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Bothered by Neighbors kimcha d'pischA
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amother
Purple


 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 10:23 am
When I was younger we never had expensive meats or the like. When my parents were struggling financially we started receiving food that we never had even when my parents were doing well. It bothered me as a child that we had to struggle in order to receive luxurious foods.

I would have preferred to receive the same type of food that we were fine with before we stared having financial issues. It made me feel very bitter even though I was grateful. So I can understand the op. This coming from the receiving end.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 11:43 am
alis_al_kulana wrote:
No one was nasty to you op. You were very judgmental of your neighbor, and were called out on it.

People who don't agree with you are not being nasty. They are allowed to disagree.


You were rude to her, and instead of disagreeing amicably you called her names.
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squirrel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 11:56 am
Op has been contradicting herself through this thread. Threatening to leave the site and being rude to anyone who disagreed with her because she needed everyone to see her point. It doesnt take much to see that she is controlling and bitter. I highly doubt she will leave this site (under amother). Also calling out people under amother for calling her out under amother.
I bh have always had what I needed and I dont take that for granted but I fear if that ever were to change I hope to be given tzedaka with dignity.
It is the organizations job to research their donors and our job to research the organizations we donate to. There are some that I refuse to give to because I dont trust their motives but organization giving food to the needy or medical help I trust most of them. They do amazing words.
I have a neighbor that gets weekly food distributions and is currently at a hotel for pesach yet I never felt the need to judge her because its not my business. We really dont know what does on at others even though op insists she does I can assure you she doesnt.
I think its so nice that organizations go out of their way to give more than standard foods to make people feel human and have foods they normally wont have.
I am sure that its extremely degrading to receive food distributions but having what you need and complaining that those in need are getting is downright disgusting.
Chag kasher to you all!
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 12:12 pm
squirrel wrote:
Op has been contradicting herself through this thread. Threatening to leave the site and being rude to anyone who disagreed with her because she needed everyone to see her point. It doesnt take much to see that she is controlling and bitter. I highly doubt she will leave this site (under amother). Also calling out people under amother for calling her out under amother.
I bh have always had what I needed and I dont take that for granted but I fear if that ever were to change I hope to be given tzedaka with dignity.
It is the organizations job to research their donors and our job to research the organizations we donate to. There are some that I refuse to give to because I dont trust their motives but organization giving food to the needy or medical help I trust most of them. They do amazing words.
I have a neighbor that gets weekly food distributions and is currently at a hotel for pesach yet I never felt the need to judge her because its not my business. We really dont know what does on at others even though op insists she does I can assure you she doesnt.
I think its so nice that organizations go out of their way to give more than standard foods to make people feel human and have foods they normally wont have.
I am sure that its extremely degrading to receive food distributions but having what you need and complaining that those in need are getting is downright disgusting.
Chag kasher to you all!


There are two issues here.

One is that when I give an individual, I give over the top because there is a part of me that wants to bestow joy.

The second issue that people refuse to even consider is when the recipients are given too much by institutions and it alters the behavior of others. Why struggle when you can get better without? Many people live by this.

This is what OP is saying. She is not controlling or bitter. I am also not controlling or bitter or self hating or running over kids because they take too long to cross. The accusations and name calling originate in only one direction.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 1:35 pm
Squishy wrote:
You obviously care little about the truth and distort things as amother. You will be unable to back up your absurd statement. Please feel free to try do so.

Only another not very intelligent loser would believe your post.
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leah233




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 1:44 pm
flowerpower wrote:
You and the op are ONE track minded. Where does government help Connect to receiving packages? I know a good few people that get zero help yet got packages for Pesach. Many people that are getting medicaid or whatever else you mentioned didn't get packages....





Huh?

I didn't say anything about government programs in my post. In fact I only mentioned the issue of receiving help from others in a tangential way.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 2:00 pm
leah233 wrote:
Huh?

I didn't say anything about government programs in my post. In fact I only mentioned the issue of receiving help from others in a tangential way.


