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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
singleagain
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 8:39 am
Bnei Berak 10 wrote: | I was not referring to someone who suffers from social anxiety. That is something that probably can be treated. |
Some techniques used by anxious ppl might be helpful for ppl with shyness.
However, it can be hard to determine the line between the two.
Looking back on my like I was always "shy". I recently came across my kindergarten graduation video, in it my five year old self is refusing to let go of a piece of paper, to the point where, when I get up to say my part I put it between my knees. That was probably a symptom of anxiety. And for whatever reason the paper was an obvious "security blanket" to help me.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 8:48 am
amother wrote: | When I made a simcha, a relative who I am very close to vented to me that she guesses she needs to be there for the whole simcha but she won't feel very comfortable because who will she sit with, since I won't be able to keep her company? Whatever you do, don't imply to the baalas simcha that you're not very excited for her simcha and that you wish you wouldn't have to attend. |
Well well, this relative had some expectations...
Is there ever a baalat simcha that gets to sit at her own event? I don't think so.
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thanks
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 8:48 am
I often come late to weddings. My friends or neighbors that came early are usually already seated near each other. I sit at whatever seat is left (usually at the table that's left with random guests) and I try to strike up a conversation with whoever is near me. I realize this is hard for some people. Much of the time is spent standing and dancing anyway.
I once found it very uncomfortable when a group of friends were trying to make room for each other at a table where I and a few others were already sitting. I wanted to tell them to just grow up, and split up in two or more tables. Really, we are not in high school anymore!
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Chayalle
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 9:34 am
shabbatiscoming wrote: | I never go to separate seating smachot unless its a family affair and then I know my family members.
I would say in the last 15 years, I have only gone to separate seating affairs of family members.
I will not go otherwise. I did that at the beginning of our marriage to friends of my husbands who were charedi and I knew NO ONE. It was awful and I did it twice. Then I told my husband that Im not doing it again. Hw completely understood. We didnt see each other all evening anyway, so it was fine, he got to be at his friend's smachot and I got to stay home in pjs and watch tv |
When my husband's friends were getting married, I only went if I knew the Kallah. Otherwise I just spent a quiet evening at home.
My pet peeve is when there are seating cards and people ignore them. For example, by one of my sister's Simchas, she sat all of us sisters at a table together with her SIL's. There was another table for all of her nieces. But her SIL sat her own daughters at our table instead, so that there were not enough seats for us....so two of us relocated to the girls' table...
I see this kind of thing all the time. I'm not saying sometimes the Baal Simcha's seating doesn't work out for some people, but it's still incredibly rude to take someone else's seat (especially when there are clearly present - not a no show....)
On a humorous note, my aunt has a SIL whose name is the same as my sister's. So at my first cousin's wedding, she took my sister's seating card by mistake, and came to our table. She's a lovely person with a great personality, and we welcomed her to "the party" and enjoyed her company....my own sister was late coming, and by the time she came, she just figured she's seated with us, never even got her card... but we were short one seat, so the waitress kindly helped us out...at that point we all realized the mix-up, and had a good laugh. Aunt's SIL said she enjoyed herself - a change of venue, so to speak.
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amother
Chocolate
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 12:25 pm
I've been at weddings where I didn't know anyone at my table and no one spoke to me. It was awful. I left early.
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Fox
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 1:19 pm
Sigh. It's a problem.
First, you have the people who seem to believe that they should only talk to people who are already in their circle of friends. Try to engage them in conversation and they are constantly looking past your shoulder for better prospects.
But assuming you strike up a conversation with a tablemate, it won't be a long one, because the band will quickly drown you out -- and not just during the dancing.
I'm not sure what the answer is. Between this thread and the one about pilfering from the dessert table, perhaps we should go back to spaghetti dinners in the gymnasium until everyone can behave nicely.
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octopus
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 4:23 pm
I've attended simchas where I didn't know a soul. I enjoy looking around and watching people. I have no problem eating alone. It doesn't bother me if I'm not talking to someone and if I find someone to talk to ...then wonderful! I just enjoy taking in the simcha.
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Fox
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 8:15 pm
octopus wrote: | I have no problem eating alone. |
This made me think of a sweatshirt I saw advertised a few days ago: "Always carry a book with you in case of emergencies -- like social gatherings."
Made sense to me!
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amother
Tan
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 8:33 pm
octopus wrote: | I've attended simchas where I didn't know a soul. I enjoy looking around and watching people. I have no problem eating alone. It doesn't bother me if I'm not talking to someone and if I find someone to talk to ...then wonderful! I just enjoy taking in the simcha. |
I'm like this too. I kind of just smile & say Mazal Tov to others & then enjoy the food & looking around and observing everything. In fact, I kind of enjoy being on my own & not having to make conversation unless someone else talks to me.
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tigerwife
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 8:39 pm
octopus wrote: | I've attended simchas where I didn't know a soul. I enjoy looking around and watching people. I have no problem eating alone. It doesn't bother me if I'm not talking to someone and if I find someone to talk to ...then wonderful! I just enjoy taking in the simcha. |
Yes, this is what I've learned to do. I'm also a bit shy to strike up conversations with strangers (though you wouldn't guess if you were the one who started the conversation!). So I people watch, eat a bit, smile, and likely leave a bit earlier than if I would have had good company.
Similarly, I used to feel terrible for people who ate alone in restaurants, but now I have no issue doing the same if I am hungry and away from home with no company. A phone or book makes a good companion, too.
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agreer
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 10:36 pm
amother wrote: | I'm like this too. I kind of just smile & say Mazal Tov to others & then enjoy the food & looking around and observing everything. In fact, I kind of enjoy being on my own & not having to make conversation unless someone else talks to me. |
I would prefer to sit alone sometimes...but then I feel self-conscious when someone has obviously decided I'm a "nebach" and wants to make me their mitzvah for the evening. Sometimes, I'd really rather not talk to anyone.
I often play with my cell to look "busy" so no one feels the need to sit next to me.
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southernbubby
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Thu, Feb 01 2018, 10:58 pm
amother wrote: | I've been at weddings where I didn't know anyone at my table and no one spoke to me. It was awful. I left early. |
I have done the same thing. There is no point in staying and having a lousy time.
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