How do I teach my 2 y/o to share?

amother

Silver

Tue, Jul 10 2018, 11:13 am

I noticed that my 2 y/o doesn't really like to play with other kids. Her morah confirmed that she has trouble sharing toys and prefers to play herself so she can keep the toys to herself, and sometimes grabs toys from other kids. I am not worried about autism because she has no other symptoms, been screened by pediatrician, plays with siblings. My ds had the same thing at that age. What am I doing wrong as a mom? I talk to my kids about sharing, no grabbing. What else can I do?

Rachel Shira

Tue, Jul 10 2018, 11:33 am

I assure you she’s not the only one in her class who grabs toys. That is completely normal two year old behavior. The teacher should know how to handle it in class in a very matter of fact way, and can possibly give you some tips about extending that to home as well.

Better language for that age than “you need to share” is “let’s take turns.” If someone wants a toy she’s using, she can say “when I’m done” or “in 5 minutes” or whatever but the answer can’t be no. When that time is up, or she finishes with it, help her pass the toy on. At home you can facilitate these little interchanges. Eventually it will sink in.

Rappel

Tue, Jul 10 2018, 11:36 am

What works for us:

If she knows (deep down in her bones knows) something is hers, and that she'll get it back when someone else is done, then she won't mind sharing. For us, it's a confidence/trust issue, and the more my DS knows that he has ownership, the more he relaxes about letting others touch his things. Btw, sometimes he doesn't -. And that's okay. I tell him it's his, and he has a right to choose, and I make sure no one snatches his stuff. The next time, he's always calmer about it.

In a playgroup/park setting, the rules are different: all the toys are for use by everybody. So long as someone is using a toy, everyone else has to wait until they're done. If bullies win those toys by snatching and pushing, and no one enforces fair play, then that becomes the survival behavior. Putting my child in that context and expecting him not to snatch toys, isn't fair, and makes him a victim.

simba

Tue, Jul 10 2018, 6:46 pm

2 year old don't have a concept of sharing.. you are being. Hypochondriac by letting your brain think of autism when your child is completely age appropriate.
Just saying adults don't have to share, not sure why kids have to.
My food. My car. Nobody guilts me into giving other people a people with my stuff. As an adult I have kindness and understanding that a 2 year old is not expected to have.

amother

Cerulean

Tue, Jul 10 2018, 6:51 pm

My son was a little older than that (more like 3) and didn't want to share toys and so he didn't have friends on our aptnt building floor because they didn't want to come over and do nothing.

We made a sharing box that contained toys we bought only for sharing. So he didn't have this sense of ownership over it. Also, we bought doubles of some stuff. Sharing is really hard and this way they could both have the same thing so there wasn't always this need to take turns. It allowed him to focus on enjoying play with a peer. His other stuff were in the other toy box that he didn't have to share if he didn't want to. It really took the pressure off of him and since he liked the other stuff, he wanted to have a friend over to play with it.

Rachel Shira

Tue, Jul 10 2018, 7:06 pm

simba wrote:

Totally agree with the autism thing. Shouldn’t even be a passing thought.
The thing about adults not having to share their stuff is true, but the fact is that kids need to know how to share/take turns. That’s why I like having it be on their terms to a certain extent - she can decide when she’s done with her turn and ready to pass it on, or if a certain toy is very special and not for playdates. But as adults I really think we need to teach our kids these skills. Truthfully, a lot of stuff they play with is not theirs - at school, everything belongs to everyone.
OP, don’t worry about making your child more sociable. Give her opportunities to play near children - set up playdates (supervised by parents and not long), let her play near other kids at the playground, etc. Two is the age they learn this stuff and a lot of it is just by exposure, as well as parental involvement and modeling.

miami85

Tue, Jul 10 2018, 9:17 pm

We must first understand what is "mine" before we can understand "I let YOU play with MINE." A baby lets you take what he's playing with, shrugs his shoulders and finds the next toy. A 2 year-old is learning about posession and CARES that it is "MINE". It is understandable and perfectly normal. "sharing" is more prominent in the 3-5 bracket starting with "my turn-your turn" to "let's do it together". Also if a child is constantly forced to give up a toy that he/she just started playing with then s/he will become super defensive about the toys and NEVER share. When I worked as a special education preschool teacher I had the "two-minute" rule. If a child A wanted a toy and child B was using it/saying no. I would prompt them to wait "2 minutes" b/4 asking again, and 9/10 within 10-30 secs Child B would give it up. That way they could give it up on their own and not have it be a power struggle.

amother

Ruby

Tue, Jul 10 2018, 9:40 pm

amother wrote:

I talk to my kids about sharing, no grabbing. What else can I do?

First off, please cut the toddler some slack. She's two, for maga's sake.
Second, kids are mimicers, they mimic. You share with her, she learns to share as well. It may not be as immediate as you'd like, but then again, cut her some slack, she's only two.

amother

Ruby

Tue, Jul 10 2018, 9:46 pm

amother wrote:

What else can I do?

You say you talk to your kids about sharing and about not grabbing. Apparently, talking to them isn't achieving your desired outcome. Maybe stop talking about it? Just model it quietly without drama?

perry2020

Wed, Jul 11 2018, 7:53 am

Try to roll model. For example, share your CV snack with them and have them give back to you.

My son was an only child for quite some time. I officially played sharing games with him with food and toys and he changed a ton. I also gave him stuff - little tiny prizes for a few cents to give to neighbors and friends. I believe this helped a lot.

Hatzlucha!