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-> Parenting our children
MMEC123
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Fri, Aug 24 2007, 12:04 am
Please bear with me as I babble out my thoughts but I do also want some input from you...
I was thinking about the different dynamics in mine and DH's family. In DH's family there are certain things that are just the norm- if your parent or grandparents says jump, you ask "how high" no matter what it is, no matter how inconvenient or ridiculous it is. I find that they instill respect by fear. If you don't do what they want they call another family member they think might have more influence on you to tell you what to do. If that doesn't work, they embarass you into doing it. The end result is that you are respectful in that you do what is expected- because you're afraid of the backlash.
My family is quite different. No demands are made on us and therefore we are not quite as involved with each other.
An example to illustrate this is with calling grandparents. If I don't call DH's grandparents every X amount of days (very often), they send someone after me until I do. My grandparents are not very pushy, call every so often and I only call them every once in a while. It's a small example but I hope it helps illustrate the broader picture without getting too specific.
So then I started thinking and comparing it l'havdil to our relationship with Hashem. One level is avoda m'yira and the other is avoda m'ahava- the second being the more ideal.
Bringing this back to our families (though it can also help us think about our avodas Hashem)...how do you instill in yourself and in your children respect where it does not come from a place of fear but rather a place of love? In my family I feel respect is lacking altogether. In DH's family, ultimately I'm finding that the respect due to fear is making me resentful and not feel respectful at all.
SO... I want to know how to bring myself to the better level. Furthermore how can I help instill my children with this important value?
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