How irresponsible is it to stop working?

amother

Sienna

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 8:04 pm

What does your dh's income pay for?

I got a whole speech from a bank many years ago about being financially responsible for my own money. The women didn't care that DH was the only one working then. I had money under my name, its my responsibility to know what's happening with it.

Fast forward. I started working when my youngest was in school. My paycheck goes directly into my own bank account, DH has access to it.

I pay for my car and any work related expenses, like childcare when school is out. I pay for school lunch so my mornings are less crazy. The rest of the money is mine. I used to buy a new wig I desperately needed. I purchased a new oven, the old one needed 1 hour to preheat. All these things were extras and dh's salary was already stretched thin. I used it to hire a gardener when I had enough of hearing "next week".

Don't quit your job. Just take control of your money. Decide with DH how much will go into the family expense account and how much will go onto your personal account. I also don't have cleaning help. DH thinks it's a waste. The kids are big. No one helps, not even DH. Cleaning help isn't something I can afford on my own right now.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 9:18 pm

I'm heartbroken at seeing the true colors of frum woman today. I hope I don't know you in real life and there are truly gd fearing around. However now I see that when my dh wrongs me you are there for me and when I'm at wits end with my child you are there. But to give an objective opinion that tests your faith in gd too many of you have failed.
Good bye moms. Since so many of you are bordering on apikorsus I will stay away from here as I feel it is a questionable site to be on. May we see the redemption soon and the clarity it brings

Mommyg8

Thu, Mar 29 2018, 10:05 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

Why would I be a fool? There's so many other things I could do with my money, since Hashem will find a way to give to these folks anyway. In fact, I'll make sure my rabbi knows not to solicit funds anymore. Hashem will get these folks money. No worries.

Thats right, Hashem will find a way to get them what they need, even if you dont contribute. You will lose the zchus, thats all. Do you know why Hashem created the concept of poor people? The ONLY reason is to create zechusim for the people who do give money....

And dont forget, מגלגלים זכות על ידי זכאי....

amother

Teal

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 5:51 am

I read through post quickly so hope I got picture right. I was in a similar situation. I was slogging every day part time job plus looking after house full of little kids. I wasn't coping with household and called dh a lot home to help. Dh was working, but not hard enough and he loves nice luxury things and kept buying here and there new stuff. I used to take all the responsibilities on me and think I need to keep working hard to fill up so we don't borrow from anyone. I was resentful and each time I came home and saw dh home and not working I blew it. He was helping me at home cos I couldn't cope with household and work and I tried to work hard and bring in income. I then realised our relationship is a little enmeshed I was codependant trying to save him from loosing money.
I made a decision to leave work so the burden of making money should fall on him and he should feel it and I should be solely running household like a mentsch. Things have improved loads. We're still tight in money but he feels it! and works harder and he could no longer keep relying on my income. I run a normal house and I stopped calling him home for help. I started an online business that brings in some profit but at least I'm calmer and I'm acting like a woman and not playing both rols and same with dH he feels more like a man. Hope I explained the situation clear enough asmy english is not the best.

momnaturally

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 10:41 am

amother wrote:

Be Dan lechaf zechus. Unfortunately many people never learned what emuna and bitachon is. Unfortunately it is not really explained well in many schools. I think many teachers don't really understand it themselves. So what happens is that many logical people have logical real questions but don't get correct and detailed answers explaining how hishtadlus works how hishtadlus and working and budgeting is not a contradiction to bitachon.
I would just like to create awareness to all the posters here that have a hard time understanding bitachon that sometimes yes you can sit at home and money will come and sometimes it is an aveira to do that.
Chovos Halevovos really spells out everything very practically but since it is written quite cryptic it is very hard for many people to understand.
I had the privilege of learning tons on this topic in more recent years.
If anyone wants to start a spinoff thread with specific questions about bitachon in general or practical applications of bitachon and hishtadlus I would be happy to chime in with things I learned.

dancingqueen

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 11:39 am

amother wrote:

I don’t even get this, but ok, bye felicia!

WhatFor

Fri, Mar 30 2018, 11:47 am

dancingqueen wrote:

I don’t even get this, but ok, bye felicia!

Every time someone feels the need to make a grandiose exit coupled with insults directed at the women of this message board, the only thing that pops into my head is this song. (Which is coincidentally the same song that pops into my head every time someone is tweet-fired from the current WH admin.)