Rachel Imeinu gave the signs to Leah

sweetie2shoes

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 9:00 am

I've been wondering about this.

Rachel knew her father would try to deceive Yaakov when it came her wedding night and he would go so far as to switch the bride. She made up a private sign with Yaakov so he shouldn't be fooled.
Apparently, she then changed her mind. She felt so bad for her sister and wanted to spare her the humiliation so she told her the private sign.

I don't understand.
It seems such a betrayal to Yaakov. How could she sell him out that way?

Even if she was willing to give up marrying him, why would she think HE would be willing to give up marrying her?
Did she consider him at all?
He trusted her when he agreed on the signs, didn't she break his trust by giving them away?
Rachel is praised for this, can anyone explain?

zaq

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 9:57 am

IIRC, had leah married esav she would have influenced him for the good. Instead, she married yaakov and esav remained the same evildoer he always was. Plus, because Yaakov couldn’t be married to two sisters in EY, Rachel had to die. So maybe Rachel’s selfless action was in fact not all that wise or good. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

There’s lots more we don’t know. Maybe Lavan threatened Rachel or coerced her in some way to cooperate with his scheme? The man was not above using his dds to further his own interests.

OTOH, nothing happens without the KBH’s consent. Because Rachel died, Joseph was favored above the other sons. (He might have been favored anyway, but being the son of a dead wife made him even more so.) The brothers’ jealousy ultimately led to the enslavement in Egypt.

But this, too, was part of G-d’s plan, promised to Avraham. So in the end it doesn’t really matter because everything that happened was supposed to happen.

PinkFridge

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 10:17 am

I'm not sure if it was impulsive. It was a reaction that was part of her essence, and every decision she'd made to that point to become the person she was.

There may have been some level of ruach hakodesh involved as well, even if she wasn't fully aware, that knew that Leah had to marry Yaakov too, for each of them (and Bilhah and Zilpah, who raised their children totally modeled after the Rochel and Leah) to imbue the shevatim with what each of them needed to contribute.

And yes, Leah's reaction is puzzling, considering that she teaches us so much about real gratitude. People are complex. And there may have been more layers to her reaction there also.

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 10:28 am

etky wrote:

Actually, what puzzles me even more is how angrily Leah reacts to Rachel when she asks for the dudaim that Reuven had picked for her in the field. She accuses her of 'taking my husband'. I've always wondered how this jibes with the midrash about Rachel giving Leah the simanim.

I heard a very interesting explanation about this from Rabbi Septimus, when I attended Maalot/Neve.

He said that Lavan's trickery did not take place right before the wedding - but actually, it took place right at the time of the engagement, and Leah was not aware of it.

He explained it something like this (it's been awhile, so I hope I remember this right): When Yaakov met Rachel by the well, he stated his wish to marry her. Rachel went home and told Lavan, but Lavan instead announced to Leah that she was to be the bride of Yaakov. Rachel remained silent.

Thru 7 years that he worked for Rachel, Leah thought he was working for her. Anytime he sent a gift to the houses, it was given to Leah.

Right before the wedding, Rachel came to Leah and said - I have a message for you from your husband-to-be. He asked me to tell you these signs - because he's afraid that our father might switch you for some other girl. And she gave Leah the signs, that Leah thought were intended for herself.

After all that waiting, Leah is stunned when a week after their wedding, Yaakov marries Rachel, and dotes on her.

When Rachel asks for the Dudaim, Leah is furious and says - is it not enough that you stole my husband, must you take my dudaim too?

I always found this fascinating.

zaq

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 10:32 am

Can there be
Jealousy deeper
than the jealousy
sisters
?

Consider Leah’s position: she had to cheat to get a husband, had to live with the fact that her dh never wanted her in the first place, was apparently valued mainly as a brood mare, and had to share a household and a dh with her prettier younger sister. Who wouldn’t be snarky living with that? Of course, given that she was a tzadekes, you would think she’d have stifled her nasty impulse. But we aren’t allowed to think bad things about our ancestors, so our wise men look for excuses. Oh, she wasn’t being nasty G-d forbid; she just wanted to motivate Rachel to pray harder.

