How can I help? | Imamother

amother

Gray

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 11:39 am

If she has the mortgage loan already she won't lose it if her dh loses the income he was making when they were approved, as long as they continue making the mortgage payments. She should be eligible for SNAP based on what she's telling you and if she's not, there's more money there then she's admitting to you.

SixOfWands

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 11:42 am

creditcards wrote:

Why is this so hard to understand?
He officially has a job. His boss didn't fire him yet. He goes into work a few times a week. His boss probably gave him the paperwork he needed.

Pay stubs? Bank statements to show that they have sufficient funds.

Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark.

No one qualifies for a million plus dollar mortgage, AND PAYS THAT MORTGAGE, while at the same time. regularly being unable to scrape together enough money to feed the kids. Same time. Not falling on hard times later.

Easy answer. Sell the house. Bank anything she makes. Rent something for half the price. Use the remaining $2000 a month for food and therapy.

Orchid

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 12:12 pm

creditcards wrote:

To me it makes perfectly sense. His boss is recording the paycheck he used to receive while working there as if he still gets it.

If he's not actually getting paid, the income will not show up on the bank statements. So even if boss sends a letter to the mortgage co. that "so and so earns a salary of $xyz" if the money is not actually deposited to mr. so and so, he will not qualify for the mortgage. This actually happened to us! DH working in a school chronically late in sending us our pay. Mortg co noted that deposits were not happening on a continuous, regular basis, and refused to count my DH's entire salary from this employer as part of our mortgage calculation.

So this whole piece makes no sense at all.

The food stamps piece also makes no sense. Because they look at actual income, not a contract between her DH and his employer that states what his income WOULD LOOK LIKE should he decide to go to work.

creditcards

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 12:13 pm

amother wrote:

She doesn't know that. OP needs to tell her that and help her apply for FS. She is probably too overwhelmed to even think about it and apply for FS.

thunderstorm

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 12:14 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

I would agree about selling the house but I would think her mortgage payment may be less than rent and utilities would cost her in Brooklyn for a family of 8.

creditcards

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 12:17 pm

Orchid wrote:

He must have given him checks to deposit for the period of time that the bank looked at his statements. His boss was working along with him to help him get a mortgage.

creditcards

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 12:24 pm

watergirl wrote:

If the situation is dire as you say, than her going to work full time IS being there for her kids. She may just have to send the baby to daycare and get a full time job. Sitting at home isnt helping the kids at all. If her husband is this chronically depressed, how is he addressing the issue? If there is literally no food on the table, how can she not go to work and think thats the right thing? What would her kids prefer? Full stomach, or a mother who is home? Basic needs come first.

She is working. Babysitting is a job like any other. How do you know what her earning potential is? Some people earn while babysitting more than what they would earn while working in an office or any other job.

ellacoe

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 12:29 pm

How OPs friend got the mortgage and the details are not really what she asked for help with.

What would be the best way to make this family self sufficient again?

Consider some of the options with her and then try and see what it would take to make them happen.

Would it be her becoming the primary breadwinner? Would getting the husband to make a move towards taking some responsibility be the most helpful in getting the family back on their feet again?

What steps can she take towards getting him the help that he needs? Are there family members or friends of his that could help? Would the prospect of loosing his job and family help? Would pointing out the difficulty that he his putting them under help?

Mommyg8

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 12:32 pm

creditcards wrote:

To me it makes perfectly sense. His boss is recording the paycheck he used to receive while working there as if he still gets it.

This still doesn't make any sense to me. If the boss is recording the checks, then where is the money going? You have yo filke with government agencies, etc, so how does this work exactly?

In any case, this is all besides the point. The guy needs to get yo therapy AND meds, he needs to be treated!

And I think selling the house would be stupid, IMHO, at least let them have a place to live!

creditcards

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 1:03 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

I would rather have them rent out a section of their house to supplement their income than selling their house and renting a smaller one and paying a huge amount of rent for a fraction of the house they are living in now.

watergirl

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 1:19 pm

creditcards wrote:

Why is this so hard to understand?
He officially has a job. His boss didn't fire him yet. He goes into work a few times a week. His boss probably gave him the paperwork he needed.

The way that you are responding to people in this thread is really off-putting.

creditcards

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 1:28 pm

watergirl wrote:

The way that you are responding to people in this thread is really off-putting.

