Is this rude or considerate?

amother

White

Fri, Apr 20 2018, 11:18 am

I have a regular sleepover shabbos guest who insists on bringing her own jug of water every week. She says she doesn't want to use up my water filter. She leaves it on the table and tells everyone to help themselves, and leaves whatever the jug in my house after shabbos.

I also put a pitcher of cold water on the table by each meal.

It really irritates me, and I've told her a few times that it's completely unnecessary, but she still does it.

My question is, Is this guest being rude or considerate?

Fox

Fri, Apr 20 2018, 11:36 am

Yup, definitely odd. But given the list of more annoying or disturbing things guests do, I'd probably inwardly roll my eyes and carry on. Oh, and enjoy the windfall of savings from getting a few more hours out of your water filter! Rolling Eyes

Ema of 5

Fri, Apr 20 2018, 11:37 am

I personally don’t like the water from He filter on my sink. I prefer to full pitcher with water from the fridge before shabbos. So I totally get why she prefers the water she does. I don’t think it’s something to be offended by. It’s not like she’s just coming for a meal, she’s there he whole shabbos. When I have company that comes he whole shabbos, they also often bring a drink or some food items that they prefer.

amother

Wine

Fri, Apr 20 2018, 12:00 pm

Maybe she prefers bottled water to tap water and she fills her jug with bottled water?

amother

White

Fri, Apr 20 2018, 12:10 pm

Thanks everyone. Fox your post made me actually LOL. I guess I need to work on my sense of humor.

amother

Orchid

Fri, Apr 20 2018, 5:09 pm

amother wrote:

I have a regular sleepover shabbos guest who insists on bringing her own jug of water every week. She says she doesn't want to use up my water filter.

That's really odd. I agree with the poster that this may be about using a water filter on shabbos. Is she really strict in other ways, asking you do things differently?

amother wrote:

She leaves it on the table and tells everyone to help themselves,

That's also odd, and feels passive-aggressive to me.

amother wrote:

and leaves whatever the jug in my house after shabbos.

This would bother me, and I would "remind" her to take her jug with her when she leaves.

amother

Saddlebrown

Fri, Apr 20 2018, 5:12 pm

Do you live in NY? I know people who only used filtered water in NY (because of whatever creatures they think may be in it). They also will not use the filter on shabbos because of borer (since they wouldn't drink the water without filtering). Anyway, my point is, maybe she doesn't want to be offensive and say she won't use a filter on shabbos when you obviously do? And she thinks others may fall in the same category? I dunno, just a guess.

cbg

Fri, Apr 20 2018, 5:18 pm

Maybe it's the taste.
I know that water at DDs house taste much better since she uses a reverse osmosis filter.

ra_mom

Fri, Apr 20 2018, 5:32 pm

amother wrote:

Maybe she prefers bottled water to tap water and she fills her jug with bottled water?

This. I don't like the taste of filtered tap water. I prefer certain brands of bottled water. She's just making sure she has what she needs and bringing enough so that everyone else can enjoy it too.

amother

Sapphire

Fri, Apr 20 2018, 7:06 pm

I have an extremely sensitive stomach and only drink bottled water. If I were a guest I might drink as little as possible of whatever they had, but if it were a place I went to regularly I'd just explain the reason and bring my own!

Miri7

Fri, Apr 20 2018, 7:59 pm

She has some weird water hangup and is trying to be polite about having her own water. As far as offering it to others, she’s being generous. I’d just chuckle about it and move on.

heidi

Sat, Apr 21 2018, 1:48 pm

I once had a guest who brought a sheet to spread on her chair at the table. I know she had her issues and I tried to be kind and understanding, but in the end of the day her weirdness won out and I stopped inviting her. OP you need to decide how much this bothers you. If it's too annoying stop inviting her. Yup, I am aware that no one is going to be writing a chessed book about me Rolling Eyes

FranticFrummie

Sat, Apr 21 2018, 1:49 pm

Some people have very strong opinions about flouride in city water. I know people who will only drink water from their own reverse osmosis filter. It makes sense to me.

Think of it as someone who needs to bring their own gluten free challah, and brings enough for anyone who wants to try it.

I think it's nice that she wants to socialize with you, but doesn't expect you to cater to her particular tastes. She's not hurting anybody, and not putting anyone out of their way to accommodate.

amother

Wine

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 12:25 am

Some posters are making it into a bigger deal than it is. Maybe it's health or taste preference or halachic because of the filter. Why can't we be dlz. OP, trying to understand, what about it irritates you and would it bother you less if she brought a smaller bottle only for her, is that a solution that you can ask her to do. although she may feel uncomfortable with bringing only for herself?

amother

White

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 12:46 am

Thank you so much ladies, your answers are all so validating. Many of you said she's not hurting anyone so just ignore, that's exactly why I posted. I keep telling myself the same, but yet, it's been annoying me.

FF funny you should mention, she also brings her own whole wheat challah rolls. Not because she can't eat white flour, she just prefers whole wheat.

I don't think it has anything to do with using a filter on shabbos because I've seen her on occasion use our filter.

Anyway I don't think I will mention it again. I think I just needed that validation, so thank you again ladies!