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Anyone with an INTJ husband?
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amother
Blush


 

Post Tue, May 22 2018, 1:21 pm
amother wrote:
blush- my dh said that he doesn't appreciate being considered as someone who sees the negative. Really he is someone who sees the potential, how it can be made better and gets frustrated when others don't seem to want to improve things. So others might say- you are always complaining that things don't start on time while he'll say but I see that something can never start before 10:00 so I'm just suggesting it be called for 10:10 so that way it'll be on time and won't waste other people's time. To him the suggestion is so apparent and easy. It's frustrating when the leaders just don't want to listen.


I think your dh and my dh are the same person!!!!

What about when the person getting up to daven doesn't know nusach or can't read Hebrew properly and they keep asking him to daven or he offers- and when dh spoke to the rav about possibility finding ways to avoid this the rabbi told him, at 120 when the he (the rabbi) is talking with hashem he would rather not have to answer to asking this person not to daven or embarrass him. um well, what about tircha d'tzibur and the other 100 men in shul?!?!

My solution is- to privately after Shabbos talk to the person and be honest and offer guidance if he wants to lead davening. maybe no one ever told him....... It seems so simple!!
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Tue, May 22 2018, 1:23 pm
Don't label. He's a person not a number or letter.
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amother
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Post Tue, May 22 2018, 1:28 pm
amother wrote:
His personality type combined with bad experiences with authority regarding Judaism has led him astray. He's delved into a lot of other and decided the logic makes sense to him. I know that deep down he can feel the truth. I've learned not to argue and just love him unconditionally. He's a good man.


Do you have kids- if so how do you handle that. I have a hard time when dh shares his cynicism in front of the kids, especially when it comes to those parsha hashuvah stories. I agree with him they are not teaching anything worthwhile and definitely nothing about being a mentsch. But the comments are counterintuitive and ruin the relationship and respect that ds and dd have their teahcers. DH feels their teachers need to earn the respect- yes be respectful, but they need to earn the walk on water status. I have told dh I don't want the kids reading their parsha packets if this is what he has to say and of course that causes arguing. not good!
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amother
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Post Tue, May 22 2018, 1:30 pm
amother wrote:
Don't label. He's a person not a number or letter.

I don't understand.....
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Tue, May 22 2018, 1:31 pm
Dh and I finally found a Rav who has ZERO negiyus when he paskens, and it’s amazing. All he cares about is the truth. No agenda, no bias, nothing. Rabbis like that really exist. He’s very yeshivish but always so balanced and humane.
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ruby slippers




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 22 2018, 1:34 pm
amother wrote:
If that was me, I'm very sorry to say that mostly these rabbonim are no longer alive.

There is one who was a talmid muvhak of R' Moshe Feinstein, although he is elderly and not in the best health so dh doesn't like to bother him. He respects him because of how he advised when I called this rav for advice.

Dh respects R' Shmuel Kaminetzky because of how he advised regarding a specific complex issue that dh's brother was dealing with.

Dh is actually trying to work with some guys to start a new shul and hire a new rav, so I'm hopeful and davening it should work out.


I have to ask- just because I am so curious and this sounds like the rav my husband used to speak with- does this rav live in Baltimore?
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amother
Azure


 

Post Tue, May 22 2018, 2:21 pm
eema1 wrote:
I have to ask- just because I am so curious and this sounds like the rav my husband used to speak with- does this rav live in Baltimore?


No, we're in NY but now that you mention it, there is a Rav in baltimore for whom I have the greatest respect, and incidentally was also a talmid of R' Moshe I believe.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Tue, May 22 2018, 2:25 pm
amother wrote:
Dh and I finally found a Rav who has ZERO negiyus when he paskens, and it’s amazing. All he cares about is the truth. No agenda, no bias, nothing. Rabbis like that really exist. He’s very yeshivish but always so balanced and humane.


This is what it is, but also, it must be a rav who understands the reality of some situations and not just the ideal of how we wish things would be.

A rav who might advise or pasken you to do the opposite of what you'd expect. For instance, in the situation I was involved in, the Rav told me there was no issue of mesirah and I *should* report a frum Jew to a particular government agency.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Tue, May 22 2018, 3:47 pm
my dh is the one who told me about this personality type and that he feels it describes him. I'm not the one labeling him Wink

Amethyst- where is this rabbi located? Is there anyway for other people to get a hold of him?

To the amother who was told her dh needs to work on himself. Shkoyach, my dh was given similar advice. A rabbi said that he would learn mussar with my dh, well the rabbi kept on being wow, what a novel concept and my dh was just like uhm yeah isn't that obvious lol!
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Tue, May 22 2018, 5:11 pm
amother wrote:
my dh is the one who told me about this personality type and that he feels it describes him. I'm not the one labeling him Wink

Amethyst- where is this rabbi located? Is there anyway for other people to get a hold of him?

To the amother who was told her dh needs to work on himself. Shkoyach, my dh was given similar advice. A rabbi said that he would learn mussar with my dh, well the rabbi kept on being wow, what a novel concept and my dh was just like uhm yeah isn't that obvious lol!
I don’t know if he’s one to discuss hashkafah with (though why not?), we use him to answer questions. Do you still want to know who it is?
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smile5




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 01 2018, 8:29 pm
Im a intp type 5, which is a similar personality and I had many similar struggles, and being a women I found it to be very hard because usually women follow stuff without digging too deep, and I was married to a isfp which is more common for a female and he got so annoyed of my questions. luckily I found someone online- rav dror hes very open minded yet frum he has many videos, which helped me alot and I contact him by email or text any question I have.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Mon, Jul 02 2018, 4:26 am
Is this the Rav Dror who is chassidish and doesn't look at women....?
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smile5




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 02 2018, 6:24 am
amother wrote:
Is this the Rav Dror who is chassidish and doesn't look at women....?


I only spoke to him by phone, never met him live so I don't know. But yes he is chasidish looking, but his clothes doesn't mean much especially once u get to know him personally
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amother
Orange


 

Post Mon, Jul 02 2018, 7:42 am
I don't care about dress, I meant more hashkafically- my dh uses the internet, works in the secular world...
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relish




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 02 2018, 9:45 am
I wonder if it would be helpful, for the people being described here, to learn how to listen to their inner voice, their gut.

I wonder if it would be helpful for them to learn their own value, and realize that they were blessed in ways that the rabbi's that they know, may have not been blessed.

I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Mon, Jul 02 2018, 10:05 am
Relish- my dh has a very ahem "healthy" self esteem but really it's healthy to have a mentor and it's hard to feel like the rabbis just don't "get you"
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smile5




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 02 2018, 10:54 am
This person is breslov but I'm not ssure what ur looking for. maybe he should check it out himself. Or find someone else I think there's plenty online that help and u just need to search to find the right one he likes.these ppl aren't necessarily huge rabbis like there was many year ago. But they help u find urself and listen to ur gut.once u have a lot of self awareness and listen to ur inner voice u get closer to hashem and yidishkeit. Relish has a good point. This person has changed so many ppls lives from all kinds of crowds he works with bnei noach to ultra orthodox . I find that bal tshuves that learn a lot have many answers to questions. Good luck😀
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