The way posters can assume that "She is probably snowing you" "and not saying the full story" is off putting.
Basically taking a family that needs help and assuming they are just faking it and making up stuff. And recommending a good hearted poster that wants to help not to because it's enabling is even more off putting.
Why are people accusing this woman of making up stuff ? It's easy to say someone else's story doesn't make sense. That is off putting.

amother

Taupe

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 2:51 pm

I don't know the answer to this problem, but I want to mention two things:

1) Food stamps and Medicaid would help tremendously. Income verification is actual pay stubs.

2) My husband was unemployed and depressed. Perhaps naturally lazy too, but that wasn't the main issue. Ppl realized he was unemployed, but didn't realize he was depressed. You can look really jolly drinking a milkshake on your front lawn and still have anxiety and depression.
He refused to get help for a long time. From when we started withvpsychoatrist, took about 2 years till we found the proper prescription. He still won't go for therapy. Just the medicine.
ברוך ה׳ he started some part-time jobs this year. I can't believe we're at this point. ברוך ה׳ ברוך ה׳ ברוך ה׳!

May no one know the daily nightmare of having a husband who is unable to work. And the shame. And the burden.

Thank You, Hashem, for government services! (Food stamps, Medicaid, wic, reduced bills, etc.) My husband's mental health issues mean we will probably never be able to wean off of them. Unless Hashem makes a miracle, which He already did by getting my husband to admit that he had a problem and make him willing to get help. Halevai Vaiter!!!

And yes, I have a part-time job that covered our expenses.

amother

Crimson

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 9:54 pm

ellacoe wrote:

Thanks for putting things into prospective on this thread!

My friend is NOT making things up. I'm wondering why everyone is thinking that her mortgage is over 1.5. It's in the 600 range. And the cosigner was instrumental in getting them approved for the mortgage. The payments are 4k monthly. She has a tenant income of $1200.
For those that say she shall sell the house and get her husband help, simpler said than done. They need a roof over their heads and not bounce around from rental to rental.
It's complicated, and I guess the only way out of this mess is to get him to the psychiatrist! The question is how!

watergirl

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:02 pm

amother wrote:

I think we are all assuming she took a 30 year mortgage. Could be she took a 15 year and then its still 750k. But $4000 a month for 12 months, times 30 years is over a million. Assuming she put 20% down its still over 600k.

Mommyg8

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:09 pm

watergirl wrote:

$600,000 with a 30 year mortgage is around $3,000 a month, IF interest rates are low. It could be that because of a lower credit rating, her actual interest rate is higher, resulting in a higher mortgage. Probably the $4000 amount is including property taxes, insurance, and random other costs, which can easily add up, and quickly. It would be silly to sell the house now, as that would mean uprooting the family and paying a similar amount of rent in any case.

I agree, treating dh is the way to go.

watergirl

Sun, Apr 22 2018, 10:11 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

Ok I see the math that way. But for all intents and purposes, its over a million when you calculate $4000/month.

And I agree about her husband.

TwinsMommy

Mon, Apr 23 2018, 12:43 am

*shrug* here in Cleveland, we rent a large house for $1200 a month---- we only have 2 kids but we have friends with 7-8 kids in the same size home. One of my friends had 3 boys in one bedroom and 4 girls in another until just recently when she had her attic redone so now they have 4 bedrooms but the house is still the same size as ours--- we already could use our attic as a bedroom if we needed to.

Going from $4000 a month to $1200 a month (or less--- Cleveland is cheap but there are probably places you can fit 6 kids in a $1000 a month rental, even) makes total sense---- but at the same time, income needs to be coming in somehow. Reduce expenses plus increase income...... if he can't recover now, then she needs a full time income now whether she wants baby with a sitter or not.

If someone can AFFORD a $4000 a month mortgage, zai gezunt. But as soon as they start turning to others for medicaid or food stamps or whatever, it's time to downsize in a big way. It can be done while still keeping opposite relations children in separate bedrooms.

Seriously, can a family QUALIFY for any programs (medicaid, food stamps, etc) if they have a $4000 a month mortgage? I have no idea.

I pray their Rav can help them see that he needs help fast and she needs a full time income fast (and they need to get out of the land of $4000 a month mortgages if their income will not be at that level within the next couple of months).