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DS3 tantrum for the most irrational things. WWYD?



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amother
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Post Sat, Feb 03 2018, 6:06 pm
So ds3 has been tantruming all summer for the craziest things. Like he would want to carry his plate of macaroni outside and it was not allowed to spill, but always did. He got better the last few months and now he tantrums again non-stop. He got a new toy which plays songs when you press the button and he'll tantrum that he wanted a diff song. He knows he will need to press the other button to have the other song sing, but he cries and tantrums that he doesn't want this song. He is so irrational and annoying. Dh is going away soon for a few days and I am terrified to be home with him and the baby without having a nervous breakdown. The baby is no easy feat either, but one at a time I can still handle. Two screaming, demanging kids- I can't. Any ideas to get my ds3 to be happy and not tantrum all day? TIA
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 03 2018, 6:44 pm
I have a three year old son who's also going through a stage where anything is liable to result in a tantrum or at least whining. I think it's normal... he's three, of course he's upset when things don't go his way (especially if he witnesses his parents get upset/stressed when things don't go their way. That's the case with my son, I admit it.).
What helps is to:
Model healthy reactions among adults. If something goes wrong, say out loud, "that's frustrating but it's okay, because we can fix it/do something else/do it later..." then you can do the same for your son.

Calmly help him out. If he's upset about the spill, for example, calmly say, "oh, it spilled. You don't like the mess! Let me help you clean it up, and we can get some more."

It's frustrating but you're the parent; you need to remain calm, and model calm behavior, and hopefully this stage will pass.
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rachel6543




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 03 2018, 6:53 pm
This is normal behavior.

Something I found helped at that age was to give choices. Do you want to wear the red shirt or blue shirt. Do you want to eat a grape or blueberry? Do you want your milk in the green or blue cup? You pick what the choices are but it helps to give them some control.

Another thing I found helps is to tell them, “sorry but I cannot understand you when your cry/whine.... etc. mommy only understands you when you stop crying and talk to mommy nicely with a nice voice. It’s okay to feel sad/mad... etc. but it’s not okay to yell/scream/.... etc.” ignore the behavior until the tantrum is done and then talk to them when they are ready. It requires patience, but I find this usually really works, I still use this method with my 9 year old.
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amother
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Post Sat, Feb 03 2018, 6:57 pm
Thanks. The only problem: I cannot talk to him as long as he is crying. No sympathy, no making deals with him... nothing. He will cry and scream and couldn't care less what I am saying. I just have to DO something, but not always can I. He could go on crying for an hour straight while I need to plug my ears.....
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 03 2018, 6:59 pm
rachel6543 wrote:
This is normal behavior.

Something I found helped at that age was to give choices. Do you want to wear the red shirt or blue shirt. Do you want to eat a grape or blueberry? Do you want your milk in the green or blue cup? You pick what the choices are but it helps to give them some control.

Another thing I found helps is to tell them, “sorry but I cannot understand you when your cry/whine.... etc. mommy only understands you when you stop crying and talk to mommy nicely with a nice voice. It’s okay to feel sad/mad... etc. but it’s not okay to yell/scream/.... etc.” ignore the behavior until the tantrum is done and then talk to them when they are ready. It requires patience, but I find this usually really works, I still use this method with my 9 year old.


Yes. These are both excellent tips. My son stops crying when I tell him I don't understand, and then expresses what he wants in a clearer, calmer way. It's amazing to see.
Honestly, I'm amazed he can do that; I can't just turn off my emotions calm down and speak more clearly when I'm upset! I'm so proud of my son, and he inspires me to work on myself.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 03 2018, 7:01 pm
amother wrote:
Thanks. The only problem: I cannot talk to him as long as he is crying. No sympathy, no making deals with him... nothing. He will cry and scream and couldn't care less what I am saying. I just have to DO something, but not always can I. He could go on crying for an hour straight while I need to plug my ears.....


Either repeat calm instructions (maybe with a hug or two if he lets) until he's calm, or let him cry, and ignore. (If you can't handle the crying, go into a different room or try stress relieving tactics.) He will soon get the message that crying won't scare you.
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rachel6543




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 03 2018, 7:15 pm
allthingsblue wrote:
Either repeat calm instructions (maybe with a hug or two if he lets) until he's calm, or let him cry, and ignore. (If you can't handle the crying, go into a different room or try stress relieving tactics.) He will soon get the message that crying won't scare you.


Agree with this.

Unfortunately, I find sometimes kids just have get the temper tantrum out of their system and then they are fine. I know, this is not the answer you are looking for. And if your kid tantrums for an hr, let them. Ignore the behavior and keep repeating calmly you can only understand them when they talk nicely.

Being a toddler is hard and being the parent of a toddler is even harder!!
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Sat, Feb 03 2018, 7:56 pm
I can totally relate to this- my ds is same age and the same way!! It’s so difficult at home and embarrassing when it’s in public. He’s not a baby anymore, he’s 3 and it’s so frustrating that in some ways he’s matured so much yet in other ways he’s become a monster. No other words to describe it but if you had to deal with your delicious sweet 3 year old tantruming non stop out of no where, pushing and biting you after you just went out of your way to give him a “treat” or something he literally just asked for, I think you’d go insane as well. Help!
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amother
Denim


 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 6:02 am
My daughter is 3, too, and she's been tantruming like that since before she turned 2. I'd stay calm, and tell her that when she cries I can't hear her, she needs to calm down first... Tried at some point to hug her to help her calm down, tried ignoring her so she can scream it out, basically everything. It was really out of hand. My daughter very recently started getting play therapy (because of multiple issues, out of control tantruming included). Her therapist suggested that we make a "happy chart". I didn't think it would work for her age, but she tantrums a lot less b'h. Basically, she has this chart, and every time she feels upset about something but didnt start crying and chose to stay happy instead, she tells me "mommy, ____ happened and I didn't cry. I want a sticker on my happy chart." I make a really big deal out of it when she gets a sticker. If she tantrums/cries when something happens, I tell her "you could've gotten another sticker, but you chose to cry instead" or something along those lines, and the reminder usually brings her to try to calm down (no sticker, even if she calms down right away).
anon, bec anyone who's been in my house the past 2 weeks has seen her happy chart on my kitchen wall.
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Chavas




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 10:51 am
3 year olds are not rational.
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alis_al_kulana




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 6:24 pm
My 3 year old did the same thing.
I empathize first, yes is so frustrating. Give him the word he needs to describe his feelings.
Then model, model, model. My kids love imitating my expressions, like "oh no" or very dramatically, "it's okay, now we fix it" with hand motions.
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simba




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 04 2018, 6:27 pm
I cannot think of anything that my 3 yr old does that is rational.
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