No father role model, whats it like?

amother

Cerise

Sat, Jun 02 2018, 9:22 pm

I keep wondering what it is like for my dd 16 not to have a father in the house as we divorced when she was 15.
There is some phone contact but the weekly visits are not weekly anymore so she does not see him very often.

What is she missing out by not having a frum father role model in the house?

amother

Teal

Sat, Jun 02 2018, 10:06 pm

amother wrote:

What is she missing out by not having a frum father role model in the house?

Emphasis on frum? On father? On role model?

amother

Cerise

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 2:32 am

amother wrote:

Emphasis on frum? On father? On role model?

He's not religious anymore
He wasnt really a 'healthy' role model......

amother

Blonde

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 2:55 am

I grew up with a father in the house who was far from a role model.
I’d probably be better off without him.

So op, don’t dwell on it, your kids will be fine if they have you as a good role model.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 3:25 am

amother wrote:

Is she loosing out on a proper father - daughter relationship?

amother

Red

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 3:45 am

amother wrote:

Same here . I still wish my mom divorced him . Had a miserable childhood cos of him . I married the first person who was suggested to me . Had 2 children and divorced him .
Now I'm b"h happily remarried (my father didn't agree to my shiduch but now loves my dh )
My children don't have contact with the biological father (personality disorder and not on the same religious level as us) but they have a new father , an amazing person, most caring and loving . Best role model .

I wasn't gonna put my children through what I went through.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 7:37 am

I was definitely better off without my father. My parents divorced when I was very young. My father saw us once or twice a year and the visits were very stressful.
My mother was a strong, amazing role model. She made sure we spent a lot of time with close family friends who were wonderful role models for us.
I married an amazing, wonderful man who is the best father ever to our children. I waited a long time to get married (35+) and it was worth the wait. I married the complete opposite of my deadbeat dad - because my mom showed me by her actions not to tolerate a man like my father.

OP, continue to be a role model for your daughter. Good Luck!

amother

Emerald

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 12:37 pm

I voted none, my mother is not jewish and my father is. I have never met my biological father, but I imagine that living with a single loving mother is better than living with parents who have a dysfunctional relationship as my parents would have. from what I hear from my mother, my father is not a healthy person.

thunderstorm

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 1:27 pm

I missed having my father in the home . He was the disciplinarian and my mother didn't manage well with the rest of my siblings.
There was no one maintaining the house and upkeep and it literally fell apart.
But as far as a role model , I think my brothers missed out. They didn't have their father to go to shul on With and didn't have their father to learn and do homework with. The boys definitely struggled more than the girls in terms of having a male role model.
My sister was affected in a way that she looked for and craved a father figure and ended up marrying someone my fathers age who was extremely abusive to her.
We were much younger than 15 when our parents divorced . I had the male role model until I was 11. My sister only had it until she was 7. That also makes a difference.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 1:58 pm

Just make sure that your children have a healthy male role model so that they know what’s right, wrong... and so they can see what a marriage is like.
In addition, make sure there’s someone available to help her with reports (like Chumash and Navi reports) it was always harder for me as I didn’t have a father to help. Thank Gd I had an uncle who was always willing to help me.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Jun 03 2018, 3:53 pm

amother wrote:

Thats very difficult as boys are in their upper teens and I cant just get a man into my life. And they know and see their father weekly and spend time with him even thou hes not a healthy role model when it comes to outlook in life or yiddishkeit. And I did their chazoro when needed years ago.....
With girls its def myuch easier.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jun 04 2018, 12:30 am

I grew up with a father that wasn't involved at all in our home. My mom was/is the role model. He was like a furniture peice that didn't do anything, and had no interest in my and in my siblings life. My parents are divorced now and I always think to myself why you need a father. I grew up perfectly fine without having one (sort of).

amother

Slategray

Mon, Jun 04 2018, 8:40 am

My mother used to give me presents for refusing to speak to my father when he called or to see him when he had visitation.

She used to twist the country songs about how wonderful and what a role model Daddy was into songs about how terrible he is.

Surprise! Me and two of my siblings turned out very well.

My other sister is an OTD activist and a very bitter and difficult person. But she was also obnoxious and hard to get along with as a child .