2 1/2 yo DD cries when going to gan

amother

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 9:47 am

My 2 1/2 yo DD goes to gan since september. At the beginning she cried often during the day and the principal called me to come pick her up earlier. After the first month she stopped crying during the day but every morning (it's now 3 months!) she cries from when she wakes up "I don't want to go to gan" until she is left with the teacher "I want mom and dad". The teachers don't act in a very friendly way when she arrives but they say the whole day she's ok like all the other kids and having fun. Also when DD comes out from gan she says she had fun and she sings and she talks about what she did, but the next morning she starts crying again. What can I do to make her happier? I guess the whole day she's fine with it I just can't understand why she cries so much in the morning.
Anyone had a similar situation? It's so painful for me leaving her crying in the morning every day!

amother

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 9:53 am

Yeah that's frustrating. But 2 1/2 is very very young. Leaving mommy and daddy evry morning can be just that emotional for a little child. I had a child like that. It lasted til he was 4. Unless you're using the school for daycare purposes b/c you work, perhaps she's not ready to be away from you quite yet.

mamommommy

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 10:21 am

Does your child have other any issues with transitioning? Many children (especially those with other sensory issues) have trouble adjusting during the transistion periods in the daily schedule (shifting from one ativity to the next eg. playtime to bedtime) and going to school is a huge shift.

Is your child very attached to you? If your child is overly attached and/or has not ever had the opportunity to be in the care of others, it can take her much longer to adjust and feel secure when left with other people.

Is your child a little immature for her age? Is it possible that the structure of a gan is a little beyond her, and she might still feel more comfortable in a babysitting-type setting?

Are you confident in the way that your gan handles your child? You mention that they don't seem so warm towards her. Is it possible that they are not making her feel safe and secure? Is it possible that they are not attending to her needs? Although, the fact that is happy when you pick her up is really far more telling than the fact that she cries when you drop her off. Crying at drop-off is typical of kids this age (although it doesn't always last so long).

There are at least a half a dozen reasons why your dd may still be crying. Try to figure out the reason and then you can better address it.

5*Mom

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 10:29 am

mamommommy wrote:

There are at least a half a dozen reasons why your dd may still be crying. Try to figure out the reason and then you can better address it.

This.

You mentioned a principal, which makes me think this is an institutional gan. Sounds big and overwhelming for a 2 yr old. How many children in the class? Is she one of the younger or smaller ones? Is the gan in a school building with lots of bigger kids making tons of noise and running around? Very intimidating. I also noticed that you mentioned the teachers don't seem so warm. They really should be with 2 yr olds.

I'd pop in during the day, if you possibly can, to see what goes on during a day, listen by the door and hear how the teachers speak to the children, how the children interact with each other, if your dd really has stopped crying... Do this a few times, at different times of day. Develop a relationship with the teachers, too, just shmoozing before or after gan to get a sense of their personalities and ed philosophy. You need more info than you have to figure out why your dd is crying.

If everything checks out okay and you are comfortable with the environment, it really could be that your 2 yr old just isn't ready for gan yet.

amother

Wed, Dec 07 2011, 4:52 pm

OP here. Thank you so much everyone for your answers!

mamommommy:
Perhaps she may have some kind of transitioning issues, but I never thought about it (this evening coming home she didn't want to come off the car), but I tried giving her some transitional objects, or pictures of the family and it didn't change.
She is attached to me because until september she had always been at home, but she has no problem staying with babysitters (at home).
She isn't immature for her age, she speaks a lot and understands very well. She isn't even one of the youngest in her class.
I'm not so confident in how the teachers are during the day but when I asked DD she said they're not nice when she arrives in the morning but are nice during the day...

5*Mom:
it is an institutional gan but her class sees and has the meals only with the 3-4yo class. there are 17 kids for 2-3 morot but they don't seem overwhelmed.
I can see she is ok during the day because when I come to pick her up she doesn't see me right away and she is playing with other kids, interacting with the teachers etc. It look like the rest of the day it's ok, only in the morning she isn't happy. I tried just talking with the morot in general but they just don't seem too friendly.
Last year (march) there have been difficult moment (I had a misscariage at the 6th month of pregnancy and had to stay 2 days at the hospital plus one week in bed at home), but she seemed having forgot/left behind this situaation (she was still a baby). I tried talking about this to the principal but she said just like "then if she cries it's your fault, you should definitely go to a therapist" so no way I'm going to try to talk her back.

5*Mom

Thu, Dec 08 2011, 12:58 am

amother wrote:

She isn't immature for her age, she speaks a lot and understands very well.
Cognitive development and social-emotional development are two separate things; they don't always develop at the same rate. In any case, I personally consider a 2.5 yr old to be really close to a baby.

I'm not so confident in how the teachers are during the day but when I asked DD she said they're not nice when she arrives in the morning but are nice during the day... I tried just talking with the morot in general but they just don't seem too friendly... I tried talking about this to the principal but she said just like "then if she cries it's your fault, you should definitely go to a therapist" so no way I'm going to try to talk her back.

I don't like the feel of this gan and you're clearly not comfortable there either; you're intimidated and you don't feel like there's anyone there you can speak to about your concerns for your daughter. This is not the way it should be, not for children of any age IMO. I'd take her out and find a really homey, warm gan to switch her to.

sped

Thu, Dec 08 2011, 1:24 am

5*Mom wrote:

amother wrote:

I agree. Her crying doesn't concern me, so long as she is happy when you come for her. My issue is a principal and teachers who seem uninterested and, at least for you, unsupportive. The fact that you are not comfortable there makes me think you should look around for an alternative. I really believe that (most) parents should trust their instincts.

petiteruchy

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 4:36 pm

She is probably picking up on your discomfort and stress. Kids are really good at that. If you are hesitating or your body language shows that you're not comfortable, she knows that she shouldn't be comfortable either.

Either find a new place to attend, or if you think it's worth staying, you have to work on your positive reactions. You might have to fake it at first, but you shouldn't be giving off anything but the most positive, relaxed and confident vibes you can manage.

oliveoil

Wed, Jul 25 2018, 4:38 pm

petiteruchy wrote:

the kid is now 9