Well, no one ever said Leah knew anything about human psychology.

PurpleandGold

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 10:45 am

octopus wrote:

In doing so, Rachel gave up marrying yaakov. She did not know that he was going to marry her also. I once asked a bil about the uncanny similarities between names of rabbi akiva and wife Rachel. Akiva is the same letters of yaakov and the same meaning. He said in sefer hagilgulim it says that they are a gilgul of yaakov avinu and Rachel imeinu. Rachel imeinu her whole life put her children first. The second Rachel put akiva above all.

Yes, I heard this from my husband, Yaakov Avinu returned as Akiva, names which are in essence the same, the shoresh being "Eikev." In the second gilgul, Rachel Imeinu had the opportunity to "correct" any betrayal of her bond with Yaakov, by giving up her family, wealth, and status to marry the poor, humble shepherd. And in that gilgul, she was united with him as his sole wife.

Rachel acted out of complete compassion toward Leah, and her compassion aroused great Compassion in the world above, it is Rachel's actions that will merit the final redemption. But there was, on a level, a betrayel, if you will, of the bond between Yaakov and Rachel, the true soul mates. So the betrayel had to be rectified.

There are many examples in Tanach like this, when an extremely important action of holy intent still has imperfect ramifications. Eisav should have been the greatest of the Avos. When he betrayed his destiny, the bechora had to be given to Yaakov, this was now the right thing. But Yaakov had to use manipulation and trickery to get the bechora from Eisav, causing Eisav to exclaim "Twice he has tricked me!". This " tricking" has reverberated through the generations, with Jews being typecasted as sly and tricky by antisemitic Gentiles (the descendants of Eisav) in literature and popular culture until today.

Amazing how our imperfect humanity, our good and bad intentions, can impact our future, and that we must return to correct even things that were not sins.

Last edited by PurpleandGold on Fri, Jun 22 2018, 11:05 am; edited 1 time in total

PurpleandGold

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 11:02 am

Chayalle wrote:

Yes I heard this from my husband as well, that Rachel's greatness in compassion is far beyond what we think from the original story - that Rachel gave over her signs so that Leah wouldn't be embarrassed on the wedding night. Rachel not only gave over her signs, but she did so in a way THAT LEAH, UNTIL HER DEATH, NEVER KNEW SHE WAS NOT THE INTENDED FIRST WIFE. Leah was truly NEVER shamed by her sister, on any level. Rachel never told Leah the truth, that Yaakov didn't really want her, and Yaakov never told her either.

It is remarkable also, to point out that Leah brought about this amazing twisting of destiny through her prayers! Leah heard in childhood that she would be married to Eisav,and Rachel would be married to Yaakov. When Leah discovered that Eisav was a man of immoral character, she didn't consider that she had the power to positively influence him. Instead Leah davened and cried so powerfully that her lashes fell out, that she should not marry such a Rasha. Her prayers altered her destiny to be joined to Yaakov, and in fact she aroused such rachmei shamayim that she merited the first born of Yaakov's children and the majority of his sons. This is where we learn the the concept that no Tefillah of pure desperation returns unanswered, and that we should be very, very careful what we pray for... Imagine if Leah instead had believed in her power, and prayed instead for her future husband to do teshuva? The destiny of the Jewish people would look so different had Eisav taken his rightful place among the Avos...

InnerMe

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 11:43 am

PurpleandGold wrote:

I love your post purpleandgold. This topic fascinates me.

sweetie2shoes

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 1:20 pm

PurpleandGold wrote:

Thank you everyone for your responses. You've given me food for thought.

