s/o other visitors inappropriate at Shiva. how to handle

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

S/o other visitors inappropriate at Shiva. how to handle

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amother

Royalblue

Tue, Mar 06 2018, 7:45 pm

I've been at Shiva house a couple of times where I felt like other people were being really inappropriate.

Examples

1. Saying things like "why didn't you get such and such care?". And when the aveil answers it's not what they wanted, continuing to push the point

2. Coming into the room and not paying attention to the mood, and immediately talking and talking about things not to di with the mourning (such as how they couldn't get a parking spot etc).

I didn't know what to do, because really I'm not allowed to suggest a topic of conversation either. But I could see the aveilim were uncomfortable. We had just made coffee so I couldn't distract with that.

I did nothing. What should I have done?

Tue, Mar 06 2018, 7:52 pm

Exactly what you did. Some people just WON'T get it, regardless of how much you'll explain. Some just don't know. Some that don't know won't accept.

southernbubby

Tue, Mar 06 2018, 8:08 pm

The aveilim can have a family member who is not in aveilus signal for the avul to come into another room for a phone call and then tell the visitors that it is a rabbi from Israel or something that would necessitate them not entertaining their rude visitors.

It is good if an in-law or grandchild who is not directly in mourning be present to save mourners from those types of situations.

It is also good to have certain hours for visitors so that they all come at once and the rude ones are drowned out by the other ones.

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