Guests arriving in middle of night

Raisin

Sat, Apr 28 2018, 7:09 pm

animeme wrote:

To everyone saying they only host Friday night, do the guests move to a hotel for Motzai Shabbos if they need to leave Sunday morning due to the length of the drive or timing of a flight?

Also, for people who don't give keys for arrival, do you not give them to the guests once Shabbos starts and then have to stay up until they get in after their seudah Friday night?

I don't mind hosting people motzei shabbos, especially in the summer when shabbos is out really late and moving to a hotel is understandably awkward. Its very different. Usually they leave first thing sunday morning. Sometimes very early sunday and we give them instructions on how to unset the alarm. (and not wake us up...)

Not the same as losing 3 hours of sleep waiting up for your guest.

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Apr 29 2018, 12:31 am

amother wrote:

This post made me laugh and laugh.

Where I live, Los Angeles, the entire New York world seems to believe that our homes are their hotel rooms. Whenever there's a simcha, say for a shabbos bar mitzvah, I've had people stay from Wednesday through Monday. I usually say yes, but once in a while I've put my foot down (four bachurim who stay for a week for their friend's wedding, because boys always always always trash the place.). And you're upset they stay until Sunday morning?

I made myself anonymous, because I tell everyone, "Can you imagine if I called up a random New York person and said, "I heard you have a basement. You don't know me, but can I come with my fourteen children for a week?"" And yet, I get those calls WEEKLY.

As for the OP, 2:45am seems a bit difficult. Next time call the Baal Simcha and have him deal with it. We've had that situation, and we've stayed up late. The mitzvah was certainly that much bigger!

I hope it wasn't your guesthouse where I stayed last year in LA embarrassed

But for all those who may be wondering, the mitzva of hachnosas orchim is alive and well in many, many places. I often have the privilege of hosting my neighbor's family and friends and do it happily. It adds joy and dimension to our shabbos, the kids love it, and I love it as well.
We leave our door open till late at night, give out our combination, and have only had wonderful stories to date.
Some guest bring nice gifts, other nice words, and never ever have we had a bad experience B"H.
Honestly, I am more worried that my cleaning help will clear me out than my shabbos guests, but if they do G-d forbid, I hope that wouldn't change my feelings to this very special mitzvah.
I recommend all read the book Emunah with Love and Chicken Soup :-)
P.S. if you are ever in my neighborhood, feel free to stop by!!

heidi

Sun, Apr 29 2018, 2:17 am

amother wrote:

It's great you live in a community where everyone feels good about doing this. There are lots of places like that in Israel too (mainly small yeshuvim).
Personally I would be very uncomfortable with strangers in my house. I have a small guest room, and enough kids' rooms that I can vacate one more, but there is no separate entrance and I would not be comfortable with strangers walking around at night.
I host family all the time, and the kids' friends, but not strangers.
I guess though that if someone lived in a place like Detroit with no cheap accomodations for a group, maybe it would be an idea to have the party in NY or Lakewood, where all the guests live? Is there nowhere there?
If not, it's a great idea for a business venture. Lots of places like that in Israel, that specialize in Shabbat chatan etc.

I live on a small yishuv and host tons of people for simchas. I have a guestroom with a bathroom in my basement. I find all my guests polite, unobtrusive and ridiculously grateful. Most won't even take a cup of coffee in the morning, preferring to get from the baalei simcha than to incovenience me. We have met interesting people and to me it's such an easy chessed.
I consider from Friday - Sat. night /Sunday am (if they have a really early flight Sunday morning) a reasonable time. After that they can go to a hotel.

doodlesmom

Sun, Apr 29 2018, 9:22 am

There are many people with basements in New York hosting guest for weeks on end. My mom is one of them- she has a calendar just for her guest reservations. So no this is not exclusive to out of town.

