Wwyd? Walking in to a house without 'permission'

amother

Jade

Thu, May 03 2018, 10:28 am

It really unnerves me. I have health aides in my home 24/7 & whenever they come, if the door isn't locked they just walk right in.
I usually keep the door locked, but when they go out to move their car or on break they leave the door unlocked & then just walk right in, as if they own the place.
(which even my husband and I, don't just walk in ever. we knock & then let ourselves in).

Am I crazy? I would think its rude to just walk in, ring the bell or knock & at least wait for me to yell come in or open the door...
What should I do???

SixOfWands

Thu, May 03 2018, 10:35 am

amother wrote:

Tell them it bothers you. How else would they know?

But it would never occur to me that if someone who is regularly in the home (ie, its their place of employment), and they left for a couple of minutes to move the car, or for a short break, they should knock again. Nor would I want a health aid to potentially have to wait several minutes to enter the home because I'm busy, or in the bathroom, or just don't hear them.

Nor have I ever heard of anyone knocking on their own door (other than college roommates who want to ensure that they're not interrupting someone in bed). And that does strike me as very very very odd.

amother

Apricot

Thu, May 03 2018, 10:36 am

Get a door lock that you can set up to lock automatically. They probably figure they are being considerate by not disturbing you. They don't know halacha. The door lock is easier than trying to educated them to your needs.

I got rid of my home health aid sooner than I should have because it is so intrusive. I sympathize with you.

Refuah shelimah

BayMom

Thu, May 03 2018, 11:21 am

SixOfWands wrote:

After the sin of Eitz Hadas it says that Hashem said"Adam Ayecu". Why did Hashem ask Adam where he is? Didn't Hashem know where Adam was? From here we learn that you do not walk into a house if there's someone inside without giving them notice that you are entering, I.e. knocking.

thunderstorm

Thu, May 03 2018, 11:31 am

BayMom wrote:

It is for this reason , we as Jews have a sensitivity to knock before entering a room as well that has a door closed. It would be difficult to impose that sensitivity onto non Jewish people

amother

Jade

Thu, May 03 2018, 11:33 am

SixOfWands wrote:

Yes, I have told them to please ring bell or knock. this is my home and I am allowed a modicum of privacy.
Why would it be an issue for her to have to wait a minute or so if I can't open the door that minute? in any case, as long as she 'announces' she is here & waits a few seconds to either be let in/ called in is different then just walking in.
Ftr, at the start of the shift they also just walk in if door is not locked (when my kids are playing in the hallway & I keep the door unlocked so they can come in as needed)

as for knocking on own door- this is our chinuch. to be mentchlich and give notification of entry. not just startle someone.

BayMom

Thu, May 03 2018, 11:34 am

[BayMom wrote:
After the sin of Eitz Hadas it says that Hashem said"Adam Ayecu". Why did Hashem ask Adam where he is? Didn't Hashem know where Adam was? From here we learn that you do not walk into a house if there's someone inside without giving them notice that you are entering, I.e. knocking.

Thunderstorm wrote:
It is for this reason , we as Jews have a sensitivity to knock before entering a room as well that has a door closed. It would be difficult to impose that sensitivity onto non Jewish people]

That was my response to SixofWands' comment on the oddity of knocking on one's own door.

Last edited by BayMom on Thu, May 03 2018, 11:39 am; edited 2 times in total

amother

Royalblue

Thu, May 03 2018, 11:37 am

thunderstorm wrote:

It is for this reason , we as Jews have a sensitivity to knock before entering a room as well that has a door closed. It would be difficult to impose that sensitivity onto non Jewish people

If OP said - please knock twice before entering - I think that's not too difficult. Its an easy habit to adopt. (though waiting for a 'come on in' - seems off to me, as again this is the place of employment, they should expect automatic entry).

amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, May 03 2018, 11:37 am

thunderstorm wrote:

It is for this reason , we as Jews have a sensitivity to knock before entering a room as well that has a door closed. It would be difficult to impose that sensitivity onto non Jewish people

I grew up in a non Jewish home and we were taught to always knock before entering a room with a closed door.

If you’re at someone’s house and you step out to get something from your car, you’d knock at the same time and that you re-entered, calling out something like “it’s just me coming back in”. But I tend not to knock when reentering now - I jus call out that it’s me as I don’t want to bother the host to answer the door again but I also don’t want them to be alarmed if they hear the door open.

heidi

Fri, May 04 2018, 2:10 am

I don't know if this is the same OP as the pre Pesach thread where she wanted the home health care aides to eat in the stairwell. Either way, you seem very angry. With really good reason I suppose-- having 24 hour health care aides means there is a very sick person in your house. You feel out of control and I understand that making them knock and wait to be let in would make you feel that you have a modicum of control in your life. But I'll say what I said on the other thread. Though you may be paying them(or the state is) the job they do is a chessed. And they're doing it for your family member. Please allow them a little dignity. A quick "hi, I'm back" as they open the door in the middle or even the beginning of their shift should be more than enough for you. Just tell them you startle easily and like to know who's in the house. It sounds like you unfortunately don't have much privacy anyway with the health workers there, so don't take your anger at the situation out on them.

amother

Ruby

Fri, May 04 2018, 2:28 am

If this makes you more comfortable it should be an easy behavior for them or anyone to adopt. You can even put up a nice sign on your door: please knock before entering thank you. Maybe you want to adjust your clothing or stop a phone call or private conversation or who knows what.
You have every right to a bit of privacy! And if it doesn't bother someone else so be it. If it helps you it should be an easy thing to implement. And anyway doesn't everyone talk about cultural sensitivity this is a part of it. And you are the employer/home owner you have every right to set the conditions. It can be mutually respectful.

amother

Apricot

Fri, May 04 2018, 7:37 am

heidi wrote:

The home health aid are not doing this for a chessed. They are doing this for parnosa. Often this is the only job they can get. They don't treat a home with the dignity and respect of a guest. They treat it as a public place.

I got rid of mine because they don't listen. I kept telling them not to wash my scars with a wash cloth because the doctor said not too, and it hurt. I got sick of fighting them. They also didn't put things back, so it was up to me to get someone to clean up after them. They also wanted things prepared for them. I was stressed from them.

I don't blame OP for being upset with the lack of privacy.