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Forum -> Parenting our children
What helps you listen and be attentive to your kids’ needs?
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 7:13 pm
Maryann wrote:
I should really start a new thread for this, I love this idea but it's very hard when u have so many different ages. I have ages 1 to 7.I can't possibly build or do anything enjoyable with my 1yr old around. How do you cope with that?

I have 5 months thru 11 yrs old. If you are present and focused it does not matter who's age level you are playing at. It's that mommy is interested in us that matters. When I'm doing things more babyish the older ones just look on or vice versa.
HUGE DISCLAIMER- My children can keep themselves occupied on their own. (Not without fights or mess...) we expect them to and train them to. I'm not always doting over them. Sometimes I am napping or having my coffee break! They learn about safety and when to come get Mommy. Maybe a better mother spends all the childs free time interacting with them. I can't. Bh my kids are terrific fun and happy. And maybe because they know I could go take a nap they are happy I'm around even if I'm playing a board game with an older child or reading a story to a younger one. I'm usually talking to all of them...pinching a cheek...tickling a chin..complementing...
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amother
Azure


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 7:45 pm
amother wrote:
Assuming you were sarcastic as I'm sure locking myself for a bit sounds dreadful. My goal is to be just a bit better a mom than mine was to me.


I thought she meant it! It soundsllike a great idea! Why not reward herself to motivate herself to do what's right?
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 7:51 pm
Idk...somehow I thought locking my kids out wouldn't go over very well...
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OutATowner




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 8:02 pm
I'm not saying this is for everyone, but since op asked what people do...if I find that I am frazzled or losing ptience and feel like I have no more attention to give...I sometimes think that if anything would ch"v happen to this child, I would give anything in the world to talk/read a book/play a game.
Of course, I also make sure I take care of myself. Part of that is getting them to be on time, non negotiable, so that I know that after 8 the night is mine to do everything or absolutely nothing.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 8:21 pm
OutATowner wrote:
I'm not saying this is for everyone, but since op asked what people do...if I find that I am frazzled or losing ptience and feel like I have no more attention to give...I sometimes think that if anything would ch"v happen to this child, I would give anything in the world to talk/read a book/play a game.
Of course, I also make sure I take care of myself. Part of that is getting them to be on time, non negotiable, so that I know that after 8 the night is mine to do everything or absolutely nothing.

I'm not asking to be rude-really I'm not. But do you honestly use that thought process all the time?! Like 6 kids screaming house flying you're exhausted dh stuck in traffic 2yr old smeared feces all over your Bosch...and you're smiling because you are glad noone died?! I'm all for healthy perspective and when I get a parking ticket I praise the lord we are all safe but... A moms gatta go nuts sometimes no?! U really don't?
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 8:23 pm
And u put 11 yr old to bed at 8?!
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OutATowner




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 8:36 pm
Of course I go nuts at times. Which is why sometimes I need to give myself a jolt. And why I said this wouldnt br for everybody, but to answer op's question, this is what I do.
And I don't have an 11 year old, so not sure where that came from.
OP asked how she can be attentive. As in, pay attention and be present. Not how does she manage at the craziest times. I have a different method for that. If I feel like I'm going to lose it I tell my kids I don't want to yell so I am going in a mommy time out. I go to my room to calm down. When I had a kid 3 or under they came I with me (because it was usually the older ones).
And there are times I lose it.
But the times I feel like I cant read THAT book AGAIN for no reason other than it bores me to tears, I remind myself that this is a bracha and to be present and mindful because these days wont last forever.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 9:19 pm
Thanks for clarity. Definitely makes sense...I can even relate
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OutATowner




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 9:39 pm
May Hashem give us all koach, patience, and siyatta d'Shmaya!
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amother
Coral


 

Post Sun, Jul 22 2018, 10:22 pm
Amen!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 9:51 am
I remind myself that DD will never be this age again, and whatever she is telling me right now is THE most important thing in the world to her. Now that she's a teen, her desire to hang out with me and talk my ear off is even more precious.

I often don't have the koach to sit and focus, but I'll say something like "I need to fold laundry right now, but if you want I would love for you to keep me company and tell me all about -insert current issue here-"

If you have mindless tasks to do, turning it into a listening time with your kids is wonderful. Depending on their age, you can also include them in helping with your chores while they talk.

(I know more about anime, pop stars, and horses than anyone has a right to know! LOL )
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HappyGoLucky1




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jul 23 2018, 10:55 am
Most important rule: Put the phone DOWN.

I also crouch down to their level so I could be at eye level with them. And we recently started a new treat of taking out one kid out to eat or something like that.
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