chores | Imamother

carrot

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 2:15 pm

I agree about the boys doing chores. If they are more busy than their sisters then maybe they can do less but in many homes I've seen, the boys are LESS busy, with less homework, fewer school activities, etc. It makes me sick when I see a house where the boys lounge around waiting for the meal to "be ready" while the girls work in the kitchen. At the very least, doing chores yourself teaches you to appreciate when someone else does it for you.

Blossom

Wed, Nov 29 2006, 9:32 pm

Quote:

I grew up in a home where, it did not matter if you were a boy or girl, you helped, with anything that ema asked you to help with, weather it was laundry or clearing the table or if it was washing the dishes or mowing the lawn

It's just that I don't think I'd like the way my brothers would fold my laundry. I needed it done my way Very Happy

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But totally agree. They can put their strong hands and good heads to use for many chores around the house. And it definitely makes sets them up to be more helpful and appreciative husbands.
As crayon mentioned

Quote:

At the very least, doing chores yourself teaches you to appreciate when someone else does it for you.

Totally agree Yes

Motek

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 10:46 am

Quote:

mumoo wrote:
Shimmysmom wrote:
for those who don't have "mixed" shabbos tables - do you never have company over?

my dh and I sit at opposite ends of the table, our ds's nearer to him and dd's near me (and the kitchen!) we have company sit between, men closer to his side. the couple can sit next to each other.

shabbatiscoming wrote:

can I just ask a question, TOTALLY OFF TOPIC here: why can the sons not help as well? why do the daughters always have to sit near the kitchen? how I grew up, as we grew older, no matter boy or girl, we had to help and that way all kids were "trained" to help in matters domestic with food and the table (sorry, this really bothers me when daughters are THE ones that help off th table and not the sons as well (what are we trying to say with that?)

shopaholic

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 10:54 am

When my sisters & I were teenagers, my parents stopped inviting bochurim. I don't invite single guys & girls to the same meal. It's just not appropriate.

My eldest is a boy & I'm planning to train him to help. Actually my kids always help put out the salads before the meal, so that's a start.

Motek

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 10:54 am

chocolate moose wrote:

Our kiddush in shul has several speakers plus lechaim and song. We can't sit mixed for that!

To answer the last poster, yes, my son helps quite a bit at home! He has to - everyone has to!

Crayon210 wrote:

Maybe her sons are younger than her daughters? Maybe her sons set or clear the table, and her daughters serve?

Why does it bother you when other people's daughters serve and the sons don't? I don't really care (or notice) one way or another. Rolling Eyes

JMto2

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 10:55 am

Well my sister who has 6 boys and one girl gives her sons weekly chores and they have to help around her house in my mothers house the boys also had chores. It depends how people want to bring up there household. I believe that boys also need responsibility. But the girls truthfully can handle more.

HindaRochel

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 11:31 am

Again, to me, it is a YMMV. It all depends on it all depends; not only on the age of the children, but what else they are involved in and what else they need to do for their lives. Health, school responsibilities, physical capablilities, and even just whether or not the kids more spacy or more organized.

I think it shouldn't be a gender issue at all, or even wanting to make everyone do an equal amount of work. Each family needs to make their own decisions.

What I hate to see are families where one child or only the girls are working and the boys think it their right to lounge around and have things done for them. I don't think that is really the norm however.

Ribbie Danzinger

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 12:02 pm

My sons help with chores. I give each child chores that they can handle, without making it too much of a gender issue. My eldest daughter likes to cook and tidy-up but she doesn't like dirty dishes or too much baby-sitting. My younger daughter likes looking after babies but balks at tidying-up. One son loves to cook, another is just a helpful child by nature.

Jobs which are generally disliked I try to divide evenly between all those capable of doing them.

When helping gets slack I start a points list where each job gets a certain amount of points, the less desirable/more difficult jobs get more points. At the end of the week each child gets extra pocket money according to the amount of points they have accumulated (token amounts). It really gets them going! Then, once the mivtzah (campaign) is over, they continue doing the chores even without the points (for a while) until I feel that it's time for another mivtzah. I usually start the mivtzaim before Chanuka and Pesach, and during the summer.

Basically, I just sit at the computer all day and leave it all to the kids... Wink

mumoo

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 12:15 pm

Ribbie Danzinger wrote:

Then, once the mivtzah (campaign) is over, they continue doing the chores even without the points (for a while)

Basically, I just sit at the computer all day and leave it all to the kids... Wink

thanks, ribbie-I was always afraid to start with the points, charts, that would be more work for me and let's face it, I wasn't prepared to keep it going forever- this idea of doing it seasonally-or when I really need it is great!

Thanks for sitting at the computer all day, enjoy your bon-bons and manicure

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Nov 30 2006, 1:01 pm

momof3 wrote:

When my sisters & I were teenagers, my parents stopped inviting bochurim. I don't invite single guys & girls to the same meal. It's just not appropriate.

different strokes for different folks???? I want guys and girls over at the same time so that many if one likes the other, they will have an easy setting to get to know the other and what better place than at a shabbat table. I have a friend who met her husband at a shabbat meal that they both happen to be at:)

Tamiri

Thu, Aug 30 2007, 12:51 pm

I have five boys, no girls. I would be insane to let their gender affect the way they help me in the house. There is no reason they can't clean up the bathroom after themselves to my exacting specifications. There is no reason that after I prepare the Shabbat meals, they should not set and serve, clear and do the dishes. There is no reason they cannot give the floor a swipe, hang laundry and help around the house. Granted, their level of perfection may not match that of a meticulous female but they do have to pull their weight around here. Mom is not a slave and Abba works hard to give them what they need. I pray it would not be different if we had girls around here. Each person needs to contribute to the well-being of the family!

Seraph

Thu, Aug 30 2007, 1:11 pm

I don't believe in giving the boys "off" merely because they're boys.
However, if boys do get up early to daven, go to minyan 3 times a day, and are learning a lot, and spending their time doing that, yes, I would let them have a lighter chore load.
I don't beleive in one gender sitting around while the other works, but if the boys are BUSY with something, yea, I would have girls do it.
But then, it depends on the situation.

And I want to teach all my sons (iy'h) to know how to cook- halevai my husband had learned how to cook. He only recently learned how to make noodles.
But I think we're gonna be ok with boys doing chores- my husband does more chores around the house than I do, sometimes... So they won't be learning from their father that housework is the "Woman's job".

amother

Sun, Sep 02 2007, 11:36 pm

Obviously men and women have different roles and we can't compare each little thing that we do for our families.

However, keeping a clean house, cooking and serving etc. is a full time job. Therefore, there is NO reason why a man shouldn't have to be involved in household chores. Having a functioning home requires a joint effort, everyone, no matter what gender has to contribute by helping take care of the home. Women are not slaves, sorry.

I hate going to people's homes on Shabbos where the wife serves, clears, holds the screaming baby, feeds the kids and the husband just sits there shmoozing and/or giving a dvar Torah.
Maybe that's extreme (even though I have seen it) but you get the idea (I hope)