Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Does this make sense or I'm way off base?



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Lime


 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 10:37 am
I feel my dh doesn't respect me. I don't even think it's me personally, I think it's him. He doesn't seem to respect anyone. He doesn't neccesarily show disprect to people, but his feelings is not respect. He has told me this in reference to other people. Not specifically respect, but he doesn't care about anyone. He is though very nice and friendly. Like I said, he doesn't show it whatsover. I know because people have told me what a wonderful guy he is. Truthfully he is. He's very cynical and that's where the feelings towards other people come in.

As you can see this is under teenagers because I'm asking something that has to do with them, not my shalom bayis, so please don't bring that up. I'm not asking for a solution either.

I'm with the kids more than my dh, but they're close to both of us pretty equally. They could and have spoken to both of us about anything. In some ways I'm stricter than dh and some ways he is. I've noticed lately that both me and my dh can say the same thing to one of the kids. We both say it pretty much the same way, but they'll listen to him sooner than they'll listen to me. I don't know how to explain it any better. My question is, can they listen to him better because I treat him respect, or at least I try to, because they see he's respected and since (in my eyes) he doesn't treat me with respect, so they don't need to respect me? Does that make sense or I'm way off base? I know you don't know all the details, but in that type of relationship, can that reason be a possibility?
Back to top

giselle




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 10:40 am
Makes sense
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 10:42 am
I don't know your family, and this is just a theory I have. When children are younger, they are more dependent on their mother. They are more attached, more emotionally in tune.

As they become teens, they need to "separate" from their mother emotionally, but they still need a parent. They see the father as the more independent one in the family, especially if he is out in the world, going to work, etc. They basically switch role modelsl for a while, as they work on developing their own maturity.

Trust me, when your kids get married and have their first baby IYH, they will be calling you every 5 mintues for advice! You will suddenly become the wisest person on the planet. Very Happy
Back to top

amother
Lime


 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 10:44 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
I don't know your family, and this is just a theory I have. When children are younger, they are more dependent on their mother. They are more attached, more emotionally in tune.

As they become teens, they need to "separate" from their mother emotionally, but they still need a parent. They see the father as the more independent one in the family, especially if he is out in the world, going to work, etc. They basically switch role modelsl for a while, as they work on developing their own maturity.

Trust me, when your kids get married and have their first baby IYH, they will be calling you every 5 mintues for advice! You will suddenly become the wisest person on the planet. Very Happy

I could see that happening. We do have older children, late teens and they're not like that, but they never were.
Back to top

ellacoe




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 05 2018, 7:13 pm
How does your husband treat you in front of the children? Many people who have the characteristics that you described your husband as having can erode the respect of the children for the other parent in very subtle, insidious ways that you might not even realize. It can be very small minimal things that an outsider wouldn't even notice. It isn't necessarily contradicting you in front of them. It can be more subtle, whether its giving them the impression that he is paying for everything therefore the he is the boss (once again not stated outright, but implied), or implying that all decisions are made through him, or other very very subtle innuendos. Also how he responds when you ask him to do something, or ask them to do something sets an unspoken example for them. The children pick up on this and react in kind. Try looking out and see if this is the case.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Chicken sliders - make them taste better!
by amother
5 Today at 12:52 pm View last post
How do people make money?
by amother
11 Today at 12:35 am View last post
Kids shabbos shoes affordable. Let's make a list!
by amother
63 Yesterday at 10:17 pm View last post
Any way to make a non lace look very natural?
by amother
10 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 7:46 pm View last post
Can we make a list of large kosher supermarkets?
by amother
41 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 10:54 pm View last post