disagreements over babys name

amother

Sun, Jun 10 2007, 9:22 am

dh and I can't agree on a name. he wants to name after his grandmother. I have no problem with that except the main reason is that his mother and grandfather want him to. and I'm not interested in naming a name just to make his family happy. I don't like the pressure factor of it and don't think its fair. maybe I'm being petty, bec unless this is our only girl, we would name the next one after his grandmother. on the other hand, if this is our only girl (which no one has any way of knowing) and we don't name after her then no one will be named after her. again, I just don't like the pressure thing, bec they will be upset and if we don't name after, lets say his other grandmother or my aunt (after whom no one else will name also), there is no one to get upset over it (his other grandmother) or the relatives are too much of a mentsch to get upset or make an issue or pressure (my aunt).
oh and I don't know if this is a factor, but our 1st was named for s/o on his side.
what do you think?

melalyse

Sun, Jun 10 2007, 12:37 pm

I personally feel that it is important to name kids after close family members. We have one son that was named after my husbands 2 grandfathers ( the same name). G-d willing when we have a daughter we will name it after one of his 2 grandmothers. I have a greatgrandmother to name after. But 1)he was much much closer to his grandmothers 2)it would mean so much to his parents and 3)If we wouldn't use those names nobody else would. So I think that while it is totally wrong for family members to pressure you It is important who it will make happy. I was name after my mothers father even though I was a girl because my grandmother was sick and my mom thought that it would make her happy. Just my opinion.
And I know that I probably will never be able to pick out a name that I like myself, but I think that this is way more important.

happymom

Sun, Jun 10 2007, 12:50 pm

I think that if u dont have a close family member on your side to name after (as close as his) then its only right to name ure kid that if he wants it, no matter what the reason. Im sure u would want the same if this sitch was reversed to ure side no? unless u REALLy dont want to name ure kid that (not because u dont want to do what they want u do, but because u REALLy dont want that name) and ure husband also really doesnt care, I think its fair to name his side...

happymom

Sun, Jun 10 2007, 2:23 pm

Quote:

op here.
I like the name, thats not the issue. I just don't think its fair, pressure from one side, none from the other, so my aunt won't be named after bec my grandfather and mother are too nice to say anything. even tho I know my grandfather will be beyond happy if we named for his sister, who was his last remaining blood relative

thats why I think u should take the pressure issue aside and choose what name YOU guys want. if YOU want the name then even if theres pressure, the reason u are naming the kid is cuz u wanted it! if u dont want it (even if tehre wasnt pressure) ud pick a diff name, then pick a diff one..

either way the REbbe says that the first child should be named by husband and second by the wife. (unless they agree otherwise)

Ruchel

Mon, Jun 11 2007, 4:14 am

I heard the contrary, first child named by mom...

Anyway, why not name after both? Dd is named after 3 people, 4 if you count one of the secular names. Of course you won't call the child by all his names, but as far as the religious names are concerned, all will be used for the most important moments, bris/naming, bar/bas mitzva, called to Torah, marriage.......

In my grandmother's minhag, the first son is named after paternal grandfather, second son after maternal, third after paternal uncle, fourth after maternal... same for daughters... unless one of these people is deceased, then he/she is named after asap.

TammyTammy

Tue, Jun 26 2007, 7:18 pm

ladyliberty wrote:

Quote:

Can you do both together? I know someone that was being pressured by her grandmother in law to use her husbands name, but she was just as happy to have it as a middle name even if it wasn't being used.

most times, when you name after two people, nobody ends up happy

However, this couple has no obligation to make anyone happy other than themselves. If they decide to name after two different people, they don't have to please either side.

Tammy

Boys"R"Us

Wed, Jun 27 2007, 12:25 am

We also made that decision early on...

We used the family names as middle names, and the first name (that the child is known by), we chose together because we liked them.

My Grandfather passed away while I was pregnant with #3, and I really liked the name, but DH wasn't so keen on it, so we stuck to our formula of middle names. I think my Dad would have been happier if we had used his Dad's name as a first name, but he was satisfied that we had used it as we gave both the hebrew and english names of my Grandfather as the baby's hebrew & english middle names. (That baby is 10 now!).

amother

Wed, Jun 27 2007, 2:55 am

DS was born after several years of IF. Everyone knew we were going to name him after my father O"H since I got pg within 6 months of his pertira. If we had a girl, however, my MIL would probably have been very upset since I probably would have preferred a name like Nechoma to a family name and I am sure the only female family name she would find acceptable is her mother's anyway. We anyway had to change the name since my father and DH share a middle name. We weren't sure if we were going to use my father's name as the first or middle name, but once he was born it was clear to me what his name was. My mom was so thrilled at the bris. Not only did she love the name she told me that ifI had given him amy father's name as a middle name should would have been upset.

Basically what I think you can learn from all this is that naming comes with siyata d'shemaya. When you get to know your baby you will know what his/her name is.

B'shaa tovah!

miriamnechama

Tue, Aug 28 2007, 9:20 am

we had a simmillar story. after my mom passed away I was fostered. when I was preg with ds 1 my fm asked if we have a boy if we could name for her father. I said sure no prob what happened was that she married my ff who's name was moshe and her father was moshe nissan. after she go married her father passed away so she couuldn't and nor could her children give the full name.my sis gave eliezer nissan. so it was many years and she really wanted the name. so I agreed and we were the ones who could do it.

when ds was born dh had something else in mind, being brslov he wantedto give nachman and ask his rov. I was like no wat we gave our word and that's that. he claimed that he also had hacoras hatov to rebbe nachman. as well. anyways, hashgacha showed that he couldn't get intouch with is rov so the night before the bris it was deceded to name for her father. she was soo happy with the name and ff said that she always had a special spot for ds1. I said to dh that nachman could always be given but to hurt the feeling of someone who is alive and really wants a name that was never given.... we had to do.

funny by ds2 who was born in nissan, go figure Hashem's ways, before his preg I said to dh one day forget the name nosson..... it won't go natan nosson etc, so the joke went to nathan and jason. well Hashem has his ways... on the yartzeit of moshe nissan, dh went up to his kever and low and behold what does he see written there Moshe Nissan ben Nosson, another name never given in the familly. there was no question about it, I agreed immedeately and we gave the name nosson, and agaim my f. mother was thrilled that here other grandfather was named for. (ok dh also says to his fiends it's rebbe nosson but I keep it a familly name) well since he was born in nissan everyone said we should have given moshe nissan then. Hashem has His ways s we4 added Eliyau also gfather and eliyahu hanavi. and I decided with dh who cared what he'll be called, half call he natan half call him nosson. I nosson and dh natan. I really don't care anymore.

well 9 months later f. mother passed away and I realezed and understood why I had to have 2 boys, in order to give those names before she left the world. we are still waiting to name after my mother and grandmother and now after my foster mother though she has 2 names already, but I believe in the zechus of the chesed I did to her and the hakoras hatov or her bringing me up, I will also be blessed with a girls to name after my mother grandmother etc.

wow what a story!!