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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers
My toddler ran into the street!
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 02 2018, 12:03 pm
OP, what you need is a mother’s helper. Find a responsible 10-13 year old who can watch your daughter outside for an hour or so in the afternoon.
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imokay




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 02 2018, 12:14 pm
Yes, like others said, always supervise. I don't know the exact layout of your yard and stairwell, but to make it easier so you don't have to chase her up and down the stairs, which sounds exhausting and impossible, is it at all possible to put multiple gates (like retractable baby gates, so when not in use they are unobtrusive) so that there is an area that she is all gated in? Like, gate in your area and your steps, so she has a completely enclosed place to play?
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 02 2018, 12:19 pm
imokay wrote:
Yes, like others said, always supervise. I don't know the exact layout of your yard and stairwell, but to make it easier so you don't have to chase her up and down the stairs, which sounds exhausting and impossible, is it at all possible to put multiple gates (like retractable baby gates, so when not in use they are unobtrusive) so that there is an area that she is all gated in? Like, gate in your area and your steps, so she has a completely enclosed place to play?


But then stay in or next to the gated area at all times.
Enclosing an area helps you not have to chase but you still physically have to be there.
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Wed, May 02 2018, 12:31 pm
amother wrote:
My 2 year old learned how to open the gate in my backyard. Now I literally cannot leave him for a second alone outside. When he didn’t know how to open the gate I would only leave him for a minute or so. Like to run in the house for a bottle of water.
It’s frustrating but toddler age is the most dangerous age and they need the most supervision.


I haven't read the whole thread yet but we got a padlock (with code) for that reason. One and half year old was opening the gate.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 02 2018, 12:44 pm
amother wrote:
Once again, she wasn't alone, and the area is enclosed.
You wouldn't leave your child in the backyard with you being afew feet away, and a gate closing off the entire area? I can't see why not..

Reasons why not:

Toddlers are notorious for putting everything and anything in their mouths. You wouldnt be able to hear her choking (Chas V'Shalom).

You dont know who would find their way INTO your yard, as imasinger pointed out. Why would you leave your child up to chance?

We arent allowed to rely on nissim. Leaving your baby/toddler alone in a yard is relying on nissim to keep her safe.

It's summer - Bees fly around and I'm sure you would love to keep her sting free.

What you consider to be a few feet away is more than that, if you need to find some way to keep her enclosed in a yard. Where are you going? Why do you have this need?

If she wont be alone, as you stated, who will be with her?

And I hate to be cliche, but try this: take all of your kallah jewelry and all of the money in our bank account, in cash. Leave it in plain sight in your yard. Put a leash on it and enclose the fence. Walk away for 5 minutes so you cant see it at all. Would you do that?


Yes, this is a huge problem in the frum world. Its almost on par with the women who leave their babies in strollers outside of stores while shoe shopping or eating lunch.

Once when I was visiting a different city that has a heavily populated frum community, we were driving and I saw a frum child who was maybe 6-7 with 2 toddlers. The older child was holding the toddler on a bridge that we were driving over. She was letting the child's legs dangle over the low ledge. The water was maybe 2 feet deep. We stopped the car and I took the toddler from the child's arms and strapped her into her stroller and waiting there until a parent came. It was over 15 mins. I told the mother what happened and she made it seem like she didn't understand my english - she may not have. This was scary not only because the older child may have dropped the toddler over the bridge, but also because it was on a street that cars were driving on, and also because me, a grown up, was able to scoop up the child and there was nothing the 7 year old could have done to stop me. Now, I had good intentions, but what if I had ill intent?

Why parents leave their children alone like this is beyond me.
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 02 2018, 3:35 pm
eema of 3 wrote:
I get leaving a toddler alone for a few second once, but once a toddler has shown you that hey are adventurous, I don’t see how you can leave them even for a few seconds. Now that my little girl has shown me she is a runner, I won’t leave her alone except inside. Iyh she will not discover how to get out in her own for a while, and by then she will understand that it’s just not a safe thing to do. Until then, as her mom it is my job to keep a watchful eye, no matter how desperately I need a break. I will leave her if there is someone else responsible outside. If not, tough luck on me. That’s just part of being a parent.


I agree with you - I wouldn't leave the child alone outside. My point wasn't that you leave her "alone" for 5 seconds. More like taking your eyes off for 5 seconds while you reach just inside the back door to grabs something right there.

When my toddler escaped the house, she was inside with me, banging around her play kitchen while I cooked in my real kitchen. It was just around the corner from where I was, I could see her from most of my kitchen. Doors were all dead bolted. It got quiet, and I followed her right outside my front door as she headed over toward the neighbors. (She's extremely tall and has great motor skills. Most kids her age couldn't reach and open a deadbolt. She did.)
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Wed, May 02 2018, 5:39 pm
Is there a way you can put a tension baby gate by the steps.
I’m not saying to leave her alone outside for even a second, but sometimes kids are so fast you just can’t catch up to stop them
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Wed, May 02 2018, 6:56 pm
I haven't read through everything.

But I hear where OP is coming from. It is not necessarily negligence or not wanting to care for your child.

In my situation, I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old who LOVE playing outside. They would be thrilled to play outside all day, no exaggeration. They are always trying to open the door and go out by themselves.

Now it would be lovely to have NOTHING else to do all day but stay in the yard with them. But I have other kids who need cups of water, a snack, help with homework, lunch, dinner, laundry, etc. I need to use the restroom on occasion, believe it or not. The house does not clean itself either. I also have work responsibilities I need to take care of (and no laptop). Providing 100% constant supervision is tantamount to neglecting the rest of the family. Keeping the toddlers inside all day is a form of torture for them.

I am lucky to have a fully gated backyard and older kids who are happy to play outside, providing nominal supervision sufficient for me to check every few minutes.

OP is presumably also looking for the healthy balance that enables her to stay sane and her child to stay safe.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 02 2018, 7:22 pm
amother wrote:
I haven't read through everything.

But I hear where OP is coming from. It is not necessarily negligence or not wanting to care for your child.

In my situation, I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old who LOVE playing outside. They would be thrilled to play outside all day, no exaggeration. They are always trying to open the door and go out by themselves.

Now it would be lovely to have NOTHING else to do all day but stay in the yard with them. But I have other kids who need cups of water, a snack, help with homework, lunch, dinner, laundry, etc. I need to use the restroom on occasion, believe it or not. The house does not clean itself either. I also have work responsibilities I need to take care of (and no laptop). Providing 100% constant supervision is tantamount to neglecting the rest of the family. Keeping the toddlers inside all day is a form of torture for them.

I am lucky to have a fully gated backyard and older kids who are happy to play outside, providing nominal supervision sufficient for me to check every few minutes.

OP is presumably also looking for the healthy balance that enables her to stay sane and her child to stay safe.

If you can not keep an eye on your toddler, then said toddler should not be outside. If you have to go to the bathroom, either someone else watches toddler or toddler goes inside. Same for lunch, cleaning, other responsibilities. It would be very nice to stay outside all day, but it is not realistic. Therefore, if you can not make sure your child is safe, child shouldn’t be outside.
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mema613




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 02 2018, 10:54 pm
My kids are BH adults now but back then I either left them with a babysitter or took them with me in either a carriage or used a leash when I walked with them outside. Their safety was number one and I didn't care what people thought
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Wed, May 02 2018, 11:18 pm
[quote="mema613"]My kids are BH adults now but back then I either left them with a babysitter or took them with me in either a carriage or used a leash when I walked with them outside. Their safety was number one and I didn't care what people thought[/quote

But you never attached the "leash" to the porch and let them play unattended, which is what OP thought might be a good workaround.
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