Struggling... how much pocket money?

amother

Khaki

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 7:34 pm

PSA for anyone who thinks it's a good idea to give their kids whatever they want:
One day they will get married and have to pay bills. They won't be able to eat out as often as they were used to, or buy their every whim. And that will be a very tough adjustment.
My husband grew up spoiled. We know have financial arguments because he cannot bring himself to budget. The thought of not being able to buy bagel/pizza/sushi/fleishigs as often as he likes is just too much for him. He has many "luxury" tendencies that as a young couple, are hard to maintain. Do your children a favor and teach them responsibility.

amother

Dodgerblue

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 7:34 pm

amother wrote:

If there is money aplenty, I don't see a good reason to say no to a request. I'm not here to make life hard on my children. I'm here to support them as they grow into adulthood. Wanna play? gimme an example of something you wanted as a kid and were told ''no''.

By giving them everything they want, all the time, I believe that you are setting them up for real difficulties when they are all grown up and need to support themselves. If they don't know how to budget needs vs wants, and never have to deal with not being able to buy something they want to have, never have to work for extras that they want, etc., how do you expect them to handle it when real life hits them full-force?
My husband grew up in a household where all you needed to do to get something is ask. When we got married he had no idea how valuable money is. He didn't realize how hard-earned each dollar is. Sometime after shana rishona, when he left kollel and started looking for a job, things were a bit tight financially, and it hit him full-force, and he developed an anxiety disorder which very soon turned into depression... Bh he's mostly out of the depression, but is still struggling with the anxiety. And he has said many times regarding money "I had no clue." or "I wish I would have known how hard you need to work to make a dollar." and "it's crazy; I never knew everything is so expensive" or other things like that.

amother

Babyblue

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 7:39 pm

Not sure if this counts as giving my kids an allowance:
I put money by direct debit into my kids savings accounts. I tell them their allowance is in their bank account and if they need any of it, they should let me know and I withdraw it for them. aka moving the money online into my own bank account and giving them the cash from my wallet instead...

anon because I have discussed this style with a lot of people.
I do it because I want their money to grow whenever possible, and dont really want them to spend it all now. they like seeing online with me how their money is growing.

amother

Lawngreen

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 8:12 pm

amother wrote:

Designer sweatshirts. Nike Shoes. Disney on Ice.

I wasn't told "no" as much as was taught why these were things that my parents didn't want to spend money on.

There is a balance between making sure your children don't feel ostracized- and giving them whatever they want.

Not sure of the value of spoiling children - it doesn't make them any happier.

amother

Silver

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 9:43 pm

I don't give an allowance.
They get money chanuka and purim and we put it aside together. They can also trade in candies they get in shul/school for money and that's theirs too. If they want to buy something, they ask me for their money (this way I"m on top of what they're spending it for) and we go and buy it.

amother

Pink

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 9:44 pm

If you spoil your children by giving them everything they want (even within your budget) your in big trouble if your finances ever take a dip or you need to tighten your belts, even temporarily. People, especially children, don’t do well at all with lowering material standards.

unexpected

Sat, Jan 06 2018, 10:03 pm

My teenagers get 5$ weekly for mikvah + 5$ for odds and ends. In general I expect them to eat yeshiva food and I buy everything they need but I also want them to have somethin in their pockets if it's a lunch/supper that they hate or if everyone is chipping in for something. Also, if they ru b out of paper or pens I'd rather they pick it up than wait until I can get it. My boys who don't go to mikvah daily only take as much as they need. My daughter, 12, gets 5 dollars on Sunday to buy herself something special. I don't like to gibe too much but the girls are always buying something before or after school and I don't want her borrowing from anyone. The girls where I live always seem to have pockets fI'll of cash and even the most financially strapped parents feel they have no choice but to give.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Jan 07 2018, 1:45 am

amother wrote:

Do they have to pay for everything themselves now?

No. We of course provide clothing and food and pay for their youth groups and activities. We also pay for buying the group shirt for a shabbaton or whatever. But. If they want to go out for pizza or a movie or ice cream. Or buy sunglasses or whatever is just an extra, then they pay for it. If they want to save for fancy shoes, go for it. I'm not buying you 400 shekel blundstones, but you are welcome to save and buy them.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Jan 07 2018, 1:47 am

amother wrote:

Do they have to pay for everything themselves now?