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Isramom8's talk about my granddaughter's cancer



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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 17 2018, 12:17 pm
Joy for Kollel Shabbat Dinner

Elana Horwitz

February 16, 2018


Shabbat Shalom and Chodesh Tov.



A visiting rabbi was once asked to address an audience. He wasn't prepared, and he asked the person in charge, "What should I speak about?" The answer was, "About ten minutes." I will speak about ten minutes.


Tonight, the first Shabbat of Adar, we're focusing on the theme of simcha. You all are aware that over the past month, my family and I have been coping with the serious illness of our 11 month old granddaughter, Ayelet Hashachar bat Shoshana Bracha.


It's been a roller coaster of uncertainty and emotions. And there is a lot more to come.


With all the drama in this unexpected situation, and there is definitely stress, I continue to be surprised and comforted by moments of joy.


Ayelet's cancer is rare and aggressive.


Any person worldwide has a 1 in about 4000 chance each year of being diagnosed with breast cancer.


In a lottery in which you pick 6 numbers from a possible pool of 49 numbers, your chances of winning the jackpot (correctly choosing all 6 numbers drawn) are 1 shot in almost 14 million.


I calculated that since we're 7.6 billion people in the world and there are about 100 new cases every year worldwide of the kind of cancer Ayelet has, a person has a 1 in 76 million chance of being diagnosed with it.


There are only 1 to 4 new cases a year in all of Israel.


My husband says about these unlikely statistics, "It's obvious, then, that this is a gift from Hashem."


Or as a friend of mine put it, "We knew that Ayelet was special. Now we know just how special she really is."


At this time a friend of mine is writing a fiction novel. She is releasing chapters in weekly installments, and that's making some readers very nervous. They ask:

How many chapters is it total?

Wondering how many tragedies to expect?

How much time do we have for the happy stuff to happen?

Guess what?

We never know how much time we have for the happy stuff to happen. Or how many tragedies to expect. Or how many chapters it is in total.

It's all up to the author.

In this case, the Author with a capital A, the Ribbono Shel Olam.


A person in a support group wrote, "I want to give advice that will help you stay calmer. It is impossible not to worry or wonder what your granddaughter's chances are or how others who went through her exact treatment fared. I just don't think it is conducive to your sanity and emotional well being to focus on it. I went into my child's treatment (she says) knowing that the odds weren't in his favor based on the research I had done when I got his initial diagnosis. From that point forward, I just prayed and expected that he would be on the good side of the odds and we did what we had to do to get there. I want you to stay as positive as possible!"


That was her advice. I think that different people cope differently. Personally I like knowing facts. It calms me to understand more of the whole picture of the situation I'm facing.



My sanity and emotional well being aren't damaged by preparing for all possibilities. I aim to connect with faith in all circumstances, humbly recognizing that ultimately they are not in my control. Every Yom Kippur at Neila I tell myself, seven times, Hashem Hu HaElokim. To me this means giving up control to Hashem. I try to make this understanding last all year. Now I have a daily reminder.


It seems ironic that I'm thinking of Yom Hakippurim as we approach Purim. But we know that the two days are compared. Rav Soloveitchik explains that "Purim epitomizes the instability, uncertainty, and vulnerability which characterize human life ... It alerts the Jew to the sudden turns of fortune, lurking dangers, the fickleness of life, even as the goral itself seems to operate through blind chance.” "Like Purim, Yom Kippurim engages the big goral."


"Each and every day", says Rav Eliyahu Safran, "we live personal 'Purims' in which tumult, confusion, uncertainty, danger and temptation toss and turn us; every night is Yom Kippur, a time when our regret, sorrow, insecurity, need for understanding, sensitivity, compassion, and forgiveness bring us to our knees before the Almighty G-d."Both Yom Kippur and Purim are about uncertainties we face, about questions of life itself. Rabbi Safran asserts that "the certainty of G-d’s power stands in stark contrast to the fundamental truth of our condition in this world".



As a zechut for Ayelet, someone close to the situation has started to be Shomer Shabbat. She asked me "why". Why do Shani and Ben and Ayelet deserve this? Why is it for the good?


I asked my husband what I should say, because in truth I don't have answers. I want to help strengthen her emunah, but if I say something that upsets her or something that proves false, I could damage it. My husband said to say that we don't know. After all, as a friend pointed out, even Moshe Rabbenu couldn't understand everything Hashem did. We need to strengthen our emunah unconditionally, without knowing why or if.



Someone said, "It must all seem like a bad dream. Especially given the suddenness with which your entire life changed."


It does seem so unreal. Ayelet is just a cute baby girl. What is she doing cooped up in a hospital room and having all these procedures?



