How do I get my kids to play with toys?

amother

Mint

Tue, Jun 12 2018, 5:32 am

This is getting out of hand already in my house. They refuse to play with toys and bother each other to no end. They tell me there is nothing to play with and I’ll offer every option but they refuse it all! I don’t understand why? We have a toy closet and they can easily access and bring toys to the living room. It’s not that they are being sent to a basement to play or even another room! When they are awake and home, we spend our time in the living room, so I am right there with them.

Not only that but my youngest (age appropriate) will play with random kitchen things. This way while I’m cooking he can sit and “cook” too and be entertained. But the older ones will come and take those from him or get more! I will even see them come out from the kitchen with a utensil (while I’m not cooking) to play with.

Of course they then walk around saying they are bored and just continuously bothering and fighting with each other.

Help! I’m at my wits end with this!

They are relatively new toys bec I did a huge Pesach clean up and tossed a lot of old/broken/missing toys and replaced with newer age appropriate ones. (Thinking this would help solve the problem, but it hasn’t.)

myname1

Tue, Jun 12 2018, 6:31 am

Maybe list the ages/genders of your kids and the toys you bought and/or are suggesting. Could it be you tossed things with tons of pieces like Playmobile that they liked and used to play with and now bought different types of toys which they do not enjoy? (I'm not saying you did anything wrong if so, just that this possibility jumped out at me based on your description.) If you have a bunch of school-aged kids home together, maybe try introducing them to board games? Or games like Guess Who? They require cooperation, but if they are bored and enjoy it, they may be wiling...

gibberish

Tue, Jun 12 2018, 6:36 am

Can you sit down with your children and play together with them for a few minutes to get them started? My kids sometimes will say they are not interested until I get them "into it" and then they will stay engaged for a while. We also try to rotate the toys every couple of months so whatever is accessible to them remains fun and exciting. The other toys are put in storage where they cannot access it.

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Jun 12 2018, 7:38 am

They will play if....

1- you start off sitting down and playing with them

2- your play area is neat

3- you choose the toys for them . Don’t assume they can just walk over to the closet and know how to choose. Take out 1-2 things and display it in the room in a fun way.

Try putting on music in the playroom

Don’t you see, they do want to play... they just want to be near you and do things together with you. That’s why they are hanging out in the kitchen...

amother

Mint

Tue, Jun 12 2018, 8:15 am

They range from 1 1/2 - 8 years old.

I was careful not to throw away anything like little pieces because those I find entertain the most. We have the typical magnetiles and blocks and all that, dolls and fuzzy toys, and we also have board games that I started introducing because I saw they were reads and love playing them. But not anymore!

I see that they only want to be with me and it’s driving me up a wall. It’s every. Single. Day. I’ve been working a lot on individual time because I was thinking maybe they feel they don’t get my personal attention, but that hasn’t helped in terms of getting them to be entertained by themselves.

I can start a game with them but if I step out they will say they don’t want to play with the other person and a fight will break out.

The only time they play nicely and quietly is when I say it’s time for bed and they can be the best of friends for an hour or longer and whispering on and on or playing in their beds nicely. (I even tried sending them to bed early to let them play quietly there, just to make them play, but that backfired and they weren’t able to get to sleep bec they wouldn’t stop.)

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 12 2018, 8:29 am

Of course they want to be with you, you're their mother and they love you! Try brainstorming ways that you can include them in your daily activities, instead of trying to get them to leave you alone.

There may actually be too many toys to choose from. Things tend to work better if you only have a few types of toys out at once, and those toys have to be cleaned up and put away before you bring out the next batch. That helps keep the toys interesting, as well as helping to keep your play area manageable.

If the kids whine that they are bored, do not rush to fix it. One of the most important skills a child needs to learn is how to use their imagination, and how to handle uncomfortable feelings. DD is like this all the time, even as a teen. I promise you, the average child cannot stand to be bored for more than 5 to 15 minutes, and then their imagination will kick in and they will find something to do.

If they ask you for suggestions, then offer chores for them. If/when they reject that idea, just shrug and say "Then I don't know. I guess you'll have to figure it out!" Then turn around and get back to what you were doing.

Going back to my first point, the very best way to address boredom is to ask if they want to help you. Can they measure ingredients, fold laundry, sweep the floor? They don't have to do a perfect job. They should enjoy being with you, being a big helper, and learning life skills.

One more thought, when your kids fight, what do you do? Do you use time outs? It sounds to me like if boredom is the worst form of torture for them, then time outs would be ideal natural consequences for not nice behaviour.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Jun 12 2018, 8:39 am

Maybe they would be more likely to get busy with crafts? My kids go through stages where all they want to do is hours of crafts. I keep organized boxes of crayons, markers, gel pens, colored pencils, glue, scissors, different papers, stickers. And they occupy themselves with various creations. Or perler beads.

thunderstorm

Tue, Jun 12 2018, 8:47 am

amother wrote:

This. My boys up until age 11 and some even after actually enjoy crafts way more than toys.
I have boxes of supplies and I let them be creative and do things on their own. It does make a big mess but it keeps them occupied for hours.
Recently my 12 yr old made an adorable Donald Trump Puppet with a brown paper bag and some card stock, glue, scissors and googly eyes. It was so detailed, down to the wig, tie and an American Flag pin.
Another thing my boys like to do is "plant". They have planted beans in styrofoam cups with wet tissues. They plant seeds outside in the earth and they water their "crops" daily.
I leave them free to their own imagination and allow them to do their own thing.
Shabbos is the only day my kids actually sit down to play with toys and games.

amother

Mint

Tue, Jun 12 2018, 9:21 am

Wow thank you everyone for some really great advice.

I don’t actually pull it toys for them but I will go through the titles and offer them as options. I actually do give them chores to do and that resulted from the boredom. It worked really well and they each have some that they are really good at.

Crafts is an amazing idea. It’s the one thing I didn’t replace. They used to sit for hours doing all diff type. Stickers, coloring, glue, pompoms, popsicle sticks all that fun stuff. I think I’m going to make a run to the craft store this week! Yes it gets messy but I always put down a plastic table cloth and I always found It cut the mess down by 75%. This is great, I’m so excited.

When they fight they usually get separated and forced to find something to do. I’ll send one to the room and offer some options of quiet alone play or read.

Interesting that they do always manage to find something to do. The problem is that they mostly consist of bothering another child or trouble.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 12 2018, 9:31 am

The best crafting tip I ever learned, was to have each project contained on a cookie sheet. The disposable ones are too flimsy, but a sturdy aluminum one would be great. One for each kid.

A cookie sheet will:
Contain paint spills
Stop rolling beads, crayons, etc.
Allow projects to be brought out into the sun to dry
Stackable to get out of the way
Half finished jobs can easily be finished the next day
Corral glitter (that's a big one!)
And a million other uses.

Still use the plastic tablecloth, but once you start using the cookie sheets you'll wonder how you survived without them.