Explain this part of motherhood to me!

amother

cornflower

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 7:55 am

amother wrote:

Op, in your op you write" I want her to have everything" . If your being honest with yourself is that yes you do want to give her everything but you know you
Can't/won't / jealous

Being honest with yourself is the first way to deal with

I’m not sure where jealous comes in here? I’m certainly not jealous. I just love my daughter and the thought of her experiencing any pain even a minor type like this scenario hurts. I’m finding it amusing how this not super complicated situation is being pathologized.

observer

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 8:54 am

amother wrote:

Feel worried. don't want her to wonder why she didn't get a party also. She hasn't said but a word and chances are she won't. I guess I just don't want to think about my children experiencing any pain? Even though obviously I know it's all part of developing into a person, and is what makes a well rounded healthy resilient human being.

I totally hear what you are saying, we want to shield our kids from any pain... we just love them so much.

The truth is, that most likely your daughter will just enjoy the party and have a great time, not mentally comparing it to her own birthday celebration. And if she does have a fleeting thought that she would like to have that type of party, it will not be the way you are imagining it, she certainly wont be sad at the party, going to a birthday party is a kids dream!

(Similar situation here with celebrating birthdays)

ellacoe

Fri, Feb 02 2018, 11:51 am

amother wrote:

So recently it was my daughters birthday. I bought her a cute little chachka and we had ice cream for dessert with sprinkles and choc syrup. SHe was so happy! Then she got invited to a classmates birthday party, and my heart! I automatically pictured her little face seeing the party and wondering why she didnt have that too! SHe also had a birthday! Why did her mommy not make an exciting party like this? My heart is melting. I went over to her sleeping in her bed and kissed her and started tearing up. No. I am not making her a party. It's not that I feel pressured to give her everything that everyone else has, I really don't. But I WANT her to have everything! Even though at the end of the day I know I don't want to raise her like that and I won't, it hurts me. Excuse my ramble, I'm just trying to figure out these feelings.. any insight?

You sound like a very caring Mother. So in that you are already on your way to giving your daughter "everything". A few questions to consider, what is everything? Do we have the ability give our children everything? Is that even possible? Think about what it is that you really want to give her. Is it a strong sense of self, is it the knowledge of knowing right from wrong, and choosing right? Everyone has something different that they want to give their children. Everything is very broad and we don't have everything ourselves so it is hard to give them something that we don't have.

Also, what makes you think that she will see the party and think why not me? Perhaps this could be used a teaching opportunity for her to see that everyone has different ways of doing things, and celebrating things.