But the fact is that my entire life didn't change, because there are still all the other people in my family to keep relating with and all the managing of the other things I do. My life just got more complicated and overshadowed.


I tell my daughter Shani that I'm a person who likes plans and schedules.

Now, the plan is Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

The schedule is Hakadosh Baruch Hu.


I'm trying to carry on as normal. It's not fair if I don't show interest in my other baby grandchild's crawling, or my seminary daughter's birthday, and so on. I'm still trying to be who people need me to be, while accessing my own authentic feelings.


At Shuk Mehadrin, the supermarket right here next to the Kollel, I got the attention of my friend, the shelf stocker, and I told her about the baby's illness. She said, "Go right now and get a pen from the front desk and write down your granddaughter's name, and I'll daven for her when I light Shabbat candles."

I explained the situation to the head cashier, and guess what she said? "Ani kvar mitpalelet al hayaldah hazot!" "I am already davening for this child!"

Both women are "secular".

Only in Israel.



It helps so much to know about people davening and caring, as you all do. That makes me feel very joyous.



I'm also so happy that at Schneider the doctors seem to be very on top of things medically. The doctors are accessible and respectful of our intelligence and involvement. That helps, since we feel that they are on our side and we know that as far as hishtadlut, we're doing everything we can. I imagine how much more difficult things would be if Shani and Ben had to weigh the pros and cons of taking Ayelet to be treated in another country, where they have no medical insurance and no support of family and friends. But in this case, there were no pros and cons to weigh. The hospitals in America that Raanana community members put my husband in touch with agreed that Schneider is an excellent place for Ayelet and that in America they would treat her in the same way. Baruch Hashem, I'm comforted and joyous about that.


I would like to give special mention to Dr. Ilit Koren of Meir hospital, who was the only one to insist on the CT that revealed Ayelet's brain tumor. Although she has been practicing medicine for only 4 years, Dr. Ilit Koren listened to her heart and spoke up over voices that were more experienced and deeper than her own. In making that courageous choice, she saved our granddaughter's life, at least for today.


One day Ayelet was low on platelets, which is a common reaction to chemotherapy, and she needed a blood transfusion. She also vomited, which is another common chemo reaction.

But she was so happy to go home that day that she started bouncing to her music!



Moments of insight into the person Ayelet is help me joyously focus, not on finding a cure, but a girl. On seeking no solution but You, Hashem. Sometimes when things seem to be going nowhere, we realize that they don't have to. When we're truly with HKB"H, there isn't anywhere we need to go.


I truly appreciate all the tefillot, all the caring, all the proposed initiatives and segulot even those that don't speak to me personally.

I feel joyful in that all of us, together, maintain a community kollel where women and men are welcome to make ourselves heard, within our group, with tzniut and kavod.


Within a crisis and along with stress, we *can* be happy. Ultimate joy comes from our relationship with our Creator. We ask in the words of a popular song, "Won't You help us realize the miracles that You do? Won't you help us realize that happiness comes from You?"



I wish us all a Shabbat Shalom and a Joyous Adar.
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chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 17 2018, 1:37 pm
That's beautiful in so many ways. I wish Ayelet health and you and her parents the koach to deal with this situation.
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grace413




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 17 2018, 1:45 pm
Thank you for sharing this with us. You are eloquent and your emunah is inspiring.

We are davening for your granddaughter.
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sirel




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 17 2018, 2:30 pm
Thank you for sharing
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 17 2018, 8:01 pm
Beautiful speech. Refuah Sheleimah to Ayelet. I will daven for her.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 17 2018, 8:27 pm
Beautiful. So much of what you wrote resonates deeply with me. Refuah Shelimah. I will be dovening.
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turca




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 17 2018, 9:39 pm
Refuah sheleima!
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Coffee Addict




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 17 2018, 9:43 pm
Beautiful. Refuah shleima. Lots of strength for you and your family.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 17 2018, 11:01 pm
That is beautiful! So inspirational. May your granddaughter have a refuah shlaima bekarov!!!!!
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Sat, Feb 17 2018, 11:15 pm
Wishing you strength and a yeshua/refuah bkorov.

Elana, I actually remember you from high school (we weren’t in the same grade). I’m not davening for a stranger... I really know you .. I’m davening for your granddaughter and picturing teenage Elana in S. High school! (Since that’s the last time I saw you)
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Momof14




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2018, 4:12 pm
Refua shilaima bikarov. Your precious granddaughter has a very precious grandmother . May H-shem bentch you both with long happy healthy nachas filled years. We're davening for you all.
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LittleDucky




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2018, 6:10 pm
Refuah Shelaima!! I hope we only share good news from now on!!
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elisheva25




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 18 2018, 7:07 pm
Thank you for writting this!!
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