, please change my name to amother to protect my privacy.

simba

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 5:47 pm

I will post in my name. Not hiding, I sometimes raise my voice at my 3 year old. I am not a yeller, stuff happens. Don't beat yourself up.

allthingsblue

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 7:04 pm

I yelled I my son today (I yelled "whaatt?").
I apologized after.

imasinger

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 8:00 pm

Yelling is a combination of loss of parent self control, and a feeling of helplessness, with a fair amount of habit. Those who grew up without yelling tend to choose other options. So by changing your system, OP, you may influence generations to come.

It sounds like you might have needed to provide DS with an immediate outlet as soon as you returned home. He probably worked very hard to control himself when he was out, and needed a chance to unwind.

The trick is to find safe, appropriate ways for him to let off steam.

When he does act out, it's far more powerful to get down to his level, speak quietly, and remind him of the rules.

Have you read any of the popular discipline books, like 1-2-3 magic?

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Nov 19 2017, 10:20 pm

Thanks imasinger. Tonight was a killer night for me. Like once in six months, or more. I've never yelled at any of my kids in this way. Ever.
Now that the kids are sleeping, I'm realizing what caused it. Not that I'm saying what I did was right, just that I'm no malach, and these things happen.
I love the idea of getting down to his level. I will try to use it.

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