Opinions please | Imamother

amother

Peach

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 10:55 am

DS graduating elementary school this year and we are starting to look at the high schools in the area. We have sent 3 of our sons to one of the schools in the area, but over time the administration changed and they made a real mess. There is now a new administration. I am thinking of sending the following to them. Your opinions on the concept as well if the message gets across or do you think men just won't get it unless I am blunt and say you guys messed up why should I trust you.

Dear Rabbi X,
My children are my most precious possession; they are my diamonds. I look into them and see reflections of myself and my husband and what we have built. I give them to the schools, the jeweler, to help me polish them. To take what is already there and bring out their luster so they can glow and shimmer. The previous jeweler decided he did not like the shape of my diamonds and without my permission tried to cut into them and change them, who they are and their internal beauty. He left cracks that may be irreparable. The jeweler’s apprentices either did not notice, chose to ignore, were pleased or had their hands tied and could not help. Even with many complaints the owner of the jewelry store did nothing for several years. The damage was done. Not only to my diamond, but to many others as well. A new Jeweler was finally hired who has a stellar reputation for polishing, but the owner of the store is still the same. How do I trust my youngest diamond to this store again?

seeker

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 11:44 am

Your writing is nice and your feelings are poignant but I'm not sure what your goal is here. What are you hoping to accomplish by sending this to them? This seems like the kind of situation where direct communication would be more beneficial.

amother

Amber

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 11:54 am

Sweet letter. Though I don't think such a letter will bring out a good reputation for you dear so. It's not going to do good for your son. Kind words of praise and expectation might work better.

amother

Peach

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 5:27 pm

I did speak with the new hanhala and shared my concerns, the purpose of this blurb would be to reiterate those concerns, my expectations and for them to be aware that it is not a slam dunk that ds will be going to their school. They need to earn my trust again.

amother

Peach

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 5:31 pm

amother wrote:

Sweet letter. Though I don't think such a letter will bring out a good reputation for you dear so. It's not going to do good for your son. Kind words of praise and expectation might work better.

The school knows us already and loved our older boys. This son is a gem as well.(B"H) It would be the schools lose if we chose the other school in town. I played sweet while the old principal made a mess of my son and the administration did nothing. Sweet doesn't always work- firm, but not obnoxious does.

trixx

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 6:14 pm

Initial reaction (especially if it's addressed to a man) don't write me novels lady. Get to the point. "we've loved your school however due to actions and lack of communication in the past, now have serious reservations"

Just tell it like it is.

cnc

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 6:17 pm

trixx wrote:

This. Also are you one hundred percent sure that they really want you?

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 6:20 pm

amother wrote:

the letter does not do those things. It rehashes the past, assigns blame to the administration for harming your older boys.

reading your letter - I see this "How I do trust my youngest diamond to this store again?" as a question to yourself, not to Rabbi X. If anything it should be "please tell me why I should trust you again".

What are you hoping for - that you get a sincere apology for your other boys, and groveling for you to send DS 4?

crust

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 6:34 pm

cnc wrote:

This. Also are you one hundred percent sure that they really want you?

And- I'm trying to think... Had this been my son, would I want them? (Even if they give me an apology. It doesn't help!)

amother

Peach

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 8:04 pm

cnc wrote:

This. Also are you one hundred percent sure that they really want you?

When the headmaster has not said more than good Shabbos to us in 2 years and now is my best friend, It kind of gives it away..... We live outside of NY so it is the opposite type of competition.

amother

Peach

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 8:05 pm

Thanks everyone for bringing me back down to reality and getting out of the "poeticsphere."

oliveoil

Thu, Dec 21 2017, 9:46 pm

If I got this letter I would think, "oh, no, a drama queen mom." and then any interaction thereafter would be colored by that perception.

amother

Blue

Fri, Dec 22 2017, 1:23 am

This letter makes it all about you and your feelings. It also uses the indirectness so common in frum writing. When you have something to say, just say it.

It's fine to write "I'm concerned about policies a,b, and c. Will the new administration be continuing those policies? Understanding your educational philosophy will help us make the right choice for our son."

Do you really want your son in this yeshiva or are you just interested in telling them how they messed up with the other kids? Don't get me wrong, I'd be angry, too. But is there a benefit to writing this letter or are you doing it to vent? If it's to vent, then you did a good thing by posting it here.

Good luck in your school choice.

amother

Peach

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 9:44 am

amother wrote:

Yep- I think it was a vent to here- before I did something dumb- I can always rely on you guys to bring it back own a step.

The new principal is good and honest and a no surprises kind of guy and knows our family. A lot of the teachers are the same- especially the rabbeim, for some reason even the bad ones are never let go. My big problem now is that the school has always been a bit more to the right of us- which I don't mind- we can all grow- its the crazy rebbi stories that they tell. Always stories of what the Gadol did not do- like not finishing all the food on his plate to show he has control over taivos. Or the Rav who never leans back on his chair to show he is not going to be comfortable in his learning- why can't they tell the stories, about being a mentsch and helping someone- the best one I heard recently was about the bochur who was complaining to Rav Gifter about the bochurs wife wanting him to take time out from learning to take out the garbage and lo and behold the next morning was Rav Gifter taking out their garbage- to me that is a good story on so many levels!

The other school in the neighborhood is a little more to the left, so yes, Torah, but not the same Ahavas Hashem, but no stories that drive us nuts. Either school we would need to pull back to center to create a healthy balance, its just what you want to expose your child too and depending on the child, one of the places could totally turn them off. Wish I could homeschool this child, but he already doesn't like going out and doing things and enjoys being a homebody, so that socially it would not be good for him. I miss my kids being little !

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 2:29 pm

amother wrote:

we can all grow.. we grow upwards, not to the right or left.

if the schools's hashkafa makes you uncomfortable - its likely not the place for your son.

amother

Peach

Sun, Dec 24 2017, 2:58 pm

ooh- so well said! I like that growing up, not right or left!