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I'm terrified!!
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amother
Brown


 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 3:25 pm
We are moving out of town this summer and I am terrified! We were in the neighborhood yesterday looking at schools for my daughter and on the way, we dropped off some boxes that my husband packed up to put in our friend's house (we are moving 2 blocks away from my husband's childhood best friend). I thought I could handle moving out of town until yesterday. As we were dropping off our stuff that was packed up, it felt as if a huge grey cloud was hovering over me, like I'm leaving part of me behind. I am moving for my husband and I agreed to move. We have been talking about moving for a while, but it felt too real yesterday and the reality was depressing. I have felt pretty sad all day over this. I'm terrified to move and the more reality sets in, the more terrified I become. Anyone ever felt like this when moving to a new town? Does it get easier to deal with? What did you do to cope with the change? I'm having a lot of trouble coping with this.
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 3:45 pm
I'm feeling the same way. I'm also moving this summer more for dh than for myself and I know that it should be alright, there is nothing specific I'm upset about, I'm just scared of the unknown I guess. Well, if we're moving to the same place, we can be friends Very Happy
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 3:50 pm
I moved this year for my husband so can relate. It was hard but there were also nice parts and overall it’s been a growing experience for us. Allow yourself to feel how you feel and don’t be afraid to get support ( therapy, reaching out to friends etc). Moving is very stressful, even when you really want the move, so take it easy and don’t feel guilty for feeling so overwhelmed. It is overwhelming!
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BH5745




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 4:00 pm
Friends of ours were all set to move to Eretz Yisroel for a year. They packed up their stuff, bought their tickets, made other arrangements... and then at the last minute my friend decided it didn't 'feel right,' and told her husband she can't do it. From my understanding, they lost several thousand dollars on tickets and etc. by changing their minds, but she felt her menuchas hanefesh was worth it. They ended up moving somewhere else, not Eretz Yisroel, and they're happy BH. Personally I love living in Eretz Yisroel, so it's hard for me to understand why they were so terrified to come here... but you know what- Hashem put different people here to live in different places, and we don't all have to want the same things.

I don't know the specifics of your situation, so I can only guess, and say what I think I would want to do in your place. If I was only terrified to move, I would speak to my Rebbetzin or a mashpia to figure out what's the deeper issue, and get some much needed clarity and guidance. If I really didn't want to move because it didn't 'feel right,' I would absolutely listen to that voice. I would ask my Rebbetzin or mashpia how to broach this subject with my husband, if I felt unsure of how to discuss it. Because if you truly don't feel right about moving, listen to your intuition! Who was the bigger prophet after all -Sara Imeinu or Avraham Avinu? We women have a special gift of intuition that men just don't.

If you purchased a home, you can always rent it out to someone else while you live where you want to live. And if you signed a rental contract, you can always speak with the landlord. If you gave up your current apartment or jobs already, you can always find new ones. True, if the move turns out to be not so good, there's always a way out. But if you really truly feel it's the wrong thing to do, it's probably easier to back out now while you're still where you are, rather than to leave, settle in and then come back.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 4:05 pm
When I was about 30 we moved for DH to take a very good position. It was a very small town and after I had left a challenging and fulfilling job, there was nothing for me to do there (well, not for more than $5 per hour).

After a few months of what in retrospect may have been PPD or maybe plain old situational depression, I enrolled in a nearby university. (We hadn't realized his salary would not go far and there was no money for babysitting until I became a student and got loans).

A few years later we moved back to "civilization" for the sake of the children (both chinuch and social opportunities were very hard for them to adjust to.)

As DH said, "I'm not married to the job. I'm married to you."

So, try it out with an open mind. You can always re-evaluate later.

(On the day we made the decision to move back, the university offered me a position as a graduate assistant. I don't think I had even applied to their graduate program. However, the die had been cast, as they say.)
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 4:08 pm
If any of you are moving to university heights, don’t worry everyone will make you feel welcomed and it’s a great community and place to live!
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 4:12 pm
BH5745 wrote:
Friends of ours were all set to move to Eretz Yisroel for a year. They packed up their stuff, bought their tickets, made other arrangements... and then at the last minute my friend decided it didn't 'feel right,' and told her husband she can't do it. From my understanding, they lost several thousand dollars on tickets and etc. by changing their minds, but she felt her menuchas hanefesh was worth it. They ended up moving somewhere else, not Eretz Yisroel, and they're happy BH. Personally I love living in Eretz Yisroel, so it's hard for me to understand why they were so terrified to come here... but you know what- Hashem put different people here to live in different places, and we don't all have to want the same things.

I don't know the specifics of your situation, so I can only guess, and say what I think I would want to do in your place. If I was only terrified to move, I would speak to my Rebbetzin or a mashpia to figure out what's the deeper issue, and get some much needed clarity and guidance. If I really didn't want to move because it didn't 'feel right,' I would absolutely listen to that voice. I would ask my Rebbetzin or mashpia how to broach this subject with my husband, if I felt unsure of how to discuss it. Because if you truly don't feel right about moving, listen to your intuition! Who was the bigger prophet after all -Sara Imeinu or Avraham Avinu? We women have a special gift of intuition that men just don't.