This I don't understand, especially the part in caps. Even if no one told Leah she wasn't wanted, it seems she knew. Didn't she name her children with comments about her pain and being hated? And perhaps now that she bore a child her husband might love her?

What was the benefit to HER in Rachel's actions if she spent her life feeling lonely and rejected?

PurpleandGold

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 3:40 pm

sweetie2shoes wrote:

I agree with you. There are never ending questions to this story.

If Rachel switched the signs, why was Leah "hated", why wasn't Yaakov more hurt and angry with Rachel for allowing Leah into their marriage?

The Bnei Leah (who were truly the spiritual children of Eisav) felt less love and understanding from Yaakov, which led to the struggle between the two camps - the sons of Leah and the sons of Rachel - and eventually the selling of Yosef. Again, we see the reverberations of the actions of the shevatim through the generations... All machlokes in klal Yisrael, including the split of the malchus and the more recent division of Chassidim and misnagdim, can be traced to the original struggle of the bnei Leah and the bnei Rachel. How could Yaakov have allowed the bnei Leah to sense less love from him?

Could Leah really have changed Eisav had she davened for him and married him? We are always told by modern relationship experts never to marry expecting to change the other person. But apparently Leah should have believed more in herself and her soul mate Eisav, and she could have created a happier destiny for her herself and our entire nation!

In the end, it is the most complicated and fascinating story of all time. Each of us is affected by it today, whether we realize it or not. There are many, many lessons to ponder from this story...human relationships are just not black and white, with clear right and wrong...

daagahminayin

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 8:22 pm

PurpleandGold wrote:

Love this!

amother

Pink

Fri, Jun 22 2018, 9:06 pm

I learned that Yaakov was drawn to Rachel because his soul was connected to trickery (see his name and Eisav's statement) and she also inherited this trait from her father (we see this later also with the idols, not only the signs).

Yaakov wasn't angry at Rachel for giving Leah the signs because he understood that sometimes trickery is a necessary evil (like when he got the brachos) and also that this part of her soul is what drew him to her.

Leah was treated with great love and respect by Yaakov, but on a soul level they weren't a match so she felt hated. Her soul was much higher and better suited to Eisav's soul, but because of his evil actions and her G-dly ones they weren't married. When Yaakov met Eisav on his way to Shechem, if Dena would have married Eisav the marriage would have been metaken the trickery of Yaakov and Rachel and joined Eisav and Leah's souls. Instead, Yaakov tricked Eisav again by hiding Dena.

It really is such a fascinating study. Think of hope much must have happened in their lives and Hashem chose these stories to guide us with. As sisters, wives and mothers there is so much to learn. Self awareness, relationships, shidduchim, honesty and trust.

etky

Sat, Jun 23 2018, 3:44 pm

sweetie2shoes wrote:

Most certainly. The midrash shemot of Reuven, Shimon and Levi all strongly reflect this sentiment - especially Shimon where she states explicitly that she is hated. However, by the time Yehuda is born, we see a certain shift as his name reflects none of this. In fact, even earlier, by Levi, we see a subtle change since it is Ya'acov who actually grants the name - signifying the very involvement that Leah sought and which is reflected in Levi's midrash shem: הפעם ילווה אישי אלי כי ילדתי לו שלושה בנים. I think it is not unreasonable to assume that Ya'acov and Leah's relationship did not remain static and that they did draw closer once the children were born. This perhaps added another dimension to Rachel's desperation over her barrenness.
Someone upthread said that we don't know very much about the relationship between Rachel and Leah and between them and Ya'acov, and this is very true. Close reading of the text can reveal some hints. Chazal's midrashim also attempt to fill in the blanks.
I think that these midrashim encourage us to view these relationships as much more nuanced and dynamic than the sparse narrative portrays. True, there was tension and rivalry between Rachel and Leah but there was also compassion - in addition to the midrash about the simanim we also have the famous midrash about the Dina/Yosef pregnancies that talks about Leah's compassion for Rachel.