4 year old being aggressive after hard time

amother

Jade

Mon, Jun 04 2018, 3:41 pm

Our 4 year old ds has started behaving odd and aggressive in the last 2-3 weeks. He hits his siblings and deliberately opens the garden gate multiple times to make his little brother run into the street. He also takes off his clothes and runs into the street naked and stays naked in the house as well, refuses to dress. Today, he threatened to take the gun (we live in Israel and have a licensed weapon in the house) and shoot his sister dead. He makes a mess on the toilet every time he goes there and slops dirty water from the bowl all over the place with the toilet brush. All this developed within 2-3 weeks! I don't know what to do.
He's for sure had a hard time lately, I was in hospital for a week, then his grandfather, dh's father ז"ל died. In his kindergarten there is an ongoing problem with lack of staff and violent children, other parents have complained as well. His best friend has turned against him and hits him regularly now.
No wonder all that it's driving him nuts but I'm losing it as well and don't know how to cope with him. I'm still not fully recovered from my own illness and dh is still heavily grieving for his father and not fully functional either. Help!

amother

Seashell

Mon, Jun 04 2018, 7:51 pm

That sounds like a lot on his plate. I would consider some temporary therapy. Play therapy to act out his feelings. Sounds a bit like he's not feeling secure and wants to show control in areas that he can take control of, whether or not it's appropriate. Gun, reaction to bullies, letting kid out to street, taking off clothes, making messes etc. Obviously hard to know just from a post.
On the other hand, if he's had strep recently, PANDAS may be a consideration.

amother

Violet

Mon, Jun 04 2018, 7:54 pm

Definitely play therapy to help him work through all of this. It will likely be short term, but it should begin ASAP. Also, look into the possibility that things are worse than you thought at school. He may need to be removed from that setting.

He definitely needs lots and lots of love and attention. Not punishment.

WhatFor

Mon, Jun 04 2018, 8:07 pm

I agree with others regarding therapy. In the meantime, unless there's an urgent need to have the weapon in your house, please store it somewhere outside of your house until he gets past this phase.

amother

Jade

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 3:21 am

Stars wrote:

Why is he still in that school.

OP here. Because we live in a small yishuv, it's a dati state-run kindergarten and there is no option of switching. There are no private kindergartens for his age here (only for babies) and we couldn't afford one even if there were any. He can't stay home because both dh and I work.

The weapon is of course stored out of children's reach. We've got a safe. He can't really take it. It was more his idea of shooting his sister that bothered me.

I'll look around if we can get play therapy anywhere and try to avoid punishing him, even though it's difficult.

amother

Seashell

Tue, Jun 05 2018, 7:37 am

In the interim, while arranging therapy, see what you can do to get him to talk through/act out the things that are bothering him. Can use playmobil or a dollhouse set up like a school or your house. Similar to what play therapy looks like.