Will do anything for tlc!

amother

Cyan

Fri, Mar 09 2018, 7:31 am

Ds will do anything for tlc! I have enough at home that he's always doing things for negative attention. But more of a problem is when he's in school or playing with neighbors. The other kids tell him to do trouble and them they laugh when he does it. They get a kick out of it. This is causing him to do silly stuff all the time and causing him to get into trouble. I'm trying to teach him how to behave and what's appropriate but somehow he'll always rather listen to the kids. I get so mad when the kids do that. He wouldn't think of doing some stuff himself. Why do kids enjoy doing this??? It's really annoying and frustrating.
Any ideas????

amother

Vermilion

Fri, Mar 09 2018, 10:23 am

Are you aware of any social skills deficits? Because this behavior is quite common among kids who do not make friends easily and naturally. They do this because they don't have friends and think it will make them friends. Or because they can't tell the difference between being laughed with and laughed at. They think the kids are laughing with them so maybe they are forming a friendship. They don't realize the kids are laughing at them and aren't interested in actual friendship. I'd get him some social skills coaching.

amother

Cyan

Fri, Mar 09 2018, 10:59 am

amother wrote:

Thx! Makes sense what your saying.
Know of anyone in Brooklyn that does social skills coaching? Does it help-can social skills really be taught?

amother

Maroon

Fri, Mar 09 2018, 11:00 am

OP please be kind to him. He is not trying to be naughty. He is lacking some skills that are making him behave this way, be they cognitive, social-emotional, impulse control etc. He only has one mother and you need to believe in him, and love him no matter what. And obviously get to the bottom of his deficits and address them as thoroughly as possible, from as many angles as possible. Without a hint of judgment.

amother

Vermilion

Fri, Mar 09 2018, 11:12 am

amother wrote:

Thx! Makes sense what your saying.
Know of anyone in Brooklyn that does social skills coaching? Does it help-can social skills really be taught?

Yes, social skills can be taught to those who don't have them, and the younger you start, the better. They will never come naturally if he doesn't naturally have them, but he can definitely learn to compensate.

I can't give you specific names in Brooklyn, but I know the agency that provides most of my autistic son's therapists does have a Brooklyn office. They're called Proud Moments. I don't know if they only work with autism or if they work with any type of social problem, but it can't hurt to call them and ask. At the very least they can probably give you names and other resources to look into.

amother

Cyan

Fri, Mar 09 2018, 11:14 am

amother wrote:

You're right. Just wish would be so easy!!
Also I know it needs to be taken care of but dunno how

amother

Cyan

Fri, Mar 09 2018, 11:15 am

amother wrote:

Great. Will try them. Thx so much!

amother

Vermilion

Fri, Mar 09 2018, 11:17 am

Proud Moments runs social groups on Sundays and they also run day camps in the summer, with small groups and a heavy focus on social skills. My insurance covers those. But I think you need a definitive diagnosis in order to get insurance coverage. It may still be worth seeing if you can sign him up for any of their programs, they're very helpful. The camps are Jewish but the Sunday program is open to all.

amother

Magenta

Fri, Mar 09 2018, 12:36 pm

My sons the same way. Wana play date? Ur sons invited any time...!
Maybe we're doing it wrong idk but he isn't stressing us out much. When he tells us about trouble he's done we get a kick out of it and laugh. We're happy he's interacting. Then we just tell him it's not a good idea to make a teacher/rebbe upset. U could get punished. Etc We're very clear and chilled when having convos w him. Yesterday he put on shbs shoes cuz he couldnt find his wkdy. Later he asked me if it's bal tashchis to lose shoes. I said no since it's not in the garbage just misplaced. He said boys told him it is but I wasnt sure if it was a joke cuz they were smirking... We constantly explain life to him. He doesnt get stuff. I told him if a kid says st that makes no sense it's probably not true...kids like doing that... My other kids all "get" it. He doesn't. We love him to bits and focus on his goodness and let it shine. Our goal is to make him confident. It's his only shot at a normal life.

amother

Natural

Fri, Mar 09 2018, 12:54 pm

amother wrote:

Wow you are amazing. I wish I knew all this when my oldest daughter was younger she always acted out funny to get everyone attention in class and outside. Unfortunately schools kept suspending her for her behavior and I learned the hard way. She is 14 now and come around long way but became very sensitive. Now I only take her side and love her unconditionaly. All these big Rabbi’s and young uneducated teachers in big shot schools can go to hell for missed treating her.

I have other girls who are in LBY and school is amazing teachers are excellent and will laugh together with girls who act like that. Completely different approach for girls.