Having babies close together

Balabroomstick

Tue, May 29 2018, 8:37 am

I’m iy’h due at end of September with my second child which will make my children about 15 months apart. I’m really nervous about handling 2 babies and wondered if anyone had advice on how to balance your attention. Also did you do anything when the new baby arrived to make the older child not jealous or more comfortable?

Last edited by Balabroomstick on Tue, May 29 2018, 8:50 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Pink

Tue, May 29 2018, 8:47 am

Let your 15 month old be invovled in the care of the new born as much as possible.
-bring you diapers
-hold the baby with assist
-rock the carriage
-feed the baby a bottle with assist

What this does is fosters a life long feeling of care and nurturing in the older child.

I had them a bit closer in age (11 months apart), and was still nursing my older one. Tandem nursing accomplished creating that bond. (You can foster this bond without actually tandem nursing). From day one, my older child would make sure that the baby is nursing well. She would rub his back while they nursed. My older one is constantly looking out for the second. There has been little competition between the two of them since day one.

amother

Lilac

Tue, May 29 2018, 9:10 am

I had my first two 17 months apart and then a break. My four year old this time was actually more jealous though he was smart enough not to show it outright.
My then 17 month old always had a fascination with babies and she wasn’t yet smart enough to be jealous. 15 months is really still a baby. I don’t think jealousy should be your main concern.
Here is what I can tell you from experience. The first year will be very hard, but once your second one reaches toddlerhood their needs merge and they will become the best of friends and entertain each other!!!
I’m actually planning on not waiting that long this time because I want my third child to have what my first two have.

amother

Jade

Tue, May 29 2018, 9:18 am

My 2 oldest are 15 months apart, oldest started walking when baby was 4 months old! It wasn't easy, some days I was in a daze... but you don't have to manage perfectly! What was a lifesaver for me was that I put both kids on the same schedule right away so I had about 2 hours of quiet every day, & at bedtime it was quiet already.
Good luck!!

keym

Tue, May 29 2018, 9:52 am

My 2nd and 3rd are around 12 months apart. What helped me survive.
1) I disagree with making the big one your helper. Remember the older is a baby. I babied both of them together. When nursing the infant I let the big one cuddle next to me with her bottle or paci. I sang Mommy has two babies.
Read up on emotional skills for that age. Especially in following directions and expecting to understand.
So much frustration comes when we expect the older one to help or not touch just because he seems so much older.
2) as much cleaning and take-out as possible. Paper goods. Lower expectations.

observer

Tue, May 29 2018, 10:05 am

Firstly, b'shaa tova! Now for some tips:

The most important thing is to find some time every day to spend with only the older one. Whether you do it when the baby naps or while your husband or someone else holds the baby... Your older baby will still need Mommy time just with you. Even if you spend all day with the two of them, it's not the same as 15 minutes of quality time just one on one.

Also, try not to blame the baby for things you can't do for the older one. If the older one wants a drink and you are nursing, don't say "I can't get it now because I'm feeding the baby". Rather, say something like "I will get it in a few minutes" or "right now Mommy is resting, I will get it soon".

As others said, feeding times are great snuggle times for the older one. Also great for reading books. My toddler always begs me to nurse the baby because he loves to snuggle up with me while I do.

As far as managing....it is hard. Try to remind yourself that this stage will pass, it will not last forever. Also, lower your expectations. Don't expect your house to be ultra neat. Don't expect to accomplish things around the house while the babies are awake. Just be present with them. Play on the floor with them, sing, dance, go for walks outside.

Use disposable dishes, simpler meals, whatever it takes to get through while keeping everyone healthy and happy.

Hatzlacha!

Kiwi13

Tue, May 29 2018, 11:52 am

My oldest was 2 when my twins were born. I praised him to the skies for his help. I offered him chances to “be a baby” so he wouldn’t have to beg for that kind of attention (I let him drink his milk cuddled up on my lap, etc.) and I made sure to spend as much one on one time with him as possible, even when things were crazy in the beginning. I bought him a present “from the babies.” I made sure that when people commented how cute the babies were, I said, “and they have a GREAT big brother!” I tried hard to help him feel important and loved and never shoved aside, to the best of my ability. B”H he adjusted wonderfully (after a rocky beginning that I think was less ablit the babies and more about my illness and inability to spend enough time with him).

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, May 29 2018, 12:46 pm

I had two with 14 months apart,was very hard in the begining since the baby had problems with breastfeeding ,my 2 advice:
1-have your freezee stock with food for at list 2 months
2-get as many paid help as you need.
I had a cleaning lady just twice a week ,was really hard , I regret not having every day , even that I didnt have extra money to spend ,I wish that at that time I would see cleaning help as a matter of "mental health " not just physical.

Good luck
Beshaa tova