"Letting" your husband grow his beard

losingweight

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:16 am

DH has a beard. It was there since we met. Of course it got a bit longer. Kissing hasn't been an issue ever. His lips are clean!!! (Mustaches must be trimmed though)

Teomima

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 2:54 am

My issue is with the hair on the top of his head, not his beard (dh has a beard, short but not stubbly, I like it. He was clean shaven when we met but when he grew out his beard for the omer, shortly after we were engaged, I liked it and he's [mostly] kept it since). But dh also had a pony tail when we met and I HATED it. Fortunately he's mostly kept it cut nicely, which looks very handsome on him, but every now and then he refuses to cut his hair and wants to regrow it and I just don't get it. He looks so awful with long hair. It grosses me out. His hair is messy, he's got a big bald spot which is just emphasised by long hair, it gets sweaty and makes him look (forgive me) like one of those sketchy people you cross the street to keep your children away from. I know I'd hate it if he asked me to change something about my appearance for him, which fortunately he doesn't, but I can't help this, I'm just really turned off by his long hair.

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 5:29 am

DH has a short beard throughout the whole year (I think it's called a "scruff")
I find it to be attractive and masculine, more than clean shaven (I've seen pictures of him clean shaven from when he was 20...didn't look as attractive)
BUT during sefira his beard grows much fuller and is not attractive. It's like this big black bush took over his face and it also gets smelly, dirty, etc. after eating. Maybe seeing his beard is my way of mourning during sefira.

He does want to grow a long beard eventually...I told him maybe after we are 70 Smile

Iymnok

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 5:40 am

Dh looks cute clean shaven. But With a beard he looks his age. I shape it since I’m the one looking at it. As long as he keeps his neck have it looks good.

amother

Wine

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 5:58 am

amother wrote:

To all those people who let their dh’s grow beards-how in the world do you kiss him??? If not for that I wouldn’t care so much. But it is so annoying and itchy when we kiss

when it was never cut or shaven before it's softer and thinner hair

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 6:10 am

My husband has a beard always. Kissing is not an issue - I kiss his lips and I guess he keeps his mustache trimmed. He pays a lot of attention to keeping his beard clean and soft and neat. He looks a lot better with a beard then he did as a teenager.

It does make him look older but it works well for his job - he is a community rav.

Iymnok

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 6:11 am

When it’s really short, it’s scratchy. Longer it’s softer. Mustache needs to be trimmed well or log enough to comb to the sides. A beard always looks better if it’s combed at least daily.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 10:41 am

Shaving was never an option but I wouldn't want my husband controlling what I do with my body so I don't control what he does with his.

amother

Navy

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 11:11 am

amother wrote:

Shaving was never an option but I wouldn't want my husband controlling what I do with my body so I don't control what he does with his.

Control is a strong word. There is a differencertain between controlling another person and stressing your preferences. But I do get what you are saying.

marina

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 11:30 am

This thread is beyond my understanding. The most either person can legitimately say to the other is "hey you look really cute with/without ____." That's about as far as I would go in commenting on the other person's appearance.

simba

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:02 pm

marina wrote:

Why can't a spouse show a preference and ask for something? I know a bil of mine asked his wife to be more attentive to her facial hair because he was not a fan. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
My dh has a beard and that is fine with me but I can understand that someone who married someone without one would not be so thrilled with the idea.
If it is a stranger then I would agree it is inappropriate to state your preference on someone else's appearance.

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 12:58 pm

My husband shaves and I just can not imagine kissing with all the hair that a beard and moustache involve. I love his smooth face (with just enough stubble to be masculine but not prickly)

Eventually he will probably grow a beard. But he is pushing it off for as long as he can because he knows I'm not thrilled about the beard. And he was wondering about the kissing factor too lol!

Not just kissing, but kissing other parts of the body... Surely the hair touches the skin

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 1:03 pm

every sefira my husband always asks me if he could keep his beard and he always knows the answer which is NO! The thing is he's bald on top so it adds more hair to his face when he has a beard but I hate it. he looks much cuter without a beard and the kissing also is much better without it

miami85

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 1:07 pm

My husband didn't want to for a long time, but now that he has smicha he's ready to let it grow, and he's waiting for "my permission"--I'm not as opposed to it now, but he's not in a rabbinical field so I dont' think he needs it yet, and I'm enjoying his clean-shaven face for now.

amother

Salmon

Tue, Apr 17 2018, 1:08 pm

My husband has an extremely long beard. I happen to appreciate it.

I don't know where the "let" comes in. I guess every marriage works differently, but as for my own marriage, I have long ago given up the idea that DH wont do anything without me first allowing it.

Kiwi13

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 12:43 am

It's obviously not my decision but I did appreciate when he asked me after we got married if I would mind if he grew a beard (he was clean-shaven at our wedding, and while we dated). I was totally fine with it, I actually think he looks better with a beard. He has preferences about my hair, too, which he doesn't expect me to follow and he doesn't even request I change anything because of it (he always tells me it's totally my choice), but he likes my hair long and even though very long hair (and mine is also very thick) is aggravatingly annoying to fit into tichels, berets, sheitels, etc... I do still try to keep it long enough that he will like it. Hey, no one else is seeing my hair - the only one who gets to see it might as well like it! (Gotta get those compliments from somewhere, right?)

Ruchel

Wed, Apr 18 2018, 8:08 am

I met him sans beard.
It's not like telling a wife she suddenly has to shave (or not shave).
It would be different if I met him with a beard and accepted it.