Is my son gay? | Imamother

amother

Chartreuse

Wed, May 23 2018, 3:27 am

amother wrote:

And btw, did anyone ever stop and realize that the LGBT community define their entire beings by their s*xuality? If anyone else did that, we'd called them perverts, sickos, etc.

To label oneself based upon their s*xual taavos means that s*x is the most important thing in their lives. How do so many people miss that simple fact???

No - they don't define their entire being by their s-xuality (and T isn't s-xuality) In the same way that the medical community doesn't define their entire being by their profession. Its one aspect of who they are... and its a community that has come together after years of being treated extremely poorly and marginalized.

but anyway - if you are going to start talking about s*xual taavos - this conversation isn't worth having. Not everyone needs to been judged through a religious lense (or at all).

melbee

Wed, May 23 2018, 2:28 pm

My now 7-year old used to wear princess dresses every time we went to a certain friend's house who only had girls. He was around 2-4 during this phase. He only has an older brother, but he just loved dressing up and he got a lot of attention for it. He still B'H has a very active imagination and is always coming up with something, but I haven't seen a dress in a very long time! I can't tell you how many people asked if we were "concerned". We weren't then and aren't now.

(He did pick a pink ring as a prize from his teacher last week so the appeal is still there. I like to be proud that he's comfortable choosing what he wants, even if the other kids might make fun of him for it.)

Enjoy your son, OP, and let him enjoy childhood Smile

Fox

Wed, May 23 2018, 3:02 pm

amother wrote:

Not that it relates to this thread, but a lot of people in various LGBT communities -- and it's not a single, monolithic community -- think it's a very worthwhile conversation. There have been tons of essays and articles in the past few years about what happens when people substitute their LGBT identities for more meaningful personal development. Many of the voices in these discussions increasingly reject the idea of a "community" based on what happens in their bedrooms.

It's obviously more complex, but the bottom line is that responding to politically incorrect ideas with outmoded stereotypes isn't exactly progress from anyone's perspective.

amother

Purple

Wed, May 23 2018, 3:04 pm

amother wrote:

No they don't.

As TR Knight said, “I guess there have been a few questions about my s-xuality, and I’d like to keep quiet any unnecessary rumors .... While I prefer to keep my personal life private, I hope the fact that I’m gay isn’t the most interesting part of me.”

People identify as part of the LGBTQ community as a form of belonging, and as a form of advocacy for acceptance and rights. But its only the smallest part of them.

Fox

Wed, May 23 2018, 4:16 pm

amother wrote:

People identify as part of the LGBTQ community as a form of belonging, and as a form of advocacy for acceptance and rights.

Except when they discover that LGBTQ communities are not necessarily accepting and that what began as civil rights advocacy has taken some odd turns.

More to the OP's concern, years ago, my mother used to pass along her Martha Stewart Living magazines, and my 8-year-old son and his best friend would pour over these magazines, presumably yearning for a more Martha Stewart-like life than his mother -- a good friend of mine -- and I were capable of managing.

One time, my son's friend asked to take home one of the magazines, and he presented his mother with a recipe "for Shabbos." Do I need to describe this recipe? It required about 750 ingredients, most of which were only available from Martha's farm, and a full commercial kitchen.

My friend called me late that night, laughing. She said, "Why can't you have some Playboy magazines or something like that lying around -- I don't want my son seeing that Martha Stewart stuff!"

We had a good laugh over the whole thing and retold the story in a group some time later. I guess one of the women thought we were concerned about our sons being/becoming gay as a result of Martha's influence. She sanctimoniously explained that homosexuality isn't caused by reading recipes or fantasizing about decorating ideas.

My friend, who was quicker-witted than I, looked the lady in the eye and said, "Well, that's a disappointment. Because no wife is going to make that recipe for him. His only hope was going to be to find a boyfriend who's a chef."

The humor-impaired lady never said another word, and for the record, both boys are married with one or more kids. Of course, that guarantees neither orientation nor good behavior, but true to predictions, neither wife is a Martha Stewart-type homemaker.

FranticFrummie

Wed, May 23 2018, 4:29 pm

OP, the question isn't "Is my son gay?" The question is "What if my son is gay?"

What would you do about it? Would you love him and accept him and daven that he have a happy, healthy, long life? Would you daven that he have a love of Torah and mitzvot?

Oh, you say you're already doing that? Great! So why would anything change?

princessleah

Wed, May 23 2018, 6:27 pm

Ravenclaw wrote:

When my mother-in-law commented on my son playing with dolls, I said, "Yes, we hope he will grow up to be a good father."

Seriously. Halevai that when a parent sees a boy playing with dolls they encourage their son's nurturing side and emotional intelligence, instead of running to replace with cars and trucks. I think we'd produce much better future husbands that way!

DVOM

Wed, May 23 2018, 8:44 pm

OP, I can get carried away by my imagination and anxieties, particularly when it comes to my kids, so I get your thought process and your question. While gayness in a person does not really bother me (perhaps it should? I'm in my mid-thirties. Other imas around my age, weigh in: I grew up with homosexually being far too commonplace to be shocking or horrifying. It just is) I would be very worried if I thought any of my kids had homosexual leanings. That would be a very difficult life path, and I don't wish it on anyone I love.

That having been said, I don't think you're son is gay. I have four boys. You'd think with no sisters to influence them, they would be super-masculine, but they're not. They've each gone through stages where they love to play with dolls, play dress up, play house. My boys have all asked for makeup and nail polish (I've happily given them both).