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Hitting an 18 month old child is wrong
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amother
Brunette


 

Post Wed, Mar 07 2018, 10:48 am
I'm not against hitting, as when it's done the right way it can be a tool. Not the first one, but it can be used. But saying that you also have to know your child.

A child with sever sensitivity this will not work.

There are plenty of other way to get your message across with this type of child. I can tell you because I have such a child. Say one thing when I'm not in a good mood or in higher tone of voice and this child is defensive, has always been and will always be, it's the nature, yet if this happens to another one , they just brush it off and move on.

And most certainly not for an 18 month old.

When I was a new mother, I made that stupid mistake and realized after the potch that I have not succeeded.

A potch is not the smartest way to go about things, getting down on eye level with the child and sternly looking in the eyes and being clear and short and to the point works much better even if you have to repeat yourself.

Hey do we always do what has to be done right away? Don't we need to do teshuva once a year for our mistakes?

Patience gets you much farther and calmness works so much better. Saying clearly that your disappointed in the child can work wonders, if ythe child doesn't respond to simple stuff then my guess is they and you need professional help.

That's my personal experience and advice.

I have accomplished so much more that way even with a sever ADHD child. No amount of yelling and potching helps this child on the contrary I would lose him if I did.
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mommy201




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 07 2018, 11:15 am
What children need is connection and empathy from their parents. We are not perfect but we should strive to be something close to it. We all yell sometimes and some of us even potch. I believe if we did something and regretted it after, we should tell the child and apologize. Talking to a kid sternly or punishing them in a different way can be almost as harmful as potching or screaming. It needs to be accompanied by empathy and connection to the child, and then we can tell them what was done wrong and how to change for the future. This really works, since the child is not scared and they are more open to hear what was done wrong and ultimately learn from their mistakes and change.
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unexpected




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 07 2018, 11:21 am
oliveoil wrote:
I've never understood why hitting NOT out of anger is some big ideal. If anything, it seems a lot worse to me to make that decision and follow through when you are calm, collected and rational.

I agree with this completely. If my mother would have told me that she was hitting me for my own good I would not have believed her. This conversation is for the parent to make himself feel better by explaining to the child that the child forced him to hit.

Additionally, I have three thoughts on hitting
1) I have an 18 month old and BH I have never yet smacked her. I would not smack her for going into the street but nor would she have the opportunity because she is always watched outside. If I would smack her, it would be coming from extreme frustration and while it is (obviously!) not ideal I don’t think I would lose any sleep over it.
2) In large families, an occasional potch is a reality more often than not, simply because it is the fastest and easiest way to discipline and (if you don’t do it too often) it works. If my choice is large family with occasional yelling/hitting or small family with an Ima who never gets flustered I think I’m going with big family. I always felt, and still do, that the greatest gift you can give your kids is siblings. (Ftr, I don’t think I smacked any of my kids more than five times in their lives- I’m not talking about potching as the number one disciplinary choice here)
3) If I look back on my years of parenting, I don’t remember the various smacks I doled out. However, I do remember and regret specific negative comments that I made to my children. It is much easier to move on from a potch than from a biting comment that was designed to hurt.

So, no I don’t believe in hitting but I don’t think it’s a “yehareg ve’al ya’avor” either. Life happens. And if you do things you regret it doesn’t mean you need help. It just means you are human and you should try to do better. I don’t think I would have thought twice about the father hitting the baby. I definitely wouldn’t have said he has anger problems and she can’t stand up to him, based on a one-time incident I saw in their home. I hope that none of the guests I have in my home are judging my parenting skills and analyzing them on public threads anywhere...
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