There will always be that guest that will be rude etc. but most are nice and stay out of the way.
As for arriving at odd hours-very normal- most people traveling from afar end up arriving at weird times. They get the combination lock and need to take care of themselves.

amother

Coral

Sun, Apr 29 2018, 9:35 am

I’m so surprised by everyone saying it’s dangerous for their kids. My parents host guests of neighbors - usually for a Simcha - and sometimes random people who need a place to stay, almost every weekend. We never ever had an issue. In any way. They stay in the basement , and we all stay upstairs. If they need something all the kids help out , bring a drink, phone, pony holder, you name it. I think it’s beautiful that we all grew up with chesed on a constant basis. My parents have a large house and always say BH we have a house big enough to do chesed with... and so on. They truly believe they were given time and money and energy to do mitzvos and chesed. Im very proud of them.

amother

Black

Sun, Apr 29 2018, 10:22 am

amother wrote:

This is a wonderful attitude. In principal I agree, but I think the feeling of safety when hosting strangers very much depends on what accomodations you have for guests. A separate basement or guesthouse with its own bathroom is very different than having your kids share a bathroom and a hallway with people you don't know. I hope we will be in a position someday to do this mitzvah, but I will always put the safety of my family first.

Ema of 5

Sun, Apr 29 2018, 11:36 am

amother wrote:

Im quit new to having guests . We recently moved in to a bigger house where we have a guest room with a bathroom in that room . In the beginning we only hosted family but recently with the amount of simchas in our area b"h ppl started asking if they can use our guest room.
Last night a guest arrived at 2.45 am . We knew a few hours earlier that his flight is landing after midnight but had no number to call . Dh stayed up and dressed . I couldn't fall asleep cos I felt so bad for dh.
Then I had to get up for baby and at 7 for the other children .

I don't think we've ever done it to our hosts. Even when we travel to our parents we always try to arrive at a decent time

I guess this is just a vent (because I doubt ppl change their flights for this )
and making the mitzvah of hachnosas orchim more special .
Thanks for listening

I haven’t read through all the replies. We have a guest room that we often let others use, so we don’t always know the people staying with us. If the guests will be coming late, we leave the door unlocked and just ask that they lock it when they come in. If they will be awake before me, I will leave out coffee, sugar, cups, spoons, bowls, cereal, etc. the people we are hosting for are generally friends or people from the neighborhood, so if there is anything I need to tell them, I tell the local family and they tell the guests.

Ema of 5

Sun, Apr 29 2018, 12:15 pm

amother wrote:

You can come to our guest room any time! I don’t expect you to come Friday and leave motorists shabbos. None of the people in my neighborhood are like that either. Oh, and we live in NY.

We will IYH be making a bar mitzva in 2 years. My
Siblings and my husbands siblings all have average to large size families. I would hope that people in my neighborhood would offer to host any family that comes in from out of town. Driving family can come in Friday, but any family or friends who will be flying in are coming before Friday. I would never dream of asking them to stay in a hotel until Friday, and I can’t imagine anyone in my neighborhood would either. I’ve had people stay from Wednesday night or Thursday night through Sunday, and it’s never been a tircha.
If it is a tircha for you, which is totally understandable, please consider just not hosting, rather than making someone uncomfortable or think they are unwanted. We stayed somewhere once where it was very obvious that it was a strain for the host, and we will never go back there.

tichellady

Sun, Apr 29 2018, 1:01 pm

My parents are always hosting people. There has never been an issue. My mom is good with boundaries and would never allow someone to come in super late at night, unless perhaps if it was family, but not someone she didn’t know. I never felt frightened as a kid about the guests. They stayed downstairs and we didn’t share a bathroom and they were always friends of a friend, not some random strangers. We have met some very nice people, and in some cases, stayed with them when we visited their home towns.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Apr 29 2018, 1:58 pm

amother wrote:

I too live in Los Angeles.
I imagine you are talking about your backhouse, not your actual house.

When I make a simcha here, I am the one calling people that I know for their guesthouses. If its available, they gladly give it. I would not make my relatives call strangers here. Why are the NYers calling you? why arent the local bal simchas calling you?

Yes, and obviously people are not flying in for one night.

My parents live in Brooklyn, and when they makes a simcha, my mother is the one calling her neighbors to see if their basements are available. People should not be calling random strangers anywhere.