Play dates/social life for 4 yr old boy

amother

Babypink

Fri, Jun 29 2018, 4:09 pm

I am a bit of an introvert. I love talking to people one on one but don't do well in crowds. I also like to talk with people who are a bit out-of-the-box; I don't have much in common with the very cool, with it women because I can't afford the latest and greatest and have no interest in keeping up with the jones.
However, I don't want my son's social life to suffer.
Somehow we ended up in a neighborhood where many/most moms are the well dressed, in-town type.
Right now, I try to find a friend for him to play with on shabbos, and occasionally once during the week. We live on a Jewish block but I must be watching him if he's outside because of cars etc, so I do have to be social with his friends' moms, which is hard for me. But I try to make the effort for his sake.
A lot of the other boys are out playing every day, but I am too intimidated to break into the crowd of moms with my son.
At school he is happy, and seems to be well liked, from what I see and hear from his Morah.
Any thoughts for me? Am I a terrible mom?

Fri, Jun 29 2018, 4:28 pm

You are NOT a terrible mom. This thought is doing damage to you and your son.
Next case. There are many introvert moms, many out-of-the-box moms, and many living on Jewish blocks where kids need to be supervised.
It seems that you recently moved there and this issue is new to you. If this is so, give it some time and try out different neighbors. Any of the definitions of yourself is not a reason to intimidate yourself from making contact. There are no 2 friends who are the same as each other, and I guess you'll be just another one. Diversity is in style. Don't be ashamed, go ahead and be brave and make connections.
I hope this has given you some insight. Hatslucha ivruche

amother

Yellow

Fri, Jun 29 2018, 4:30 pm

amother wrote:

I dress well, and often have the latest and greatest. Its who I am. I make no apologies.

When my oldest was your son's age, I hung at the park with his bestie's mom, who wore denim overalls. Seriously, denim overalls (she's "traditional" Sephardic, not Orthodox) which haven't been in style in most of your lifetimes. We're still good friends. I don't care what she wears.

Tonight, we're having Shabbat dinner with my younger daughter's friend's family. The mom makes my above friend look stylish. She's also the nicest, most generous person I have ever met.

Don't go in thinking that anyone is judging you on your attire. Chances are, they're not.

Take your son outside. If he can break into the group, let him. Otherwise, you do it for him. Take a ball, play a game, and invite the other boys to join in. Then, when he's ready, you start to fade out of the game. And then you can join the other moms ... or not. Your choice.

amother

Babypink

Fri, Jun 29 2018, 4:32 pm

SRB: I live in Lakewood Sad

Tf: the moms with whom I get along very nicely don't have kids my son's age, and when I've tried hanging out with those moms, my son gets bored.

Amother: you seem to have a lot of self confidence. maybe some of it can rub off on me.

If we'd be living in a private area, I'd be happy. But seeing the other boys outside playing while their moms talk with each other makes me feel as though my son and perhaps myself are missing out.

fmt4

Fri, Jun 29 2018, 5:30 pm

amother wrote:

Just BTW, denim overalls are in now.

Fri, Jun 29 2018, 6:14 pm

amother wrote:

SRB: I live in Lakewood Sad

How about trying to change your perspective to finding solutions? I don't mean to be harsh, I know for an introvert this challenge combined with this suggestion may seem a bit harsh. Or maybe it's called going out of your comfort zone? I don't know. Think

SRB

Sun, Jul 01 2018, 12:18 pm

I schedule play dates with my son's friends at school. It's a more comfortable place to start since DS already has an established relationship with the child. I suggest telling DS friend's mom, " my son really enjoys playing with your son - I'd love to schedule a play date for them." At this age, I usually go with my child for the play date - the ppl and places are still new ... This gives me an opportunity to get to know the mom. I gave not yet made any really good friends this way but nice acquaintances and it has strengthened ds's friendships. This is still new territory for me to so I'm following the thread for advice as well. But I strongly suggest you start by approaching mothers of ds's school friends. Also you should ask your son's Morah which classmates she suggests would be good play dates. Hope this helps!

Can you volunteer with the school PTA? I do and have a met ppl also I feel more in the loop.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Jul 01 2018, 3:17 pm

amother wrote:

SRB: I live in Lakewood Sad

Do you live in a basement? I find that people renting basement apartments (and there are a lot here) have a harder time with kids friends as kids get older.

I’m having a hard time too since like you I am an introvert and I see most mothers in my area rarely come out anymore since they have older kids who look after the younger ones. I’ve seen beautiful interactions with mothers/kids both in raintree and west gate but I don’t live in either of those places.

No answer really for you.... my ds the same age is home with me all day, no day camp, no friends... he hangs at home and then plays with his siblings when they get home from day camp.