My daughter is cutting herself

amother

Brunette

Mon, Nov 20 2017, 11:48 am

I'm not sure which forum is the right one to post this in but if someone can direct me.. I just found out that my teenage daughter is cutting herself. I know she struggles with depression and we've been dealing with it. However now it's progressed. Looking for some direction as to how to go about handling this from either women who have gone through it or have children who are doing it. Tia

amother

Magenta

Mon, Nov 20 2017, 2:12 pm

Let me preface this by saying there is no one-size-fits-all solution. All I can offer is my own experiences.

As a teen I was very depressed. I was not suicidal, though I was in a very deep, dark place. I started cutting, and when my psychiatrist found out he took me strait to psychiatric emergency. I spent the next three nights in isolation, and the next five and a half months as an inpatient. When I was finally deemed well enough to go home, I went right back to self injury.

Why? Because for me out was never a suicide attempt. Nor was it a cry for help. For me it was the best coping mechanism I had. I couldn't deal with my psychological pain and nothing, not therapy or meds, was helping me. But I could deal with physical pain. So I cut myself to make my emotional hurt into a physical wound, which I could then bandage and focus on the aching in my arm, rather than the aching in my soul. It was only when I finally got really, really good therapy, where I felt safe and listened to, and off meds entirely, that I was able to heal emotionally and stop hurting myself physically.

For me the hospitalization did SO MUCH more harm than good. Obviously this is not necessarily the case for everyone. But most of all what your daughter needs is someone who will listen to her, work with her, help her feel safe, and yes, maybe she needs meds and round the clock care. But ask HER. Trust HER. Listen to HER. And work TOGETHER. Sure there may be a time you need to make decisions for her, after all you're the adult and her safety is your responsibility. Find someone for YOU to talk to, as well as therapy for her. But whatever you do, please make sure she feels safe. If she's come to you about what she's doing, that's awesome. That means she feels safe opening up to you, and is asking for your help. Talk talk talk with her, come up with a plan together.

That's my advice at least. As I said, there's no one solution for everyone. Whatever you do, I hope you, and her, find a good solution.

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Nov 20 2017, 3:44 pm

First off, hugs to you. This is not easy. Our dd did it. It was very painful to witness. What I learned was that witnessing it without being reactive was helpful to her.
Each teen's cutting is so unique and individual.
I paid close attention to my dds triggers and worked on eliminating them. For example, when a certain person came to our home, when that person left my dd went to her room and cut.
Another example, anytime I innocently asked any food related question, or mentioned anything food related , she would cut. For another kid it might be any clothing-related question or comment.
Another example, every time I bathed the baby, she would go to her room and cut.
Etc. Etc.
See if you can identify her triggers and work around them. The triggers can be related to stuff happening at school, on the street, at a relative's home, at home, camp, etc.
B"h our dd stopped cutting eventually. The last time she cut was a few years ago.