Feel so so so bad I hit my son

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 11:45 am

amother wrote:

Have to ask DH but sounds like you are misquoting something there..

This is from Rabbi Avigdor Miller, that's who I usually quote. He said this very clearly, but I never heard this anywhere else, so I'm assuming it's not something that's actually use nowadays...

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 11:47 am

heidi wrote:

I've tried to keep out of this bcz. I am assuming that everyone hitting their kids is doing so bcz. they don't know better. Please just know that potching your children, even a gentle potch, that locking your kids in rooms or closets is AGAINST THE LAW!!!!!!! Not to mention the terrible trauma you are putting your kids through. But if a kid mentions in school how Mommy potches anyone who misbehaves, you will definitely be investigated as child abusers.

Potching is against the law in which country? Not the USA. At least not yet.

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 11:48 am

imasoftov wrote:

I am 110% sure that when I see a parent hitting a child I am legally entitled to rip both of the parents arms off and that if anyone disagrees with me that they're simply wrong.

Um, explain this please??? Thank you.

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 11:55 am

behappy2 wrote:

1. Hitting out of anger is different than hitting as a form of discipline

2. Hitting out of anger is not ok. (That is why the op started this thread in the first place) hitting as a form of discipline is a decision that is up to each parent to make. (It is not my understanding that it is against the law. Check the law in your state)

3. We all do things in parenting we shouldn't. Dust off your skirt. Start again. Apologize to the child. Kiss and make up.

I didn't read all the posts. Hope this wasn't redundant.

Thank you, behappy2, I totally agree with your post.

I was posting quickly as it was Friday, but I'm not sure where hitting out of anger came into this conversation. As far as I know it's NEVER ok to be angry, and it's never ok to speak loshon haroh, and it's never ok to embarrass someone in public, among many other things that ideally we should be doing...

I'm not sure where I said that it's ok to hit out of anger. You're NEVER allowed to get angry Confused

, but according to seforim you are allowed to ACT angry when you are disciplining (ka'as al hapanim, etc.)

I think my point in all this is that if someone said, "I am really working on myself not to speak loshon harah, but I couldn't resist yesterday", do we tell her to run ASAP to therapy? No. So why is this different?

We're all human. We all do things we shouldn't ideally do. And potching a kid lightly once in a blue moon is completely halachically acceptable, loshon harah and ona'as devorim is not. So I'm not sure how this whole issue became "ya'harog v'al yaavor" Confused

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 12:19 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

Potching is against the law in which country? Not the USA. At least not yet.

Agree, as noted here..
https://www.parentmap.com/arti.....-kids

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 12:22 pm

Deleted double post

keym

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 12:32 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

There are zero sources from the Torah that you are not allowed to hit, even in anger (Its never ok to be angry, but that's a separate discussion). It actually says in the Gemarah that if someone kills his child out of anger, he is not liable.

It certainly appears from the quoted that youre saying that the Torah says hitting out of anger is not so bad, and its much worse to not hit at all.

Laiya

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 12:57 pm

keym wrote:

It certainly appears from the quoted that youre saying that the Torah says hitting out of anger is not so bad, and its much worse to not hit at all.

The mainstream contemporary halachic view is not to hit.

Dr. Sorotzkin has sources for those who are interested

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 1:27 pm

Laiya wrote:

The mainstream contemporary halachic view is not to hit.

Dr. Sorotzkin has sources for those who are interested

No, not really.

And it would be pretty impossible to post sources, since there are none.

heidi

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 1:35 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

Potching is against the law in which country? Not the USA. At least not yet.

It's a fine line sweetheart.

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 1:36 pm

heidi wrote:

It's a fine line sweetheart.

In what way, darling?

Laiya

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 1:37 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

No, not really.

And it would be pretty impossible to post sources, since there are none.

By sources I meant, contemporary, widely accepted gedolim. According to Dr. Sorotzkin, this is the mainstream view held by them--that hitting for chinuch is wrong.

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 1:41 pm

Laiya wrote:

By sources I meant, contemporary, widely accepted gedolim. According to Dr. Sorotzkin, this is the mainstream view held by them--that hitting for chinuch is wrong.

So post them. Seriously, I don't think they exist.

I don't know who Dr. Sorotzkin is, but he's not my poseik, at least not as far as I know...

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 1:54 pm

amother wrote:

Agree, as noted here..
https://www.parentmap.com/arti.....-kids

None of my children have "anti-social behavior or cognitive difficulties".

Laiya

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 1:55 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

So post them. Seriously, I don't think they exist.

I don't know who Dr. Sorotzkin is, but he's not my poseik, at least not as far as I know...

He's not a posek, he's a psychologist. He can be easily googled and his articles are posted. I have found them to be eye-opening.

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 1:55 pm

heidi wrote:

It's a fine line sweetheart.

I would think the mothers who potch their kids around here are certainly not crossing that fine line..

WhatFor

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 4:18 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

Hitting out of anger came into the conversation with the OP's original post. THAT is precisely what this whole conversation should be about.

She got angry at her child, lost herself, hit him, and wanted advice for that.

Then a bunch of mothers came on here minimizing her legitimate concerns, telling her don't worry, it's okay to lose yourself and hit your child, but not if you're angry but it's okay if it's when you lose yourself (what?), and apparently there are sources that say it's okay to kill your child when you're angry (???!!!).

So it's really nice that everyone tried to take op's thread which was based on an actual real life scenario that she wanted assistance with and turned it into their personal platform to quote and misquote things about how people should generally be raising their children.

But since you're wondering who brought hitting out of anger into this conversation, it was the OP. She wanted help with it. That's what this thread is supposed to be about.

Mommyg8

Sun, Jan 28 2018, 6:54 pm

WhatFor wrote:

Ok, I just went back and read op's post, so I get what you're saying.

I'm sticking to my guns. It's not ok to get angry, period, but all of us do, at some time or another. Doesn't mean we all need therapy. That was my point to op.

I think we got sidetracked on the halachic aspect of hitting. AFAIK, while it is not recommended to hit out of anger, I don't know that I would put it in the same category as, for arguments sake, eating a cheeseburger. Or hurting your friend's feelings, for those for whom only onaas devarim anologies work. It's not like it's a terrible thing, just not recommended.

My advice to op (who intelligently left this conversation a long time ago), was, to feel sorry that you did it, try to counteract this with something positive like an extra hug or some extra Mommy time, and GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE. For real.

imasoftov

Mon, Jan 29 2018, 4:40 am

Mommyg8 wrote:

Um, explain this please??? Thank you.

Satire, how does it work?

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