If you purchased a home, you can always rent it out to someone else while you live where you want to live. And if you signed a rental contract, you can always speak with the landlord. If you gave up your current apartment or jobs already, you can always find new ones. True, if the move turns out to be not so good, there's always a way out. But if you really truly feel it's the wrong thing to do, it's probably easier to back out now while you're still where you are, rather than to leave, settle in and then come back.


This advice might be good for some people but it’s terrible for me. I worry about everything. If I trusted my intuition and fears, I would never have married my husband or a million other decisions that I’m quite happy about.
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BH5745




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 4:36 pm
tichellady wrote:
This advice might be good for some people but it’s terrible for me. I worry about everything. If I trusted my intuition and fears, I would never have married my husband or a million other decisions that I’m quite happy about.


So if you don't trust yourself to make decisions, how do you decide? Does someone make decisions for you?
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 4:45 pm
BH5745 wrote:
So if you don't trust yourself to make decisions, how do you decide? Does someone make decisions for you?


This is true for a lot of us. I personally do trust myself to make decisions because I make them based on facts and logic and sometimes input from others. I might use my "intuition" to prompt a review of everything, but not give it much weight on its own.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 5:02 pm
Moving is scary for anyone
At least you have a friend who will welcome you into the community
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 5:02 pm
BH5745 wrote:
So if you don't trust yourself to make decisions, how do you decide? Does someone make decisions for you?


I do make decisions based on what makes the most sense and try to ignore my fears and anxiety.
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boysrus




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 9:43 pm
if you tell us what city you are moving to, maybe those of us living there already can connect with you online or on the phone, and help make your move easier. I know that if you are moving to my city I will surely reach out to you !
hatzlacha!
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Bsimcha




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 10:03 pm
I wanted to move really badly for a few years. I was the driving force , my husband was fine either way. As the move progressed, I panicked and wanted to pull out. BH, I went through with it as it's been great for us.
In general, I make a decision and stick with it, but moving is major, new schools, friends, neighbors, for the me, a new shul.
If it logically makes sense and you're generally been ok with the move, then tell yourself you'll get over this very normal panic.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Wed, May 16 2018, 11:04 pm
boysrus wrote:
if you tell us what city you are moving to, maybe those of us living there already can connect with you online or on the phone, and help make your move easier. I know that if you are moving to my city I will surely reach out to you !
hatzlacha!

We are moving to a very small community in New Jersey. I do not feel comfortable saying exactly where, but if you or anyone here live in a very small community in New Jersey, please let me know and I will pm you.
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Petra




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 17 2018, 1:49 am
Moving is not easy. It's considered as experiencing a "loss" because existing social ties and support is severed and new relationships need to be formed in the new location. It's daunting. But it is definitely do-able. In the end, you will grow. But you need to give yourself time to adjust to new location, new home, new shul, new grocery store, new roads, etc. Eventually it will feel like home to you but you have to allow yourself time to get comfortable.
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Blumy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 17 2018, 11:34 am
Don't be terrified. You're moving out of town and people are nice there. People are very welcoming and friendly. In the beginning it may be hard but it will get easier. Your kids will be much happier once they are settled and so will you. Hatzlacha!
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boysrus




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 17 2018, 11:44 am
amother wrote:
We are moving to a very small community in New Jersey. I do not feel comfortable saying exactly where, but if you or anyone here live in a very small community in New Jersey, please let me know and I will pm you.


no sorry Sad
I wish you hatzlacha. Stay calm, all will be good iYH!
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amother
Brown


 

Post Thu, May 17 2018, 12:05 pm
Blumy wrote:
Don't be terrified. You're moving out of town and people are nice there. People are very welcoming and friendly. In the beginning it may be hard but it will get easier. Your kids will be much happier once they are settled and so will you. Hatzlacha!

Op here: we have visited the community many times, including staying for a couple of shabboses. The people there really are incredibly friendly and hospitable. I think the main reason why I am so terrified is because of the change and the unknown. I'm afraid of switching my doctor's, who I love. They are all amazing. I'm afraid of switching to a new pediatrician, who I've been using for years. I also recently got my driver's license. The idea of having to get into a car to go anywhere also terrifies me. But I guess at the end of the day, anyone who moves away pretty much goes through these same things.
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Blumy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 17 2018, 12:23 pm
amother wrote:
Op here: we have visited the community many times, including staying for a couple of shabboses. The people there really are incredibly friendly and hospitable. I think the main reason why I am so terrified is because of the change and the unknown. I'm afraid of switching my doctor's, who I love. They are all amazing. I'm afraid of switching to a new pediatrician, who I've been using for years. I also recently got my driver's license. The idea of having to get into a car to go anywhere also terrifies me. But I guess at the end of the day, anyone who moves away pretty much goes through these same things.


I totally get you about the doctors and stuff. I always get nervous when I think about moving about these things. But you know what? in the out of town places u get much more personal attention and ur doctor really knows u. With the driving just put up waze and get rolling:)
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Thu, May 17 2018, 2:56 pm
you know rhe community is warm and caring so thats step one. you will be in a small community you say, so you will matter.
as for drs and driving etc. tell yourself you will tackle one challenge every few days. you dont need to meet the new drs on day one....or to drive on day 1....slowly slowly.
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