Guilty feelings about past bad behavior towards kids

amother

Mauve

Tue, Jan 23 2018, 11:22 pm

If you're responding to me "mauve" amother, I'm not the op. Sorry if I confused you.
Maybe I should start my own thread, but felt the advice I get here can be beneficial for op as well.

amother

Babyblue

Wed, Jan 24 2018, 2:51 am

I'm the OP. I spoke to my 16 yr old daughter last night. I was in bed early, before her, and she came to say good night. This is roughly how the conversation went -
I said "do you remember how I used to sometimes be really bad tempered, when you were smaller, and I used to shout and sometimes say really mean things, like I hate you?"
She said she remembers.
I said "that was really horrible of me. I really didn't mean it. I was just really irritable, and impatient, and didn't control what I was saying"
She said "you're the best ima. You don't get grumpy. don't feel bad. You're the best"

I'm just telling you all this not so that you're going to tell me that she's in denial and we all need to go to therapy, rather, because I want you to know that she really did seem quite laid back about it.
I think you blew things out of proportion a bit, because it really didn't happen that often, and I don't think saying something bad always has to traumatize someone for life.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Jan 24 2018, 3:28 am

In my experience, when you improve, children are so thrilled about the positive changes, they easily forgive the negative past.
Mommies- take heart; when your children experience your positive changes that's all they care about.
A mommy who perpetuates negative habits- those children forever feel sad to not have a kind and loving mother. So when you break the cycle your children are just happy you're on the right track.
Just my assumptions.
I'm thinking about my own mother- if she was to make positive changes I wouldn't give a whit about her history of negative behaviors.

MitzadSheini

Wed, Jan 24 2018, 4:47 am

Way to go baby blue! A true genuine apology done with the aim to admit guilt and ease the pain of the "victim" has the power to heal the pain of both the victim and the wrongdoer.

Beautiful to read.

Iymnok

Wed, Jan 24 2018, 6:05 am

amother wrote:

Now I want to know what you've done since then if you have a daughter who comes in to say goodnight and talks to you like that.
I agree with her, you're the best!