How can I best help my son (2nd grade)?

amother

Pink

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 8:38 am

Last year, there was a boy in my son's class who was being teased/bullied. When he stayed home one day, the teacher told the boys that it's a terrible thing to make fun of him because it can make a person want to kill themselves. I was very surprised that the teacher said this- but was at a loss as to how to deal with it because the 'damage' had already been done, and also we didn't expect much from this teacher to begin with.

Now my son is sometimes treated unfairly or teased by other boys. When he comes home upset about it, he says "I want to kill myself". Obviously the teasing needs to be properly addressed- but should I also respond directly to what he is expressing here? If so, what is the right thing to say?

cuties' mom

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 9:54 am

I would ask, "Why would you want to do that?" And after he explains what the kids do to him or whatever his reasoning is, I would say, "It would be pretty sad if you didn't get to do ___(something he's looking forward to) anymore." Help him focus on the positive in his life. Also, give him techniques to deal with the teasing and get someone in school involved in helping him.

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 10:05 am

First of all, hugs for dealing with this. 2- relax. Many many kids go through tough times but don't kill themselves or even want to go near there, even if they say so. It has become part of our slang to say that. 3- you'll try to deal with it as best you can and hopefully you'll be able to help your son, no need to become hysterical. And if you have a very hard time dealing with it, you can always ask for help, either through parenting classes or private consultations with professionals.
To start, designate a time every day that you can talk to your son privately. (All children need it, but for the sake of the current post, I'll keep the discussion just with a focus on the boy). In this private time, about 5-10 minutes, there's no reprimanding. Only listening and discussing how his day and yours went. He should be able to tell you details of the bullying that went on in school. You need to use the opportunity to help him through this with ideas he can actually carry out.
*Do not ask "why didn't you...?" Instead ask what has he already tried, and suggest by adding "how about..?".
*Do not tell him "but". No but anything. He's truly trying the best he can. Instead say "so you did... in order to. ..?", "And how did it work out?" "Do you want to try something else? Or do you want to do the same thing and get the same results?"
*Teach him to take some deep breaths to help him think more clearly when he's discussing this with you.
*Keep him close to you with patting him with downward motion as you talk.
*Ask him tour tell you if a discussion is becoming too overwhelming so maybe you can leave some for the next day or so.
*When your discussion is over, make sure to tell the teacher in charge about what your son is going through, and demand something to be done ASAP.
*As long as you see it going in the right direction, keep going. The moment you feel stuck, ask for guidance from people on the field.