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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Ties on boys please explain
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 27 2018, 4:24 pm
OP, I was just discussing this with my DH and it turns out my DS was told something about not wearing a tie by a rebbe of his at his litvish Yeshiva at their Shabbaton. He later came over and apologized to my son and said he forgot that it wasn't his levush and he didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't know this happened , I just found out. But that was a misunderstanding and the rebbe obviously understands that this is not our levush and left it alone. I was very happy to hear that.

Last edited by thunderstorm on Sun, May 27 2018, 4:44 pm; edited 2 times in total
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amother
Powderblue


 

Post Sun, May 27 2018, 4:27 pm
amother wrote:
I think I understand what the principal meant-

A short jacket suit, bent down hat, tie, shows that one conforms with the yeshivish/litvish community
While the long jacket, up hat, no tie shows that one is part of the chassidishe velt

It must be hard for a young boy not to be here or there... perhaps when he gets older he will feel so confused and not try to be a part of anything

Also I have seen men give up the tie and eventually they gave up the jacket too and later on it was the white shirt

The gear of a Ben Torah in the Yeshivish community is a jacket with tie and hat when they are formal.

You clearly stated that you are not following chassidish minhagim anymore so if you’re going the litvish way the tie would be part of it

It sounds like your son is a very good boy who wants to make his parents and teachers proud. You should have much nachas and siyata dishmaya raising your children!


The up hat usually comes with a short jacket. And no tie. And while it's worn by Chassidish boys, it's also worn by Heimishe boys. There's a whole spectrum of in between the Chassidish and Yeshivish.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 27 2018, 4:33 pm
It's a uniform. You may consider a tie ludicrous on a male of any age. I may consider a sweater vest on a little boy in summer ludicrous. Both are part of the uniforms of different socio-religious circles. So what? You chose to send your dc to a school that requires a tie. Either get with the program and put your kid in a tie or find another school that doesn't require ties.

And, thunderstorm--aptly named!--can the hysteria, willya? Every group from Neturei Karta to Harry KriasShma to USMC to the PS 122 school choir to Wall Street investment bankers to the kids at Woodstock to soccer moms to The Crips to lehavdil BMG have their own "uniform" that identifies their members to each other and sometimes to others. It's a kind of shorthand so you don't have to do an in-depth interview before deciding friend or foe? Sholom aleichem or how do you do?

Whoops, I just read that the boys don't need to wear ties in school but the principal commented on the kid's dress in shul on Shabbos? Out of line, big time. How the child dresses on his own time is not the principal's business. Boys who wear suits with no ties grow up to become rebels? Really? And I suppose boys who wear suits with ties grow up to become pillars of society, and it's the tie that does it? Thanks for the laugh! Just when I thought nothing could be more ludicrous than the current POTUS. BTW, he wears a tie.
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thunderstorm




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 27 2018, 4:42 pm
zaq wrote:
It's a uniform. You may consider a tie ludicrous on a male of any age. I may consider a sweater vest on a little boy in summer ludicrous. Both are part of the uniforms of different socio-religious circles. So what? You chose to send your dc to a school that requires a tie. Either get with the program and put your kid in a tie or find another school that doesn't require ties.

And, thunderstorm--aptly named!--can the hysteria, willya? Every group from Neturei Karta to Harry KriasShma to USMC to the PS 122 school choir to Wall Street investment bankers to the kids at Woodstock to soccer moms to The Crips to lehavdil BMG have their own "uniform" that identifies their members to each other and sometimes to others. It's a kind of shorthand so you don't have to do an in-depth interview before deciding friend or foe? Sholom aleichem or how do you do?

Whoops, I just read that the boys don't need to wear ties in school but the principal commented on the kid's dress in shul on Shabbos? Out of line, big time. How the child dresses on his own time is not the principal's business. Boys who wear suits with no ties grow up to become rebels? Really? And I suppose boys who wear suits with ties grow up to become pillars of society, and it's the tie that does it? Thanks for the laugh! Just when I thought nothing could be more ludicrous than the current POTUS. BTW, he wears a tie.

Zaq I'm not sure if you understand this has nothing to do with uniform. I think you did realize it later in your post. And yes , this irks me because I have had to deal with this type of situation more than once. We are not rebellious in the least and we follow every school rule. This has to do with a new attitude of what "frum" means.
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Sun, May 27 2018, 4:48 pm
Papaya, bh my kids are not confused.

Since it's so crucial to the school, ds will wear one in shul and whatever.
I guess maybe to this principal it is a matter of respect, idk.
But I still don't see how not wearing one can cause a person to take off his jacket and white shirt etc. (Frankly, I don't think that's a terrible thing either. I think there's way too much emphasis on externals.)
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Sun, May 27 2018, 4:51 pm
Not wearing a tie leads to rebellion only if the non tie wearer is forced to wear a tie.

Otherwise it is of no consequence.
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salt




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 29 2018, 2:40 am
Most boys like to conform, and look like the rest of their class mates.
Does your DS want to wear a tie? Would your DH be insulted that your DS is changing his way of dress if he were to wear a tie?
When I was in elementary school in the UK we all wore ties - girls and boys - Jewish MO elementary school - that was the uniform. Everyone did it. You had to.
If everyone in his school wears a tie on shabbos, or in the beis hamidrash or wherever, then your DS should wear one. That's the dress code.
At home he doesn't have to.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 29 2018, 3:29 am
Yes, some do it for respect, as a dress up.
There are all kinds of things, some Hirschian MO (used to?) remove the kippa so the chol teacher doesn't feel different since they were not moving or eating...
{not a comparison, don't aggress me]
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