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Forum
-> Parenting our children
behappy2
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 Sat, Jun 16 2018, 10:03 pm
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As a mother is your goal to raise emotionally healthy children, frum children and/or to just get through the day in a healthy way and love your kids? Which of these is on the forefront of your mind? Do you think that bec there is so much info about parenting we have become more anxious and taken on excessive responsibility for our childrens mental health? Been thinking about this lately. Would love for everyone to weigh in. What kind of mother are you and what type of information inspires you to be your best.
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allthingsblue
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Sat, Jun 16 2018, 10:55 pm
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Relationship with the kids.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sat, Jun 16 2018, 11:17 pm
Heaven knows having goals such as "frum children" is as useless as used toilet paper.
My early goals were to be everything my parents were not, and to be nothing they were (like hitting, yelling, harshness). My children did not benefit from those goals either.
Some of my goals have been:
1. to have a calm home,
2. to have a heartfelt connection,
3. to be attuned and responsive
4. to nurture physically and emotionally
5. to support each child in his/her unique unfolding.
To many mothers these come naturally. I had to work hard to do what comes naturally to others.
I recommemd a very old, yet fantastic book, "Mothering". It's my parenting bible.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sat, Jun 16 2018, 11:29 pm
I think my biggest mistake was focusing intently on my "role" of mother. Being a "human being" with my children is a more useful way to spend our life together.
(Based on feedback from them).
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amother
Brown
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Sat, Jun 16 2018, 11:37 pm
| amother wrote: | Heaven knows having goals such as "frum children" is as useless as used toilet paper.
My early goals were to be everything my parents were not, and to be nothing they were (like hitting, yelling, harshness). My children did not benefit from those goals either.
Some of my goals have been:
1. to have a calm home,
2. to have a heartfelt connection,
3. to be attuned and responsive
4. to nurture physically and emotionally
5. to support each child in his/her unique unfolding.
To many mothers these come naturally. I had to work hard to do what comes naturally to others.
I recommemd a very old, yet fantastic book, "Mothering". It's my parenting bible. |
I don't know if a lot of these things come naturally to mothers. If anything, society thinks and expects them to come naturally, but they often don't. If anything, the fact that you were able to recognize that they didn't come naturally and do the work makes you more likely to be a good mother.
Last edited by amother on Thu, Jul 11 2019, 12:29 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Bisque
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Sat, Jun 16 2018, 11:40 pm
Emotionally healthy first and foremost.
But I also value productivity and contributing to society and hope to pass those values on to my children.
Frumkeit I believe is an individual choice and I leave that up to them.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 12:47 am
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amother
Seashell
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 12:51 am
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Who is the author of "Mothering"? Thanks.
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amother
Amber
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 1:02 am
I haven't been a mother very long; my dc is 16 months old...
But I Am quickly learning that it's very difficult to be the perfect mother I want to be... I have already done some of the things I was NEVER going to do
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Ruchel
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 4:46 am
My goal is frum children wanting frum children.
To do this, love and connection is needed.
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essie14
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 5:14 am
Emotionally healthy, productive members of society.
I want them to feel loved.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 4:34 pm
| amother wrote: | | Who is the author of "Mothering"? Thanks. |
Elaine Heffner.
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amother
Cerulean
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 4:38 pm
| essie14 wrote: | Emotionally healthy, productive members of society.
I want them to feel loved. |
This exactly.
I daven that they should be yirei shomayim but I know that's out of my hands, and I also know that the above is a necessary prerequisite.
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Motherhood
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 4:52 pm
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I just finished wished reading "liberated parents, liberated children". This is my parenting bible. The 1 goal should be to raise "metchliche mentchin". They should love, care, help..... everything else will follow. And "hakol bidei shamayim chutz m'yiras shamayim"
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amother
Mistyrose
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 7:10 pm
Short term goal : to get through the day without killing the kids or myself.
Long term goal: to bring up independent adults.
B"H, missions accomplished.
(Frum menschen goes without saying. Independent adult, not so much. Either way, mission accomplished.)
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amother
Fuchsia
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 7:16 pm
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Have you ever observed a mother duck and her ducklings? She walks and they follow. I feel the same way about my task as a mother. I focus on my own spiritual life, and they will follow. Shoving it down their throat can't lead to anything lasting. Have a rich life, and they will likely want to emulate it. Don't get in their way. Get good therapy if you find you're getting in their way.
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Kiwi13
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Sun, Jun 17 2018, 7:19 pm
My overall goal is to raise good, healthy, happy, moral people with meaning and purpose.
Sometimes my daily goal is just to get through the day in one piece.
The two are not mutually exclusive.
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