2 yo uses milk bottles for comfort - NEED HELP!!!

amother

Yellow

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 11:36 am

My son just turned 2. He usually drinks 4 4-oz bottles of milk** a day. One is before naptime, and one is part of the bedtime routine (we brush our teeth after). (Note: He used to only drink these 2 bottles. The other two started about 3 months ago.)

The other two can be anytime during the day, but usually one in the morning and one in the afternoon. However, he calls out for them rather randomly, like when he gets frustrated that a toy isn't working, or when I'm taking care of his baby brother, because he needs attention.

Problem is, when he asks for the milk, there is almost nothing else I can do to calm him down. Sometimes I can distract him with something else, but often - it's milk in a bottle or full-blown tantrum that can literally last one hour.

I haven't gotten rid of the bottles for a few reasons:
- his baby brother (7 mos) drinks from a bottle. He gets jealous. How can I get rid of the bottles while his brother is still using them?
- He has a very poor diet and at least this way, I know he gets his calcium.
- ** Related to above: He gets constipated due to his poor diet. He used to drink prune juice in a cup in the morning, but a few months ago he stopped. I started putting prune juice into his bottles, so it's an ounce of prune juice per 4 oz of milk. If he stops drinking milk, he won't get the prune juice either, and the prune juice has B"H helped tremendously.
- It's part of his naptime and nighttime routine, and it really makes the routines go smoothly. I don't want him to give up his nap yet. I always assumed when he stops napping, he'll stop drinking that bottle of milk, so it wasn't a big deal to me when he was only drinking the two bottles before sleeping.

The bottles and milk don't bother me as much as his tantrums do. If I don't give him the milk, he goes crazy.

He drinks some water at meals, but not enough. Sometimes I put water into the bottles so he'll get more water.

Any advice?
It's getting crazy.

amother

Dodgerblue

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 5:36 pm

You can try to take him to the store to buy 'big boy cups' - let him pick out sippy cups or straw cups. This may or may not work. . .

As far as the bottles themselves, try increasing the amount of water in the bottles by a bit slowly and gradually (so he doesn't notice) until he is drinking nothing but water (it could take several weeks to do this). But this will eventually reduce dependence on them (or if it doesn't, it's just water), and the extra water will help his constipation and his appetite in general.

You could also tell him that he has to use a straw cup for around the house, and can use the bottle only in bed for naps and night (I know, it's the worst time for bottles, but it might make sense temporarily for your and his state of mind). As he gets older, you can reduce this as well.

I might also recommend finding some kind of prize for not using the bottle (NOT a food prize). Give him a chart, and every time he goes for a period of time (a day or half a day) with no bottle (or no bottle except for naps and nights, or whatever you decide), he gets a sticker on the chart, and can get prizes for getting x number of stickers (make it just 1 needed for a prize in the beginning, then 2, then 3, etc). Again, this may or may not work.

Try feeding him more frequent (healthy) snacks if possible - if he's feeling more full more of the time, he may be less tantrum prone, as well as not need as much milk. Try giving a combination or alternating fruit (it's sweet so may kids are open to it and it will help with constipation), cheese or cottage cheese (protein and milk fat! and helps feel full), and crackers (carbs. whole grain crackers also have fiber which can help constipation and feeling full). And fi he wants the same thing for each snack, no harm in giving him an extra few servings of whatever it is a day. At age 2, my dd never went more than 1.5 hours without eating something, even if just a few pieces of fruit or a slice of cheese or 1-2 crackers. Some kids do much better with more frequent smaller meals and/or more snacks, rather than 3 big meals and/or minimal snacks - they have tiny tummies at this age and sometimes can oly eat a few bites at a time. I let her choose whatever she wanted for snacks, to make sure she ate something. It usually balanced itself out over the course of the week.

As far as distractions, have you tried music or story tapes? These worked with my daughter over games, toys, attention, etc. May not work for every kid.

A combination of the above tactics would probably work best.

Lastly, remember that there is unfortunately no way to do this without tantrums. You will have to decide at some point that some tantrums will be involved and make a plan for dealing with it (ignoring it in a tantrum safe space), because he's 2 and your the mom and you need to run the house and not him. Obviously, you want to keep tantrums to a minimum, but some may be inevitable. Try as many alternatives and as much positive reinforcement as possible, but some tantrums will happen.

bubble gum

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 8:51 pm

amother wrote:

The constipation and poor diet are probably both direct results of the milk!

Yes, I agree with this 100%. I think you need to just get through a few days of tantrums and then you will see everything fall into place. He’ll eat better and be less constipated. I’m speaking from experience. Its not easy but you just have to decide to jump into it- similar to how you would view toilet training. A few days of stress, but with a goal in mind.

It is hard to take away bottles when there’s a baby around. But your baby is going to have a bottle for a long time still so just deal with it now.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 9:59 pm

bubble gum wrote:

OP here...
This is my biggest concern. Should I do this now, or when baby turns 1 should I take away both of their bottles? It's 4.5 months from now IY"H.

Or....should I wait for Pesach? We are traveling... should I just tell him his bottles didn't come with us? (Or would it be too stressful? I was thinking his bottles would help him sleep there better.)

amother

Copper

Sun, Mar 04 2018, 11:48 pm

My oldest child gave up both her bottle and her pacifier at 12 months. She was 18 months when she became a older sister and she started taking the baby's pacifier. We thought she wouldn't use it because she outgrew it but she used it for another year and then gave it up on her own. AT 2 years they still need a comfort item. A Blanket , pacifier, teddybear, bottles.All my kids had something and I didn't take it away because they usually gave it up or slowed down at 3-3.5 I have heard of toddlers curling there ponytail and sucking thumb, needing to be picked up. AS long as it doesn't take up a large part of your life I as agree with the other poster let him grow up a little. By the time he gives up his nap, toilet trained and gone to school he should be needing it less and willing to give it up

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 6:15 am

I posted a similar problem a while ago and also got 'screamed' at that it was my fault for enabling it and how bad it is for teeth etc. It made me feel very bad. So I wanted to tell u that it's not ur fault, sometimes we have to do what's easier for us at the time even if we have to deal with the consequences later.
We tried stopping cold turkey and it did not work at all. He screamed and screamed for hours, very stubborn.
Ultimately what worked for us was talking about it a lot and hyping it up that when he turns 3 and gets a haircut, kippa and tzitzis (he was already toilet trained but still wore a diaper at night for obvious reasons) he will be a big boy and big boys don't drink bottles. I couldn't believe it after all the difficulties of trying before but at his party we took a bag with all of his bottles to the dumpster outside and he threw them all out. Afterwards he never even asked for it, even if he woke up in the middle of the night and wanted one he wouldn't ask. I would just calm him down and he went back to sleep.
So my suggestion for u is maybe u can think of a different milestone that can be the goal of big boy. Maybe big boys who get to stay up for the seder... talk about it all the time, hype it up how he's gonna be such a big boy and big boys don't have bottles...
I wish u much luck and know that its not ur fault.

amother

Yellow

Mon, Mar 05 2018, 10:17 am

amother wrote:

Thank you!!! I also felt "screamed at" by some posts above.