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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Hearbroken and terrified by meeting with psych today, need c
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Wed, Apr 18 2018, 10:59 am
amother wrote:
If she were describing a violent dh, who threw things in a rage but never actually injured anyone, and said she gets scared, we would support her. We wouldn't tell her that her fear has no logical basis.

Again. I don't know if calling the police is the best response. But let's stop telling her to disregard her own instincts.


Do you really not see the difference between a ten year old having a tantrum vs. a grown man acting the same way?

Making him feel like a delinquent definitely won't help to turn him into a well-behaved adult.

No one is saying her fear is illogical. Of course it has basis. But, maybe at the same time as getting tools to help her son, she and her family need to get help with how to deal with the fear. So that they can all live as normally as possible without having to resort to drastic measures unless absolutely necessary.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Wed, Apr 18 2018, 11:39 am
amother wrote:
Do you really not see the difference between a ten year old having a tantrum vs. a grown man acting the same way?

Making him feel like a delinquent definitely won't help to turn him into a well-behaved adult.

No one is saying her fear is illogical. Of course it has basis. But, maybe at the same time as getting tools to help her son, she and her family need to get help with how to deal with the fear. So that they can all live as normally as possible without having to resort to drastic measures unless absolutely necessary.


What your'e calling a tantrum, OP said she has been scared for her and her younger children's physical safety.

At the same time that you're saying her fear might have a basis, you're still assuming that it is misplaced. It might not be.

Want to add. Calling the police does not mean that he will be arrested. The police would most likely come and speak with OP and speak with ds and try to calm him.

If ds has no fear of any threat or consequence, the threat of calling the police might be enough to help him exercise self control.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Tue, May 29 2018, 4:57 pm
amother wrote:
10 yo DS has had issues for a while and I've been working with therapists etc for several years. A big concern (for me) was him "losing it" several times a year (once or twice a year the past 3 years or so, more before then).

By "losing it" , I mean throwing things and/or breaking things... it can be scary (especially since he's only getting older). He'd been doing reallllllly well the past 6 months or so but has been in a bad place for the past week or two. DH and I went to talk to the psychologist today and the session was really helpful and reassuring in the sense that I feel like he (the dr) understood what we were talking about and had a plan... (as opposed to previous therapists who thought it was all parenting or other external factors).

The part that left me heartbroken and terrified is when the dr said that we have to have very clear boundaries (of what he can do or not) and tell him that if he gets out of control again (ie throwing/breaking things) we will call the police (and obviously he-the dr-would like us follow through). I seriously cannot breathe. He's 10 and this happens once or twice a year but I know if I tell him I'm going to do that (call the police) I will have to and... how can I do that? To him as well as my other kids (who would likely be present)? And what does this (potentially needing to call the police on a 10 yo!) say about him and the severity of his issues?!!?

I am beyond... devastated and would love some chizzuk and support Crying

(I have no one to talk to irl, no one outside the immediate family is aware of the extent of his issues and for now I'd like to keep it that way)...

Hugs. The best thing I believe I do in such cases is spend ANOTHER few 100s of dollars and go on my own to another licensed person and present all details and ask a second opinion. You need to do this now , before his next "eruption" . I paid an extra huge amount for second opinion on meds and compliance issues from a meds Dr (psychiatric) and I paid for a licensed social worker when between me and my husband we had diferent opinions about visiting my son at his 3rd hospitalization.


My adult child was diagnosed with 2 monster DX around Purim. Financial dificulties. Keeping information away from the most people I can....so dificult. I will probably not be able to retire when people usually do. Besides dealing will all kinds of issues that the sickness causes. Took him to hospital 3 times against his wishes. Had to call police to escort to ambulance 2 of them. I almost dont hide anything from my other teenage kids. I am open about whats hapening but yes I hide from a lot of outside people.
Once a year explosion and several times a year walking on eggshells is worrying. don't be afraid of getting another opinion. But from a top provider.
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InnerMe




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 29 2018, 5:35 pm
Saw this thread bumped.. and wondering if you'd care to update OP.. How is your son doing?
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