Do you think it’s ok for married siblings to hug each other?

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 9:37 am

My father kisses me by simchas or when we are traveling away, I get very embarrassed when he does it in public,I think even when he do those kind of things in your family,you should never do it in public

I will appreciate if someone has a good idea how I can avoid my father with darac aretz doing it in public

marina

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 10:17 am

amother wrote:

My father kisses me by simchas or when we are traveling away, and I get very embarrassed when he does it in public,I think even when do those kind of things in tour family,you should never do it in public

I will appreciate if someone has a good idea how I can avoid my father with darac aretz doing it in public

Maybe think about how foolish you'll feel when he's no longer around to hug and kiss you in public...

dancingqueen

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 10:20 am

amother wrote:

My father kissed me up until and including my wedding day. After that, it sort of was unspoken that there's a different man now to give me that Smile

Um it’s not the same thing I hope??

dancingqueen

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 10:21 am

tichellady wrote:

To answer the question, I think it’s fine and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t. If you want to hold by the rambam on this, then do that, but that doesn’t make it mainstream

Thank you. As far as I know that’s the mainstream position in the MO world. The Rambam also says a woman should only leave the house once a month.

amother

Lavender

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 10:27 am

dancingqueen wrote:

Thank you. As far as I know that’s the mainstream position in the MO world. The Rambam also says a woman should only leave the house once a month.

The Rambam is one of the rishonim, who we definitely much take things from. However, there are many other opinions as well so everything is taken into account. Which is why we can't just open any sefer and pasken ourselves. We don't go according to the Rambam when other rishonim argue with him. Regarding hugging, there is much agreement.

I understand that you and many others hold otherwise, and that's fine. There are different paths to follow. But, I don't like the way it's being pushed as, 'it's just said in the Rambam and therefore doesn't mean anything'.

marina

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 10:33 am

simba wrote:

What is the connection between the 2?

I just don't understand that amother. She's ashamed of her dad hugging her? It's like saying, I'm so ashamed of my beautiful new BMW, plse help me.

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 10:36 am

marina wrote:

I just don't understand that amother. She's ashamed of her dad hugging her? It's like saying, I'm so ashamed of my beautiful new BMW, plse help me.

Sorry, I didn't said I am ashamed of my dad hugging me
I said I am ashamed of my dad kissing me in public

marina

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 10:40 am

amother wrote:

Sorry, I didn't said I am ashamed of my dad hugging me
I said I am ashamed of my dad kissing me in public

Is he kissing you on the lips? Is it a peck on the cheek? I'm having trouble understanding what you are ashamed of.

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 10:43 am

My family background is JPF/heimish. My brothers are more chassidish.

My father hugs and kisses me on the cheek - also in public - and also my daughters. My brothers do not. About two years ago my brothers visited (they live in Israel) and we hadn't seen each other for a long time. My older brother took my hand in his and shook it, he was so excited to see me.

simba

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 10:45 am

marina wrote:

Is he kissing you on the lips? Is it a peck on the cheek? I'm having trouble understanding what you are ashamed of.

Who cares? It makes her uncomfortable. Why does she have to excuse herself?

My father doesn't kiss me in public. He is not comfortable with it..should I tell him so many men wish they had a daughter to kiss and he should kiss me despite his discomfort?!

Doesn't amother deserve her personal preferences to be respected?

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 10:48 am

simba wrote:

Many Thanks for the right words

marina

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 10:54 am

simba wrote:

There are many things that make us uncomfortable until we get another perspective on them. A woman might whine about her obnoxious kids staying home from school yet again, until she hears the perspective of an infertile woman who would give her right arm for that problem.

Personal preferences are not the end all and be all. What if I wrote that my personal preference is that my 90-year old grandmother who smells weird keep five feet away from me at all times? Would you respect that personal preference or would you be like WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER.

marina

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 11:06 am

Chayalle wrote:

Marina, when it comes to hugs and kisses from the opposite gender, I give my daughters the message that no one has the right to touch them if it feels uncomfortable to them.

I prefer a more nuanced message for my children. Not everything is about their comfort. At the same time, some types of affection are inappropriate. They can learn to distinguish.

If amother's father is kissing her incestuously, I would understand her response.

cbsp

Thu, Mar 08 2018, 6:35 pm

amother fuchsia wrote:

For what it's worth, Rav Moishe Feinstein holds that directly up and down the genealogy line it's allowed. So father /daughter, mother /son, grandfather /granddaughter, etc.
When you go laterally it becomes problematic - brother /sister, cousins, aunt /nephew, etc.

So halachically your father's actions are permitted. You, however, are uncomfortable.

If it's truly only because of the public nature of the display of affection, then you need to weigh the value of your mitzvah of kibud av vs. your discomfort. Perhaps a conversation with your LOR can help define your obligations...

But if your uneasiness stems from any impropriety in the father /daughter relationship then please do not go along for the sake of kibud av. Again, a Rov would be a good resource in determining your halachic obligation...