Son was misbehaving at shul

amother

Denim

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 6:44 am

Wouldn't stay put. Wouldn't be quiet. Biting scratching screaming if you try to make him do anything so I just let him run away, and I know he made trouble but I'm so tired I just thought 'let the other kids handle him'.
Then later when I wasn't with him he had an accident on the floor. I'm embarrassed. I'm exhausted.

amother

Red

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 7:07 am

It happened.

Life happens.

It won't happen again. Next time, either plan better, or miss Megillah for your child.

I am a single mom with 3 under 5, one special needs. We went to a kids megilla reading. We still had to walk out for a bathroom break in middle. Kids weren't sleeping after the whole event until 10:30, because they were to excited to wind down right away.

There was no way I was going out at that time to be up and about from 5 this morning. Never mind finding a babysitter.

Anyways, long story short...prioritize better in the future, but for now, whatever happened, happened, and move on.

amother

Crimson

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 8:23 am

You cannot expect a small child to sit still for that long, especially at night. I had no expectations for my 3 year old. He was quiet for a few minutes and then started fidgeting. I gave him a quiet video to watch in the corner of the room and he was fine for the rest of the time.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 8:32 am

amother wrote:

my kids are 5 and under. They went to sleep last night regular time. They are not mechuyav in any way to hear Megillah - while I am. Also, there are very kind people in the community who do readings in their house , or other houses. Perhaps next time you can arrange to have one in your house? And you can text your neighbors they can join, I’m sure they’d be thrilled!

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 8:42 am

I took my 2 and 4 year old to shul and brought along snacks and books. I knew that if they weren't behaving I'd have to run out and go to a home megillah reading later without them. We live in a small community so everyone's kids were there and it was very family friendly. Bh they made it through. But I really had in mind that if they didn't I would just go take them out and hear megillah later. It's just the way it is with little ones. Don't stress. Happy purim op!

amother

Sienna

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 9:43 am

There should be Purim programs and children Megillah readings.
In my shul there is a children's Megillah reading, and 2 adult readings. This way if moms (or dads) missed the first for what ever reason, taking care of children at the children's Megillah the adults have a sons chance 40 minutes later.

dancingqueen

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 9:56 am

amother wrote:

Op for the future you know not to bring him to Megillah, especially at night. And if he’s acting up to that extent that’s your cue to leave. By letting him run off, you let him disturb everyone else. And I really hope you cleaned up if he had an accident at shul.

I really think that women with young children should be exempt from Megillah, it’s hard.

amother

Babypink

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 3:54 pm

My 8 yr old daughter didn't go! Who says kids should go?!
Sometimes my dh will take a boy w him if we are positive theyr ready for it...and I mean positive!!
But hugs op cuz u had an awful time and that has to be a mood killer...I'd be miserable!! And next time drop them off by me!!

flowerpower

Thu, Mar 01 2018, 4:11 pm

Kids can't sit too long. Especially that age. I take my kids to shul but come early so we get a corner spot. I bring toys and food to keep them occupied. They learn about megilla... why shouldn't they live it? If they look like they are getting edgy I tell them to play in the shuls hallway( I can see them but others kids are there too for entertainment). Also, the mens part is usually bigger and more interesting. Maybe next year you can send him with the men?

saw50st8

Fri, Mar 02 2018, 6:25 am

amother wrote:

My shul had a magician for the kids during the megillah at night and then a later adult reading. Most of the shuls near me do.

Simple1

Fri, Mar 02 2018, 7:28 am

A lot of shuls do separate readings for ladies.

The problem I had was that at the regular readings there were not enough chairs. And a child who might be old or mature enough to sit nicely can not manage if they would have to stand the whole time. I walked out and went to a later megilla.

SixOfWands

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 10:59 am

deams wrote:

We hold that it's important for kids to be by the migalla reading. I bring food and toys. My shul is ok with kids making a little noise. I am ready to leave if they are disturbing others.

I think that’s fine. Purim is a child friendly holiday. Let the kids enjoy. Our shul has child-friendly readings and less child-friendly readings. I’m not saying that all children should be banned.

But there also has to be parental responsibility. A child who is biting, kicking and screaming needs to be removed from shul. (The child would need to be removed from any public place. There comes a point in any tantrum when it becomes too much to subject others to. This seems to be it.) And allowing the screaming, kicking biting child to run around the shul, knowing that s/he is making trouble, but at least not in front of her, is not an acceptable solution. Nor is allowing her other children to try to deal with what she, as an adult, could not cope with.

I understand that OP had a bad day. I’m sorry, and hope things are now better. But in the future, she should try not to turn her bad day with an unruly toddler into everyone else’s bad day.