I'm sorry! I misread your post!
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 3:37 pm
squirrel wrote:
Op has been contradicting herself through this thread. Threatening to leave the site and being rude to anyone who disagreed with her because she needed everyone to see her point. It doesnt take much to see that she is controlling and bitter. I highly doubt she will leave this site (under amother). Also calling out people under amother for calling her out under amother.
I bh have always had what I needed and I dont take that for granted but I fear if that ever were to change I hope to be given tzedaka with dignity.
It is the organizations job to research their donors and our job to research the organizations we donate to. There are some that I refuse to give to because I dont trust their motives but organization giving food to the needy or medical help I trust most of them. They do amazing words.
I have a neighbor that gets weekly food distributions and is currently at a hotel for pesach yet I never felt the need to judge her because its not my business. We really dont know what does on at others even though op insists she does I can assure you she doesnt.
I think its so nice that organizations go out of their way to give more than standard foods to make people feel human and have foods they normally wont have.
I am sure that its extremely degrading to receive food distributions but having what you need and complaining that those in need are getting is downright disgusting.
Chag kasher to you all!


Spot on!!!
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tf




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 3:48 pm
I'm surprised that by posting, people expect to receive only confirmation of their own thoughts without accepting that there are other options also. Did OP really think she'll get responses of "oh, how sorry I feel for you, and neighbor is horrible for taking packages?" When she went into their house and is bad mouthing? Maybe she was doing good by going there, like to help in difficult situations, but that wasn't mentioned. This is a freedom of speech site, but honest people are considered mean for saying the truth by OP. So maybe this is too much for OP to handle, in which case she shouldn't log in at all? Logging in is at the risk of hearing critique as well as encouragement by everyone. There is no choosing responses unless she's able to slide them off as if she's wearing a shield on her heart.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 4:03 pm
tf wrote:
I'm surprised that by posting, people expect to receive only confirmation of their own thoughts without accepting that there are other options also. Did OP really think she'll get responses of "oh, how sorry I feel for you, and neighbor is horrible for taking packages?" When she went into their house and is bad mouthing? Maybe she was doing good by going there, like to help in difficult situations, but that wasn't mentioned. This is a freedom of speech site, but honest people are considered mean for saying the truth by OP. So maybe this is too much for OP to handle, in which case she shouldn't log in at all? Logging in is at the risk of hearing critique as well as encouragement by everyone. There is no choosing responses unless she's able to slide them off as if she's wearing a shield on her heart.



Feelings can't be wrong. She's feeling bothered. I feel bothered by things that rationally I know have nothing to do with me.

Like just today - a friend came over and told me she was expecting. I feel horrible. Why? because I am not. Of course she did nothing wrong - but I'm feeling how I'm feeling.

What would be wrong was if I said - 'how dare she become pregnant'....

Same with OP - she is sharing her feelings. She was not (at least initially) calling out her neighbor for being or doing 'wrong'.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 5:01 pm
amother wrote:

What would be wrong was if I said - 'how dare she become pregnant'....

Same with OP - she is sharing her feelings. She was not (at least initially) calling out her neighbor for being or doing 'wrong'.

This is how I read and understood the op. I didn't hear her criticizing the neighbor. I heard the pain of her own hard work etc.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 5:06 pm
The reason I make no secret about the tzedaka I receive is because keeping it secret makes me feel numb and dissociative. There is profound shame about being a recipient of tzedaka on the scale that I do, and if I allow myself the experience of the shame I feel I would almost die. By talking about it, selectively of course, and making light of it and sometimes making fun about it, I can survive this cycle of my life. If I had to keep it a secret from my neighbor I would feel disjointed. Being open about it frees me up inside, but I can see how being open can result in pain for the neighbor who's working so hard to provide for her family.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Fri, Mar 30 2018, 5:23 pm
amother wrote:
This is how I read and understood the op. I didn't hear her criticizing the neighbor. I heard the pain of her own hard work etc.


I hear you.

(I also can understand the other side that would say that people talk about their feelings because that is 'kosher' as feeling aren't wrong - but its just a cover for being judgmental and accusatory. I notice that a lot, people make "I statements" when really they are being totally judgey. Like "I can't understand how some could be on Ima when she should be doing seder prep".. rather than "what is wrong with you.. Pesach!!! That said - I'm all about Pshat, not Drash - I read things as written, and take people literally best I can).
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Purple2




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 02 2018, 12:20 am
Alis al kulana, you have been nasty to op the entire time. And you confirmed my thoughts that all recipients are getting defensive. You say you used to get, but don’t get now. If you receive tuition subsidies you are still a taker
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alis_al_kulana




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 02 2018, 12:26 am
camp wrote:
Alis al kulana, you have been nasty to op the entire time. And you confirmed my thoughts that all recipients are getting defensive. You say you used to get, but don’t get now. If you receive tuition subsidies you are still a taker

I have never been nasty. Disagreeing is permitted.

Lol I said as a child. .. a lot has changed!

I don't receive any subsidies bh. We bh subsidize others.
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