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amother

Seafoam

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 9:57 pm

Ok, mommies of a boy and a girl a little over a year apart, what do you do when it comes to their Bar and Bas Mitzvahs being so close?!,? I still, even a few months afterwards, feel overwhelmed from the Bar Mitzvah. It was our first one, and it was so much work!!! My daughter is turning 12 soon, and I've been trying to plan her bas mitzvah, but after all the overwhelming bar mitzvah planning....it's tough to start planning again! Our girls" bas mitzvahs are low key, just family and close friends, not like a whole community event like the bar mitzvah. A friend suggested not having the bas mitzvah right away near her birthday, and relaxingly plan over the summer.

What do you all think? What have you done planning 2 in the same year?

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:11 pm

you've learned a lot from planning the first - so the second, on a smaller scale, shouldn't be as 'painful'. You know your daughter, how would she feel if you suggest to her that celebration be pushed off? Is there some other excuse you could give her (like maybe, there are a cluster of girls in your class who have a Bas Mitzvah coming up around yours, wouldn't it be nice to separate yours a bit), rather than 'I'm burnt out from your older brother'.

das

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:12 pm

I would not push off the bas mitzvah. What kind of message does that send her? You're celebrating the meaningful day she becomes a "bas mitzvah"--months later it's just a belated party.

das

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:13 pm

If you can afford it, hire someone to plan the party for you.

Kumphort

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:21 pm

I recently made a Bar Mitzvah and realized while you might spend hours contemplating which shade of blue napkins match your decor better no one appreciates all the details that go in
Make your daughter her BM she deserves. Focus on the big picture don’t get caught up I. Little details and let her have her time

I’m sure 12 YO you were panicking at having 2 kids close in age but you got through it. You can do this too!

amother

Green

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:22 pm

I was that girl. 16 months between me and my brother, so my bat mitzvah was 4 months after his bar mitzvah. I have to say, I had no desire for a big bar-mitzvah style event, but I felt the contrast between my event and his VERY strongly.

I strongly urge you not to push her party off, and to make it nice. really nice.

notshanarishona

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:24 pm

My parents made a party for my bas mitzvah and my brothers bar mitzvah together . Otherwise relatives would have ended up only coming for his. We just did the party for adults together but made a separate classmates party so would not have girls and boys their together.
Our birthdays are just under a month apart

shanie5

Thu, Apr 19 2018, 10:26 pm

Ds and dd are a year and a week apart. 3 weeks on the hebrew calendar. So 3 weeks after his bar mitzvah (which I self catered) I made dd's bas mitzvah. Smaller scale, but still a nice time.

I also made one dd's wedding, and the day after shabbos sheva brachos, made another bas mitzvah. It's doable.Just don't drive yourself crazy with the small details.

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