Do you give/get high-end support?

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 3:47 am

Sorry, Coral, I'm not clear about your post. Is this info true or not true?

To the rest of you, I explained above that anyone who is willing to help me with this should just post, "I have info for you--PM me!" and I will be in touch with them directly. Yes, you have a right to be suspicious, but just a reminder: you also have an obligation to be dan l'kaf zechus. Just saying...

amother

Blue

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 3:59 am

I don't understand why everyone here is making such a big deal out of the question?
You can post as anynonimous and noone will know who you are.
I get 400 Dh gets 150 dollars. My dad also gives me 100 dollars everytime I visit and he pay for vacations.
He has more money than he needs but we never asked for it.
I'm very grateful for everything we get

amother

Jade

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 5:22 am

amother wrote:

It's not about personal information, we are nervous the OP isn't who she says she is and what she will do with the information.

Iymnok

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 5:30 am

It’s also an anonymous poster asking personal information. It’s unbalanced.
Tell us what your plan is and give us a reason to trust you.
You are saying that it’s not fair that your intentions are being questioned, while you are questioning and inquiring about a personal and private matter.
To get honest answers in anything, you must show care and sensitivity to the other party. Just asking does not entitle you to answers. Honest ones at that.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 5:50 am

OP here. Wow! This really blew up into something much different than I imagined. So be it!

Anyone who has information they would like to share offline, please let me know and I will pm you.

No more lecturers, crusaders for justice, or just plain EXTREMELY curious people need reply.

giselle

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 6:34 am

amother wrote:

I get high end support.

My parents and in-laws are really special. They made up to each give us $500 per kid, plus a $1500 stipend to cover rent and utilities. This way we don't have to go on any government programs to live like mentchen.

My parents own a business, and I am a part-time worker (at home, a few hours a day - they pay for babysitting and the tech I need for this). This enables them to put our family on their health insurance.

DH's whole family goes a trip to Israel every other year (they pay for all the kids), and both sides fly us out to visit them (they both live a good few hour drive away).

My parents bought us a really nice minivan and a small car for DH. DH works, but in Klei Kodesh, and in 2 different places so he really needs a car.

Both my parents and in-laws usually send us $1000 or so before the major Yomim Tovim, and $100 for each kid's birthday.

My in-laws are also paying our school tuition (they are friends with the menahel and they are happy to support his school).

The condition is that we send them pictures and updates regularly, and we come visit them a few times a year. They basically are paying for nachas Smile

We have been putting away a chunk of the money they give us, so if they stop for any reason we will have what to live on while DH looks for a better-paying job.

Now how do you know any of this is true? You'll just have to trust me.

(Yes, totally made up. But it would be nice, no?)

Love it

amother

Black

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 7:58 am

There was also another time a poster wanted to know info about women that had bad outcomes or good outcomes for home-births. She was extremely insensitive (some people posted about their personal losses some to do with home birth and some to do with hospital birth) and as the thread went on, she was increasingly belligerent. Finance questions is considered sensitive information. Why anyone should provide that for you is beyond me. The fact that you cannot quell people's fears by answering their questions and you are getting all indignant shows that perhaps you know that you are doing something not right.

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 9:02 am

pink amother - are you serious when you say you get 10,000 a month plus full time help but you STILL take a discount on tuition based on your husband earning a low income. I'm trying to understand that. I wouldn't feel right doing that. If we have the funds we pay tuition even if those funds come from support, savings whatever, a tuition break should be for those in need. Maybe others don't feel that way? I'll be dan l'kaf zchus that you really need the full time help for some reason and that the 10,000 doesn't actually translate to a "high life" due to you have a lot of kids, living in a very expensive area or whatever... and therefore you really do need a scholarships

To answer you question- no that might not come back to bite you unless someone who knows you in IRL guesses it's you. It could easily make people even more resentful of the kollel lifestyle, especially if they are really struggling to pay full tuition knowing there are kollel families who are getting fully support in their school who might be like you and getting a discount. So it might not hurt you specifically but I do think it hurts you generally. Then again may be it's better for people to know the score than be ignorant about it even if it makes them angrier? who knows.

amother

Sienna

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 9:32 am

amother wrote:

Whooooosh.

That was the point.

Posters are deliberately making up over the top responses just to show OP how useless and ridiculous this line of inquiry is. If we have no way to verify who she is and what she's doing with the information, how can she verify that what anyone tells her is real?

shoshanim999

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 9:46 am

I think the the op's question is ridiculous because the idea that she would use info, the source being completely random anonymous woman with no way to substantiate a word of what they are claiming, is absurd.
I think the responses here are even more absurd as many here are taking things way out of proportion and acting as if the info gathered here can somehow be used against them. Calm down, it can't. If you respond anonymously, (frankly, even if you use your sn) there is no way to be outed. The type of responses are so general such as " 5 kids, husband a rebbe and parents pay my rent and car". That's around 5000 families in Lakewood right there. Can someone even think of a response that a poster would be naive enough to respond here that could somehow lead to people identifying her? I can't.

33055

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 9:51 am

shoshanim999 wrote:

The information may not be able to be used against random women, but it could be used to hurt the group.

Mommyg8

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 9:57 am

I'm not sure what the big secret is - in my circles it is the norm to give support for at least the first few years. I'm also not sure what the op can actually do with any of this information - it's not a real survey or anything, even if 5 people post that they get high end support, that's a grand total of 5 out of probably like 50,000 families, k'h. I don't get what the use of this could actually be.

shoshanim999

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 10:02 am

Squishy wrote:

The information may not be able to be used against random women, but it could be used to hurt the group.

What information could possibly be gathered other than what is already known to all? We all know that many in the frum world get financial help from family. Some get alot, some get a little, some all expenses paid. What is there to find out already?

merelyme

Sun, Jun 17 2018, 10:13 am

grace413 wrote:

OP, we've been burnt here before by similar requests.

If you contact Yael and she vets you people will be more willing to answer.

op, perhaps this will help you understand some of the reactions:

Please think of a really private piece of information, and then post it with your screen name. Your screen name is anonymous anyway, right? Really, anyone reading your secret would have no nefarious intent. You'll have to trust me on that.

Understandably, maybe you'd rather not?

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Thread locked.
- merelyme, as mod